i will see you around sounds much better than goodbye.

my mind wandered far from where it should've been
health exam
diagram of the heart.
I hear the beating of my own heart
I feel it sulk down into my chest.

I look to my right and see a boy who sits with a look of arrogance on his face
the very boy I've silently loved for months now
I'm sure he knows, I'd be surprised if he didnt

ever since september I've been hot on his tail whenever I got the chance
pure desperation
He's your typical teenage heartbreaker
Varsity well, everything  since freshman year
his blue eyes painted a mystery begging to be solved
he has not a care in the world for anyone besides himself

so here i am bashing the boy I myself boost onto a pedestal
it seems so strange
strange that i'd be so compelled to practically worship the ground he walks on
Stranger, is how I'm able to write all of this with him a mere 24 inches away
he could glance to his left and read all of this crystal clear

It's funny how much I claim to hate him, all while being so attracted to him
I guess that's the difference between love and attraction
I love his physical being, even the idea of him
until it comes to who he his beneath his skin
Cocky. Self centered. Rude. Unaware of his surroundings. Impulsive.

Someone told me that no one actually loves each other in high school. Then
                        What
                                  Is
                                     This
                                            Between us?

I walked into a high school,
with one friend,
the only friend I made in elementary school,
who stayed my friend.

My mommy Doesn't like her,

I walked into a high school,
and my only friends older sister,
who felt like my sister too,
Passed away,

the school didn't care that we all cried,

I walked into a high school,
and I tried to make other friends,
and a kid got ******,
and he stole my phone,

the police did nothing to him like the school and he later ***** a girl,

I walked into a high school,
going into a program with high hopes,
only for them to get shattered by those who didn't wanna deal with me,
because people didn't get things related to ADHD,

and I wanted to drop out,

I walked into high school,
and skipped the class,
after the one where the teacher and students all harrassed,
me,

because when I reported it, it was their word against mine,

I walked into high school,
and I talked to the teacher who would harass me,
and tried to make him understand me,
understand how I can't do things like everyone else can,

and he made me head banana masher and then I puked,

I walked into high school,
and Skipped that class for the first time ever,
because the teacher made me *****,
be he was absent that day,

and I got in trouble for skipping and "lying about the incidence"

I walked into high school,
and skipped my classes,
and cried in the bathroom,
and cut myself,

because I couldn't handle my panic attacks,

I walked into high school,
trying so hard to make some sort of friends,
and they yelled at me every time I ******* smiled,
because they didn't want to allow me to be happy,

The school wouldn't let me have friends,

I walked into high school,
and tried to hangout with people after school,
and they just yelled at me,
made up lie about where I was supposed to be,

They tried to get more mom mad at me,

I walked into high school,
oblivious to what love,
***,
or abuse was,

and the boy I was seeing ***** me,

I walked into high school,
on the final day of freshman year,
to take my final so i could get the **** out of there,
and they harassed me the entire exam period.

they said things of confidentiality,

I walked into high school,
and everyday I left in tear,
with a scarred body,
and nothing but fear,

and they expect me to wanna come back the following year?

5th grade...
Moments of pure happyness
Joy was almost inevitable
things we're almost perfect
beautiful
I had  THE best friends in the world
middle school is when **** hit the fan
people moved away
I lost contact with almosy everybody
friends thinking about suicide
and our happy little "family"
Has crumpled to dust and ash
by a fire we ignored
and let stay ablaze
for far to long
I miss the simplicity of 5th grade
I had all the friends I would EVER need
I was almost top of the class
life was all around good
Because high school just ruined everything
boys make things ten times more complicated
and now I'm in college
wonder what will go wrong next..
Because some days
I just feel like hiding under the covers
Hiding from life
and it's wicked games...

In this you once felt superior
But now, nothing but inferior
Once filled with confidence that now is gone
Your writing is nothing compared to Shawn's

You used to be full of inspiration
Only now to be bottling frustration
When you wrote, the words would just flow
They just came to you - where'd they go?

You're reaching out, searching for them
Delving into your mind, biting your pen
Calling to them to stop hiding and come to you
Asking them to express like they usually do

It's easy now for her; she's a champion
Leading a glamorous life so unlike what you live in
You sit there, struggling through the day
She spends her days in amazing ways

But forget about her for just a minute
You lead different lives, different muses in it
When you're reading her work, don't compare
It's not a competition; You have different things to share

You look at yourself - how silly you've been!
Your poetry speaks the condition your heart's in
You say you lost your inspiration?
Look at everything you've just written

You're a champion all your own
Because you write the feelings that are yours alone.

I talked to my boy because he thought life as a toy,
but now he knows it’s a painting, and
what his mind will employ, to dodge every ploy,
are the colors of his own making, but
what only he felt was spoken while he knelt,
for what he believed was in waiting, and
what would never melt where the cards are dealt
would be the assurance time was saving

He had to decide who spoke truth and who lied,
but the colors he mixed already knew, it
was as if the one who died and the one who cried
were mixed in time for something true, even
if what was breaking was what was awakening,
for what is a man if not his own hue, but
only his own making can dream as he is sleeping
before the morning when he became new