#heroin poems on Hello Poetry

Eva Louise Nov 2014

Your father’s belt hugs tightly to your arm. You twirl the syringe between your fingers, a little container with a world inside. You take a deep breath, and ****** the needle into the blossoming purple flower on your arm. You wince at the pain, but the ***** feels like a kiss. Your finger slips the plunger into the syringe, and you feel the cool liquid glide into your bloodstream. With the syringe still in your grasp, the pillows catch you in their embrace as your body crashes in a heap. Weakness floods your body; washing into your legs, hips, torso, arms, and finally your hands, as your fingers unfold from around the syringe. It rolls off your hand and onto the ground. You do not hear a clatter. Limply, you throw yourself onto your back and stare at the white ceiling; it shifts as your eyes lose focus. Silence consumes your ears. A smile slides onto your face; your problems melt away. The bed disappears from under you. You’re floating; you’re flying; you’re invincible. You laugh. You laugh until tears run down your face. Your crazed barks echo in your small room. Untouchable freedom projects from every pore. Nothing matters right now, except this euphoria running through your veins. You’re flying head first through space; speeding past cartoon planets. Good god, you’re flying, you’re flying. You’re dying. You’re flying
The room starts to flood back into focus. You desperately claw at your freedom as it slips away from you. You try to dispel the oncoming reality, but it’s inevitable. Reality punches you in the jaw. Your head screams with static and your arm aches. Worries creep back into the crevices of your mind: parents, school, friends, grades, college. It overwhelms you; panic fills your bloodstream. Your spine arches sharply as you scream from the pit of your stomach. This is real. This is real. You are no longer flying, or in paradise, or happy. You curl up in a ball and begin to cry. You are nothing more than a lost child, alone and scared

something i wrote a long long long time ago, sorry if it *****

#sad #depression #drugs #****** #reality #innocence #long #teenage

Dionne Taylor Nov 2014

******

it's difficult to describe
why your body chooses to spend weekends
alone surrounded
by the slimy tongues and bottled self esteem
take another hit
while your mind explores the chip on his front tooth or the sweat dripping off his eyebrow
your body takes the pounding while it whispers in your ear how little you mean and you tremble at the thought of being handcuffed
you wonder if he remembered your middle name
Francesca
or noticed the way that when you breathe in your collar bone protrudes
ill ring for you

The addictive and self-destructive nature of casual ***.

#sad #lonely #****** #night #*** #one #addictive #stand #onenightstand #casualsex

Sade LK Nov 2014

David's Death

On the day that David died, I was
Sitting sober, wishing I was high
And it was always like that during those
Couple clean months.
The first person I told didn't care-
What's another dead ******?
As if the trash took itself out.

I didn't go to his funeral,
Didn't really know him that well.
I didn't cry when I found out,
Wasn't all that surprised-
He had been talking about it for a while now.
And we questioned, of course
But answers aren't always enough.
I wonder what was enough
To lead him there, lying on those cold tracks,
Waiting.

You said,
"He put his earphones in and closed his eyes."
My first thought was,
"I wonder what he was listening to
For the last time..."
You said you hadn't thought of that.

And I also wondered what he must've saw
Behind shut eyelids in an all dark mind
As the weight of the train
And the weight of the world
Trembled the tracks and trudged closer.
He told his little sister,
"Make sure they know,
I am happy now."
Maybe everything began to feel warm
Like the sensation of coming home
After years of being
Lost.

And I have to admit:
I've since thought to myself, many times-
"That lucky *******..."
He got out.
Certainly couldn't blame him.
Cause on the day that David died,
I was wishing I could join him.

On the day that David died
I was sitting sober,
Planning my own suicide.

Written November 18th, 2014
RIP David Taylor

#suicide #freedom #death #******

Sade LK Nov 2014

It Could Be Magical

Driving through these city streets,
And it feels just like floating on a
Machine cloud.
Like I'm high above the
Rusted, automated mechanical world, and
Somehow softer, warmer than metal.
These heavy gears, turning
Twisted up and breaking down.
Only to be built back into order
By bustling, stoic robotics.
There is a golden glow to this
Streetlight night scene-
I can feel it buzzing, a bioluminescence
Of evanescent enchantment.
It could be magical
A never-ending fairytale, but that's
Too light, for this reality.
Which is that I'm really just
Strung out as ****.
And society seems too much like one
Of my bad dreams.
Nightmares will always haunt me, and
This doesn't have a happy ending.
This world is too real,
I long to be removed-
D I S T A N C E D .
Take me to dreamland
So I can stay high forever,
And never
Come
*Down.

Written November 14th, 2014

#suicide #alone #****** #reality #high #dreamland #strungout #publicwriting

Sydney Mae Dompier Nov 2014

Jessica

the tears won't stop forming
my heart won't stop hurting
I'm loosing my mind
because I'm loosing you.
my flesh
my blood
my sister.
****** is the kidnapper,
it took the shine out of her eyes
and made her feel "better".
it handed her a needle and spoon
and told her
'I am what you need'
is love not enough to stop the pain from escalating?
were my tears false evidence that I actual care?
this drug took away my blood
my flesh
my sister.
this drug ripped apart our family
our flesh
our Jessica.
and now all we are left with are
our grieving souls
wishing to give her a second chance at life.

#poem #poetry #sad #addiction #life #death #drugs #****** #sister #gone

Emoni Jenkins Oct 2014

******

I can hear her
Her mesmerizing melodies calling me
Tempting me
I sway to her music
Fill my veins with her voice
And we are one again.

She covers me like a blanket
I can feel the warmth of her love
In my secret places
Its dark inside
And I'm afraid
But she is with me
Holding me
And I am safe.

When she leaves
My soul aches for her embrace
I hunger for her touch
I want to disappear
To leave her as she left me
But her lethal love injections
Are all that I know
And I am weak
And I can hear her
Her mesmerizing melodies calling me
Tempting me
I sway to her music
Fill my veins with her voice
And we are one again.

My lover wants me dead
But I have given her my heart
Sealed our love with a kiss
Till death do us part.

I just picked up nine months sober and that chip is weighing heavy in my pocket.

#love #drugs #****** #sobriety

mandy rigby Oct 2014

******

I knew straight away it was wrong for me,
but ****** ... was all that i could see.
I knew pretty soon, it would make me sick,
but me thinkin was slow and addiction was quick.

I didnt think then it would ruin my life,
didn't want to be its slave, nor be its wife.
Didn't know then the years would fly by,
for every low there is a high.

Didn't think then my addiction would spread
smoke crack all night, spend the day in bed.

(c) ms rigs 04/10/2014

#addiction #abuse #****** #drug #crack #*******

Tara Marie Oct 2014

Animal

An animal is what I am,
with fangs that bite too deep.
Awake at night, and too possessed
to get a wink of sleep.

Amused by chasing freedom
from feeling what is real.
I would go to any length,
I'd make a Devil's deal.

Corrupted and conflicted,
until I find my friend.
He's killing me, and ripping me
apart from every end.

Smoke is curling up inside.
Noise is somewhat dull.
Silent moving pictures streaming
softly in my skull.

I think the ground is quaking.
My eyes are dry as sand.
The carpet feels like metal scraping flesh
upon my hands.

Shaking within cavities
I thought did not exist.
My temperature from cold to hot,
I'm fiending for the bliss.

I wish the things I felt right now
would wound me to my grave.
But fantasies of you inside my veins
is what I crave.

I've sobered up and looked
upon my arms, who seem to yearn.
A distant scream inside my heart
tells me I'll never learn.

A bag, a spoon, a spark, a *****
and now I'm turning blue.
Blue death inside my bones and skin,
an animal for you.

#addiction #drugs #****** #animal #craving #struggle #recovery #detoxing

Sade LK Sep 2014

Maybe I Deserved It

I wanted to watch a movie.
Knew you would appreciate horror.
Figured you could use some company
And I could use a nice entertainment system.
So I drove out to your house
Where no one ever goes
Cause you're always all alone
And I felt bad for you.
We smoked a bowl and that was fine.
I was already strung out and we
Went into your kitchen
You gave me candy and a coke.
Downstairs you let me pick the horror flick
I sat at a comfortable distance
Across the couch.
You said, " Sit closer."
I could feel your loneliness
Burning through my skin with
The way you looked at me.
So I moved a little closer but kept my
Torso as far away as possible,
Kept my eyes focused on the movie
Even when your hand crept across
My belly, I was
Extremely uncomfortable, and it
Was not because I am self conscious.
I was nervous,
But not because I liked you, I just
Felt bad for you, and so I didn't push you away.
I should have.
Credits rolled and I almost ******* ran
For the door.
I knew you wanted more, you
Stood behind me and grabbed my
Waist, pushed me into your room and said,
"Stay with me."
I half stumbled and sat on your bed.
It was comfortable, but I got
Up and grabbed my stuff.
Making excuses as you picked out my
Pajamas, you said,
"It's a long drive, don't use anymore drugs tonight,
We don't have to have ***, if that's what you were thinking."
I should have left. I should have left. I should have left.
But I put the pajamas on, even after several sayings of,
"I don't want to."
I laid on the opposite side of the bed.
Said, "Let's go to sleep."
You pulled me close to you
With a force that was much more frightening
Than that horror movie,
And I froze.
Just like when I was a kid. I laid there
Let you touch me and pretended it was
Just another flashback.
I rolled onto my stomach so there was
Less of me for you to have, but you
Pulled down my pants and took me.
Just like when I was 7,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16
I told myself, "If you pretend to be numb
You might not feel so much pain."
Thank god you got off quick.
But I should've known you weren't quite finished,
And it happened again, at least I had
Practice giving in and
Blacking out-
Separating mind from body
And they all wonder why I'm so
D i s s c o n e c t e d .
You said, "That's the best I've ever had." They
All
Say
That.
I got up, got dressed in darkness with shaking hands
Searching for something to
Cover my shame.
Angry, you said, "You're just gonna **** me and leave?"
I just wanted to watch that movie.
But all I could feel for you was pity.
And I walked myself out.
Didn't cry in the car,
I never do.
At home I smoked
So
Much
******
That I really hoped it would **** me.
I cut 12 gushing blood gashes
On my arm, the first time in 5 weeks.
I deserved it, needed to be punished
So ******* disgusted by myself for
Letting that happen, again.
All my fault.
Just like when I was 7, and it all started.
Every single time, it was all my fault.
In the shower I desperately tried to
Scrub my sins away
'Til my skin was raw and red,
Wished I could blow my ******* head off of my
Broken body.
Couldn't talk about it for days.
Today I confessed
To a friend who said,
"He ***** you."
But those words make it too real
I cannot deal with that again
Not now, I am not a kid.
Adding 20 to my list.
Adding scars to my wrists.
How to tell my therapist that
Our year of weekly outpatient progress
Has been destroyed in one night.
Wish I'd died when I was 5
The first time I tried on suicide
It was the perfect size that I never could outgrow.
I can't believe I've made it this old.
A shattered spirit, hollow soul.
I wouldn't **** you if I could, because
You'll probably **** yourself
And I feel bad for you.
Cause you probably believed, somehow
That I actually wanted you.
It is only pity that you filled me with
A filthiness that will forever stain my memories.
Scrubbing in showers, but never feeling clean.
It's all my fault, after all.
Maybe I
*Deserved it.

Written September 1st, 2014

#suicide #cutting #****** #numb #ptsd #**** #flashbacks

SG Rose Aug 2014

A young heroine turned ******.

With curled lips and a growling hiss, he walks among us;
Yet you say you only see beautiful things now.
With a needle tip you shoot the Devil in
and say he takes you closer to feeling God.
One “e” short of the story you were born to finish.
A young heroine turned ******.

#god #drugs #****** #devil #user