"It's hard to love someone who hates themselves
I hadn't seen you in weeks, you popped up out of nowhere just like the pills did
I barely recognized you
But I remember that sleeve, it's where I laid my heart to rest
It's where I brought a smile to a gunfight and lost with open arms
I had been empty for so long I forgot I gave my heart away in the first place
You used to remind me a lot of church, I dressed up really nice to try and impress something I wasn't sure existed
But I followed through on my promise and worshipped at the heel of your lies
The shrine I built for you broke last week, it fell off the counter and cracked almost the same way you left me
Your kiss left drunk and my words started slurring and my falling started occurring and the time started blurring together
I wasn't naive enough to think we'd be together forever but I thought you'd stick around for a little longer
At least long enough to let my pain pass, and help me get passed the past
Stuck to the tip of my tongue, I was always so close to telling you how I felt but your name always got clogged in my throat
I choked on the forgiveness I swore I'd never give
I thought about dying so much I forgot how to live
Fell head over healing for you
I remember that love
It was like remembering spring comes after every winter
And fall follows every summer
The seasons may fluctuate but they'll always come
With time, so will love
I want to apologize to the both of us for how long it took me to let things go
You needed space, I thought you meant outer so I tried to grab you the stars
I just ended up burning my hands
They blister at the sight of broken now, I hope you're doing okay
Me? I carry around a bunch of never-agains in my pockets and pictures of forgotten friends in my wallet, I remember love
It looks a lot like that mirror i lost myself in
It looks a lot like her
It looks a lot like you
It looks a lot like you"

For every smile
There are fears
For every "I'm okay"
She hides a thousand tears

On the outside she's fine
But the whole thing is a lie
Inside she's broken
She's beaten and hoping
No one sees past her cover story

Her breaking point gets closer
With every smile she fakes
Everyday of charades
But even though she's worn thin
She still holds it in

No one sees her reality
No one sees past her cover story

Here I stand shocked,
I forgot your birthday,
I thought the day wouldn't come,
That I went without thinking of you,
That my life wouldn't revolve,
Around you.

I've grown just so much,
That I don't rely on you,
To make my choices for me,
To control what I say or do.

I am alive and I am me,
And nothing you have done,
Could have changed my core,
My essence, my very being.
I am not yours.

I am happy now,
And finally free,
From your grasp,
From the grip you had on me.

Thank you,
For teaching me how to love,
And thank you,
For teaching me to move on.

november 8th, 2013*
i found these old sketches
of you & I
unfinished, & i'm erasing them
i don't intend to finish them
& it doesn't hurt anymore
it doesn't hurt anymore*

i forgot what it felt like
to heal
the feeling is back
& it's real

Like many other women in the world
At some point in my life
A man I loved turned me into a heart broken girl
I went through a phase where I hated men
I didn't want to be bothered with any of them
Didn't even want one as a platonic friend
As time healed my wounds
I began to learn to love again

But this time I learned to love myself first
I stopped wasting my time on random men
And giving in to the thirst
Of men who only came around
Because they wanted to make me burst

I rose my standards when dealing with men
However, I find myself spending more time alone
And that's fine with me because I'd rather be left alone
Than wasting my time on a man that's entirely wrong for me
And that decision wasn't easy
Because I thoroughly enjoy a man's company

I don't want just any man in my life
I want the man who will indeed be
The perfect guy for me
So I'll continue to wait patiently
And in the meantime I'll continue to work on myself
So when he does come I'll be ready

I’m a monster*
   I do not hide under your bed
   I do not live inside your closet
   And I’m not real

I live across the street
And also in your thoughts
Crawling into your mind
And I even sleep next to you

I’m with you at school
I’m with you when you’re home
I’m with you while you read
But I’m mostly with you at 4am

When everyone else is sleeping
When all the demons are asleep
I take over you
I’m into you

And it’s funny
  It’s funny that I’m all in your mind
And that’s why you cut
And that’s why no one can see me
And that’s why you’re about to say goodbye.

she looked at his soft eyes. he held so much sadness in them. she only knew bits and pieces. he always would avoid the topic, changing the subject to her. "i want to hear your story. the real, honest to god truth." with shaking hands and tear filled eyes he told her his story. she held his hands, and wiped his tears. no one is whole, but that doesn't mean we can't help people fix themselves.