This whole l\

Growing up happened faster than I thought it would;
Now I pay bills and visit my parents.
I sleep in this recliner where I would stay up late,
Talking on the phone with liars until I fell asleep.
"Dulcet tones into a receiver," I called them before.
Now I know better.

My feelings aren't hurt anymore,
And now I've forgiven almost everything.
I'm too strong now for the backbiters of the past,
And they've grown into harmless strangers
Like we all do.

Sometimes when I hear that song,
I feel the hurt again, but that's all it is;
A feeling, fleeting, gone by the double bar line,
And I feel so much better.
I cry much more for happiness these days.

Growing up is happening so quickly,
And now I'm waiting in the recliner on an engagement
That will have the harmless strangers smiling politely.
Their feelings aren't hurt anymore
And we all know better now.

dark hair
glasses
he cares?
same classes
darling eyes
dashing smile
high five
been a while
pitiful crush
four days
not in a rush
for him out of my brain

The best memory I have of us is from April of 2014. We had just celebrated our 6 month anniversary a few days before and my birthday was less than a week away. I was extremely happy we had been together so long and so excited to be spending my birthday with you. Everything was perfect, and we were so happy. Our hands were locked within eachothers as we walked to our usual spot after school where we then waited for my mom to pick us up. You threw your backpack against the wall as I gently placed mine next to yours. I was so focused on my phone and was scrolling through my Facebook feed. That's when you came up from behind me and wrapped your arms around my waist. You began to attack my cheeks with your kisses. While I was laughing you leaned in for a kiss. My heart melted like butter inside. I put my phone away and put my arms around your neck as I looked into your eyes. Then we layed down and you held me in your arms. You were so slsepy and even though your eyes were closed and you couldn't see me, I couldn't close my eyes because they were set on you. I was studying every feature on your face. Your chin dimple that you hated, I had found so adorable. Your rosy lips I looked forward to kissing every single day. Your messy hair that I loved to run my fingers through. Your soft skin that you always loved to moisturize with lotion. You were this beautiful creation of God that I was blessed to call mine. I couldn't spot a single flaw and every detail of your face I remember so ******* well. It was that moment that I realized how much you meant to me. You were my whole world. In your arms, the way we were, it felt so right. That was how I wanted to sleep every single night with you in our future once we got married. I was so convinced back then, at age 14, that we were going to get married and start a family. Afterall, you were all I needed. Then suddenly you opened your eyes and saw me smiling at you. You began laughing. You said, "what are you looking at?" Holding back my tears of happiness I replied, "my other half. The person I want to spend the rest of my life with." Then we both looked into each others eyes and I gently placed my hand on your cheek as I continued to admire your face. Looking at you that very moment I felt so many different things, all at once. I felt complete in every single way, my heart was beyond satisfied whenever I was with you. Looking at you at that very moment I realized how much I was willing to sacrifice so I could just be with you. While I was still in the middle of my thoughts, you kissed me. "I love you so ******* much baby girl and I'm never letting go," you said to me. You pulled my body close to yours and began to cuddle me. "Babe...", I said. "Yes princess?" It took me a while to think of how I wanted to say what I was thinking, so then I just came out and said what was on my mind. "Do you promise me you'll never leave me?" You looked at me with that beautiful face of yours and said, "I couldn't ever leave you, even if I wanted to. You're everything I've always wanted and I love you more than you'll ever know."


And that was the most beautiful lie you ever said to me.

To the friends that I had yesterday
With names that make me gay
The moments that we had together
Are the moments that I always want to gather

I laugh with myself alone
Remembering the jokes that crushes our bones
I, at the same time, cry in silence
Feeling the gloomy presence of your absence

It’s been years, I couldn’t count exactly
Since the time we’ve eaten so hungrily
And I tell you, I don’t want to be particular with the years
Because for certain, it will only bring my eyes to tears

Whenever I think of you
And feel this way
I tell my heart to feel every second of it
So it will be much sweeter when we soon meet

I want you to know
That as we individually grow
Hopeful I am that we will again gather
And share a table of packed lunch and laughter

I used to filter my words and actions to meet other's demands. Thankfully, I've gained confidence in who I am.
Because, I would rather be myself, frankly.
I'd rather have my flaws than yours and boast about my imperfections than pretend to be this socially acceptable girl.
Trust me, I'm far from perfect. This I know.
And I'd rather be that than put up a show.

I used to crave for acceptance, but instead I felt pushed away by cliques and clichés, realizing that pretense came with no gains.
Now the filter is gone, and I'm sticking with those who've been with me all along. I choose to be myself today. My life is better like that anyway.

Then the day came...
The day when I realize-
I realize that I'm not living anymore-
Jusy trying to survive

...Might not even trying
Just for the future
... Just hoping