"Funny, I don't remember no good dope days. I remember walking for miles in a dope fiend haze. I remember sleeping in houses that had no electric. I remember being called a ******, but I couldn't accept it. I remember hanging out in abandos that were empty and dark. I remember shooting up in the bathroom and falling out at the park. I remember nodding out in front of my sisters kid. I remember not remembering half of the things that I did. I remember the dope man's time frame, just ten more minutes. I remember those days being so sick that I just wanted to end it. I remember the birthdays and holiday celebrations. All the things I missed during my incarceration. I remember overdosing on my bedroom floor. I remember my sisters cry and my dad having to break down the door. I remember the look on his face when I opened my eyes, thinking today was the day that his baby had died. I remember blaming myself when my mom decided to leave. I remember the guilt I felt in my chest making it hard to breathe. I remember caring so much but not knowing how to show it. and I know to this day that she probably don't even know it. I remember feeling like I lost all hope. I remember giving up my body for the next bag of dope. I remember only causing pain, destruction and harm. I remember the track marks the needles left on my arm. I remember watching the slow break up of my home. I remember thinking my family would be better off if I just left them alone. I remember looking in the mirror at my sickly completion. I remember not recognizing myself in my own **** reflection. I remember constantly obsessing over my next score but what I remember most is getting down on my knees and asking God to save me cuz I don't want to do this no more !!!"
- Delaney Farrell

I am feeling less than human
No longer worthy of love
Each day i live out
What nightmares are made of

I am contemplating silence
The kind that doesn't end
That way I will never have to
Find out what lies around the bend

I am afraid of what I've become
I should leave while I still can
To split before I hurt someone
I think is the smartest plan

I should have known from the beginning
I would end up spiraling down
I thought i could avoid my fate
Now in addiction I drown

I'm only happy when I'm high
It is a temporary reprieve
from the pain so I cover up
marks on my arm with my sleeve

I have never felt like such a failure
Nor felt so frail and so weak
I've lost all my appetite
I can't find the will to speak

I wish I could beat the ache
Rise up and take my life back
If I were stronger then
I could get my life on track

Instead I hide my suffering
Hold the hurt I feel inside
Now everything that once was good
In me withered away and died

A flower in December
Once beautiful and innocent
My soul is no longer blooming
My petals are all bent

Is it too late to save myself
from the path I have chosen to walk on?
Can I rekindle the fire
Within or am I too far gone?

I want to believe there is still a chance
To change the person I am
I wish I was not this girl
Who would do anything for a gram

My life has been like this too long
To be exact: almost a year
I cannot remember when things went wrong
I do not know how I ended up here

I should have thought things through then
Before I took my first hit
Honestly I had no idea
How hard it would be to quit

First stage of change: acceptance
What is the second? I don't know
That is the problem, I'm ready
But have no clue where to go

I need to move an inch forward
Because my life is at stake
I want to feel how I used to
Before I made that fatal mistake

Shiny shards of slowly death
Rush,  cough,  and take a breath..
Its all they can to re inject
Another night on Tina's breast.

I watch them from afar, disgusted
My two best friends went homeless,
Got busted.

See,  I might do some coke or smoke ***** all day,
But i can't understand this game they all play.

Always crystal or ***** or ****** or yay,
One more way to make my fiery heart fade.

But i told them i wasn't going back to those days,
I'll stick with my greenery, downers and stay...

Alive.

She had everything she
needed,
To make most men fall.
Mindless zombies,
Men like me,  so oblivious
To it all.

Smelled her cooking,
So sick and
so sweet
A poison that's all her own.
****** swept her off
Her feet,
Now Holly
Wants to be alone.

She slithers down my street
At night,
A needle in her hand.
One more shot and ****** Holly
Fades to neverland...

In her eyes,  I see
Her past.
It's all so dark and sad.

Under her bruises,  I
Can see her light.
The only hope she
Has...

I never knew what pain was
Until I felt the sting of withdrawal
That's the kind of hurt that can cause
The strongest toughest man to fall

That's why I would do anything
Just to taste another hit
That is the biggest reason why
It's impossible to quit

I know that it's pure evil
It's poison but it brings me peace
Causes so many problems
But **** I love that sweet release

I spend all the money I have
On a vice that I despise
This love-hate relationship
Will surely be my demise

Too broke to go to rehab
Or support this habit
If I knew what would help
I would reach out and grab it

I become lost and hopeless
I want so badly to heal
But I'm always trapped by
This sickness that I feel

I used to look into mirrors
And see a smile there
Hating my reflection has
Replaced my smile with a glare

Is there any way to change?
Or is it already too late?
The worst part of this gutter?
I created my own fate

If I could go back in time
And do things right instead of wrong
I would never let this
Awful drug string me along

******, you've got me
Im addicted, bound to your high
But I swear I am trying with
all my strength to say goodbye