Don't detach yourself.
It is not wrong to love

Something
Someone.

Look at the piece of earth in your hands.
That is your entire world.
That is your gravity.
That is your rock,
That you use to fill your pockets for weight.

Don't detach.

You
       Might          
    
Just

                        Float

                                                 Away

One of the most powerful emotions one can feel.
as expansive as the atlantic, the sahara, the milky way.
as numbing as an antipsychotic.
as penetrating as the sun.
rooted as deep as the deepest of thoughts,
penetrating the mind and blood like ******.
infecting the soul like a cancer.
A state of mind? Mind to body, mind to spirit, spirit to the cosmos
more dense than rock, yet water finds a way...

Writing is healthy, healthy for the mind
the evolution of idea
natural selection of thoughts all vying for prime position
pen to pad, who wins?

Little changes are adding up like the
Drip drop of water that pools in the bathroom sink
from a rusty metal tap not quite stoppered.

And I am glad it is opened.

I am glad to look up from the little pool of changes turned large
To flick my eyesight skywards and head on into the mirror that steams up with condensation as I breathe

and I'm me

I breathe, and I know I am alive.
I look in this mirror and just like all the water droplets I see all the changes

And they're in me.

The tap is gushing freely since the day I took control
I took residence in the drivers seat and found the courage to twist the metal between my fingers and let it be how it is to be

And I am healthy

I see lights in my eyes again
I see a shine in my hair
I see new length to it too
I see clothes chosen with flair

I see colour flood my skin and a smile that shows teeth
I see red painted lips and weight off my hips
I see confidence in my stance, upright and straight
I see peace and tranquility less smothered by hate

But most of all, and finally
I see what I have always wanted
I see, and I know that if I am not free
I am soon to be

(I see recovery.)

Sometimes it's so hard to eat and so hard to breathe and I feel as if I'm being suffocated by my labels and drowning in these disorders.
I'm going no where, no where but backwards and sitting at this stand-still. This frozen train station smack dab in the middle of my brain, yanking me back and forth back and forth between happiness and hellish fate. Some days I spy a train off in the distance, it's usually sad. I haven't seen my health train come around in a while.
Some days I hop on the backwards train and I travel to my favorite old undying feelings. Self-loathing and negative body image. There's no lunch served on that train.
I haven't been on Happiness since maybe mid-January or so. My thought is that it got somewhat sick of me and decided it needed a break, ended up realizing how much better off it was without me and staying gone.
I'm alright, I bleed sometimes and I cry a lot. I don't eat a lot.
But I'm here? I'm here waiting in this ******* train station in my brain and I swear at moments I'm ready for recovery but then when I catch a quick glimpse, back down my hole of self-pity I go

Help me, but don't help me

When your hands leave mine in the late hours of the night,
I feel your touch, the scar on your palm, imprinting itself to mine,
My hands shake with the lust to hold yours.
When you leave my side,
My bundle of blankets,
The cold that fills your place
Never seemed so chilling until now.
When you stand ten feet from me,
Grinning like a fool,
I do not realize
That I am returning this gesture,
With rosy cheeks and a thudding heart
Thudding so hard I begin to wonder
If I've a medical issue I need to address with my doctor
Lovesick is a term I've only connected to heartbreak
But I feel my blood run smoother,
My breaths quicken,
My hands shake.
I do not know if it is your gaze sending chills down my spine,
Or your breath on my neck,
But all I can confirm is
You have an affect on me.
You're infecting me with a drug and my addiction is growing.
Need not worry, I've healthy addictions,
Despite the contradictions,
And you, my dear, are one.

We sometimes cry like kids                                                                                     Simply because there is a kid                                                                                  Inside each of us ...                                                                                                   We often cry like kids                                                                                              Simply because we need to do so                                                                           To relieve ourselves ...                                                                                              We rarely cry for nothing                                                                                        Simply because we need someone or                                                                      We need something to cry for                                                                                  Like loss of a dear person or a dead pet ...                                                        Our precious tears are worthy of                                                                       Precious diamonds when we really cry                                                             From our hearts anytime ...                                                                               Crying relieves us and we need sometimes                                                        To cry like kids ...