There’s a parachute stitched into my eyes— soft silk holding
nothing, as I watch myself freefalling into an empty space
The ringing words of love still call, like fading prayers –
as the voices of lovers trying to reconnect.

But I never was good at playing my heart. But aren’t you
expecting me to stay in character? To wear the lines you
wrote for me, in the means of keeping up this fantasy of love.
My smiles are scripted; as everyone else is helping to create
such a picture frame. The world helps paint our picture from
all the wildest of conversations; but the more they run out of
your mouth, the more they seem to taste so tame.

These tired eyes have searched in your eyes for a reflection
I can truly bend– so is the baggage claim of my baggy eyes;
visioning our broken pieces coming together to hopefully
mend.

I was your background character, your silent NPC in a game
you never knew I played, the first time. But when I stopped
watching, when I stopped turning toward you with secret
obsession – you started to feel the crush of my own crush.
Now you chase the echo of something that once held you
true—that hidden crush, that tender view, searching. But love,
my dear, truly YOU, should see how love is so **** blind.

Sometimes I want to hate you—
for breaking our family.
No, we didn’t have children,
but we had Skye.
And in my heart,
we were our own little world.

Sometimes I want to hate you—
for the heartbreak that lingers,
for tossing me aside
like I was nothing,
like we were nothing.
But I can’t.

No matter how hard I try—
to hate you,
to dull the ache—
I can’t.
Because I love you.

And I know your reasons
weren’t about us.
You thought you had to push me away
to do what you believed was right.

But I hate that you couldn’t lean on me,
that you carried it all alone.
You took on burdens
that weren’t yours to bear,
and still—
I admire you for it.

I hate that you put us on hold.
I hate how you’re slowly erasing me.
The days are bearable,
but the nights?
The nights are endless.

I wake up expecting to find you,
to see a message saying you miss me.
But I don’t.
And I hate that
it’s always me reaching out first.

I hate that you chose for us,
without trying to find another way.
I hate that I still feel you
in the empty spaces.
I hate that I pray—
every single day—
for you to come back,
to say you were wrong.

I hate this fragile hope that won’t die,
the belief that somehow
we’ll be better—
that love will make us stronger.

But most of all,
I hate that I’m alone in this hope.
I hate the masks I wear,
the smiles that lie to the world.
I hate how much I miss you.

I hate that I don’t know
how to be near you
without wanting to hug you,
kiss you,
hold your hand.

I hate that I fear so much—
the thought of you
being gone for good.

And I hate
that no matter how much I wish I didn’t—
I still love you.

I know the lingerie is meant to be taken off, but
my nakedness makes my eyes dart quick and
count every hair on my skin.
picking scabs turns into scars that
I have yet to tell you about.
without permission, I close my eyes
as you love me in the dark and
I wonder if you’re counting too.

I’m tunnel visioned to see only you
Looking at somebody else and
Though I try to, I can’t see any other living thing in my sights.
My mind is travelling down one path, and that is towards your rejection and
Though I try to, my legs won’t turn my body in any other direction.
I cannot see or feel things for anybody else but you,
And perhaps that’s some form of curse for me but a Gods gift for you because at least I only have eyes for you.
While I sit afar and see you with another
Knowing we were never made for each other,
My heart shatters and the pieces scatter,
There’s too many to gather
and hold against the crease of my arm, remaining steady and calm, I leave them be to rest on the floor,
My mind broken. My heart sore.
Like I did the last time someone broke my fragile spine,
Declaring what was mine, was never mine,
And I couldn’t bare to walk out into the sunlight for months,
Only living off the warmth from beams of curtained suns.
My mind is broken. My heart is broken, too sore; my worth has become penniless and poor.
I am forced by my own hand to wait for
Your eyes to scan the room and see only me,
While mine see only yours,
When you think to yourself that I’m worth enough,
For someone like you to finally love.

It wasn't real.
The love you traced upon my lips...
Was filled with venomous lies.

- Rayvn St. Claire

He pledged to woefully accept
The broken lullabies
That cradled his stone heart and
Locked itself deep within his soul.

The vow he heat pressed straight into his mind
Had left a scar wounding the very depths of his madness.
He swore to the heavens to ignore
Such sensitivities for the sake of another light.

Yet, his senses scream for some sort of release.
Caresses.
Essences.
Savoring.
Listening.
Visualizations.­

The desperation grew immensely like that of a saint
Who hath willing succumbed to ideals of sinning
And nightly creatures pieced his demons back together.
As they added weight to his already blood stained wasteland

I begin to wonder...
Who is he now?
I am merely the vessel of what use to be.
Unless, of course that man...
Is the one I see in the mirror.

Nothing but a silent reminiscence of what was...
Human.

- Rayvn St. Claire

"Babe,do you know how much i love you?"* He asked.
"Not as much as i do" she smiled.

Did you ever feel guilty at night for hurting me?

I heard my pillow say something
"Did he do that again?
I nodded
"And you forgive him that easy?"
"It's easier to forgive than to let him go" i said.
*"Well, i know he's a toxic but sometime we crave drugs in case we want to be high. And I feel like i'm flying when im with him."