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Mar 2018
I am feeling less than human
No longer worthy of love
Each day i live out
What nightmares are made of

I am contemplating silence
The kind that doesn't end
That way I will never have to
Find out what lies around the bend

I am afraid of what I've become
I should leave while I still can
To split before I hurt someone
I think is the smartest plan

I should have known from the beginning
I would end up spiraling down
I thought i could avoid my fate
Now in addiction I drown

I'm only happy when I'm high
It is a temporary reprieve
from the pain so I cover up
marks on my arm with my sleeve

I have never felt like such a failure
Nor felt so frail and so weak
I've lost all my appetite
I can't find the will to speak

I wish I could beat the ache
Rise up and take my life back
If I were stronger then
I could get my life on track

Instead I hide my suffering
Hold the hurt I feel inside
Now everything that once was good
In me withered away and died

A flower in December
Once beautiful and innocent
My soul is no longer blooming
My petals are all bent

Is it too late to save myself
from the path I have chosen to walk on?
Can I rekindle the fire
Within or am I too far gone?

I want to believe there is still a chance
To change the person I am
I wish I was not this girl
Who would do anything for a gram

My life has been like this too long
To be exact: almost a year
I cannot remember when things went wrong
I do not know how I ended up here

I should have thought things through then
Before I took my first hit
Honestly I had no idea
How hard it would be to quit

First stage of change: acceptance
What is the second? I don't know
That is the problem, I'm ready
But have no clue where to go

I need to move an inch forward
Because my life is at stake
I want to feel how I used to
Before I made that fatal mistake
I have come so far since then and I am so proud of myself! Today is the two month mark for me being clean from ****** and I have been off suboxone for a week now I feel ****** but I know it can only get better from here on out. Some days are hard but ultimately nothing is worth the pain that comes with drug abuse. To everyone out there in recovery: STAY STRONG!
Amanda Kay Burke
Written by
Amanda Kay Burke  26/F/Alaska
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