'Oh deary me!' I recently rusted my dang of a thang
So now I can’t even amuse myself, by golly
Even been trying da one, my cousin rented to me
Never got the yearly service, due to the high costs, kerching
Just a toppin’ up with the essential oils, for a nominal fee
Just so busy, with a plantin’ it, smokin’ it, a bit like a rolly
While galavanting about, this country’s dry and sunburnt soil
Okay then, serve myself right, I shouldn’t second guess
Should’ve just lubricated, after such a hard and grinding toil
That dang of a thang, now take a look at the **** mess
After every ounce of sweat and auto correct tweets
After weird Tinder meets and almost all the surprise greets
I can’t wait to play with again, my Chinese made, Yin & Yang
My most pleasurable and double ended, dang of a thang.

Barnyard ****, just raised a city born, sort of a chick    
Even gave her the surburban name of Sandra Dee Fonda
A pretty slow blonde critter, some even say, short of a tick      
Bred way-down and far-away, ‘bout 70 miles yonder            
Y’all be knowing dat Hick-Hop thang, is what it‘s all about            
While hootin’ and scootin’, never let ya kissin’ cousin, flake out
Hee Haw, said it all, when we were a pickin’ and a grinnin’
Ask Goober, what’s dat ya doin’ and what’s dat ya diggin’?  
 
Perhaps I may yet die, with my boots still placed upon            
Cowards never really stay around here long enough             
To actually become real cowboy shootin’ stuff, my dear            
I say, ‘Hang ‘em first and try ‘em later on’            
My life was always threatened daily            
That’s why, I went out heavily armed, just like an Israeli      
         
I’ve been invited to the Marty Party, along with Brother Brown
But, I thought killing a man, was my one and only, speciality
Even drafted a business proposition, for this exact locality
Since I’ve had the market cornered, in da middle of downtown
From Cornfield, Alabama to Deadwood, South Dakota            
There’s no import or export taxes, so no **** amount of quota
So, me, you and even that Clay Ellison, will be riding a winner
Even after killin’ that Chunk Kolbert, straight after his dinner  
 
Perhaps I may yet die, with my boots still placed upon
Cowards never really stay around here long enough
To actually become real cowboy shootin’ stuff, my dear            
I say, ‘Hang ‘em first and try ‘em later on’            
My life was always threatened daily            
That’s why, I went out heavily armed, just like an Israeli        
           
They’ll be gettin’ da same amount of ice, as Knoxville            
But the rich will be a gettin’ it, in da summertime            
While the poor will be a gettin’ it, in da wintertime            
If I owned Texas & Hell, I’d rent out Texas & live in Hell            
So, don’t ever think about, hittin’ ya mother with a shovel            
It’ll leave a dull impression on her already fragile mind            
I’m not afraid to die, as a brave man fighting shall            
But I wouldn’t wanna be killed, like a dog unarmed, so please be kind            
           
Perhaps I may yet die, with my boots still placed upon
Cowards never really stay around here long enough
To actually become real cowboy shootin’ stuff, my dear            
I say, ‘Hang ‘em first and try ‘em later on’            
My life was always threatened daily            
That’s why, I went out heavily armed, just like an Israeli            
           
I see a good many enemies around me, who will walk            
But notice mighty few friends, that are willing to talk            
They would then, drink right smart            
They could then, scrap right smart            
But, I didn’t come here to talk, I just came here to hang            
Just a peekin’ through, the hour glass thang  
 
Perhaps I may yet die, with my boots still placed upon
Cowards never really stay around here long enough
To actually become real cowboy shootin’ stuff, my dear            
I say, ‘Hang ‘em first and try ‘em later on’            
My life was always threatened daily            
That’s why, I went out heavily armed, just like an Israeli.

I've got the rhythm, but don't look anythang like a Nashvillian soul    
Been living on the streets, so I ain't been on any **** census role    
I'm not my mother's natural birth child, without any apology    
But I’m god’s chosen and gifted, finger picking, guitar prodigy    
   
Sun lights up the whole **** town, whilst it's still night-time    
So, save your smoke doping act, 'til the dark of the daytime    
CUCKUK, CUCKUK, cruisin' down some unnamed highways    
That's what y’all be not knowin', 'bout da Tennessee ways    
   
My Mama once said, just do your music or do something else    
So, I'm legally insane and uncomfortable to be with, I guess    
I don't actually see myself living anywhere forever    
But, how'd ya know, that you've actually arrived, wherever    
   
Sun lights up the whole **** town, whilst it's still night-time    
So, save your smoke doping act, 'til the dark of the daytime    
CUCKUK, CUCKUK, cruisin' down some unnamed highways    
That's what y’all be not knowin', 'bout da Tennessee ways    
   
If they don't ever remember the month or day, since leaving    
Families gettin' together, telling lies, now police intervening    
I sometimes have to forget that I wrote it, to be able to like it    
As long as fans think dope of it, why bother to disable the ****    
Hoed fresh corn all day, everyday, been up since the crack of dawn    
Pretty plenty of backyard swamp talkin' catfish, have since been born    
   
Sun lights up the whole **** town, whilst it's still night-time    
So, save your smoke doping act, 'til the dark of the daytime    
CUCKUK, CUCKUK, cruisin' down some unnamed highways    
That's what y’all be not knowin', 'bout da Tennessee ways    
   
He'd hit a rabbit a sittin' and killed it with the barrel of his gun    
While the dang hammer was a peckin' a wild hog to death    
Like gettin' outta control and hardly takin' a shot of breath    
Or being a drunken redneck, on a 7 day weekend hillbilly whiskey run.

And what's worse
cursed
with something of a conscience
that despite being disrespected
and
***** will not let me leave.

Vulnerability
pressed
to the face of death with a smile
stretched ear to ear bowed
down
under the weight of fear.

Courageousness breaks
heavy pain. I use it against you.

Prostrate to the matrons
I begged for your courage for me.

Surprise
Surprise
Even when you hurt your loved ones
You focus on yourself
Surprise
Surprise
Even when you hurt someone you love
You protect yourself

You double down
in the name of pride.

Newsflash:

Your children are smart enough
to purposefully see
that they never procreate
if only for the world
to both act Atropos
on this overgrown
carcinogen
to humanity
and slash the path
of another hillbilly bloodline

There was a time you'd find
its untidy nest at the top of the lot
in the front room of apartment zero nine

Then, miles down time's treadmill
the creature first took notice, took a look
at its surroundings said,

"My world's color could be described as, and called, shame."

It split itself in half
The legs grew a head
The torso grew wings

While the grounded body kept vigil,
kept the common company
of rapists, liars, and thieves,
the winged being pushed off the Earth,
never to return to shame
as an ape with one short face,
but as a thing with a thousand names.