Can there just be one year?
One where I’m choking
Where I can’t feel the weight
Drag me under to the bottom,
Where I finally learn the trick;
How to escape?

Connected but disjointed
Fragments recollected
But the puzzle is warped
And the pieces I wished fit
No longer serves the purpose -
Obfuscated and murky,
These memories play back in cycles
Cyclones twisting me into a maelstrom
I’m begging to drown or fly far from here.


I shed a tear,
It cannot salve your putrescence
I am engraved upon the grave
And left with the debt of your shame,
My body aches in the baleful way you touched
And disgraced fragile innocence.
Molding the muck into this husk;
What I’ve become is a product
Of your golem making.

Another year,
And your grip is ever strong,
A bear trap to keep me snared
As tenebrous clouds pour their blackness
Until I am lost in the umbral shroud
Caught in the spiteful lachrymal rains
Blighted to walk in cimmerian eras
Your dynasty is misery and I am miserable
Your Achilles aim was true -
Blade cutting to the quick of truth
Fill my wounds with lies,
And burn me upon the pyre.

Let me go,
You charlatan,
Wasteful specter!

Let me go,
Chiding hallow haunter -
I won’t let you pace my floorboards
In hopes you will let me sleep in peace,
**** me now, or release me from this curse.

Surviving is worse than dying.
And your image in my mirror
Taunts me with every passing morning
As the years traverse,
I am further distancing from the lineage
In hopes you will let me go…

The we had made
Me a Spector
A ghost walking
The streets
Haunting the night
As I walk I haunt
The streets looking
For you love and only that
But why do you deny us
But I wanted to be with you
Still!  
As the full moon raises
I look for you
Haunting
And walking the streets
As I remember you sweet kisses
I wanted to have them last!
But then I am on the streets walking
For your love!

Overwhelming thoughts and feelings,
Spiraling down a deep, dark hole.
I can’t breathe—I just keep reeling,
Haunted by the places I’ve lost control.

Every step feels like a mistake,
A path of ruin I can’t escape.
Friendships hollow, love a lie,
No one sees the pain I hide.
I cannot breathe, I cannot be—
What’s so deeply wrong with me?

For a moment, I’m fine, the storm recedes,
But the calm is fleeting, and chaos breeds.
The weight crashes down; I can’t bear the sound,
A tidal wave pulling me deeper to drown.
I know I’m broken, but why like this?
These sudden storms leave me breathless.

My heart is a horse on a racetrack,
Thundering, pounding, faster, faster.
No winner in this endless chase—
Just relentless thoughts, quickening pace.
“Are you okay?” they ask; I nod,
Hiding the battle, a perfect facade.
“It’s just a headache,” I quietly lie,
While inside, I fail and cry.

I try to focus, try to breathe,
But the darkness whispers, “You’ll never leave.”
Every effort feels destined to fail,
A silent scream in an endless gale.

"Well it’s over now"

is
what
you said

While you stared into my haunted green eyes

as you spoke
my heart broke

"It’s over for you,” I agreed.

Have you ever been wrong?
I was wrong.
Ugly, smugly wrong.
Psephologically wrong.
Hit the iceberg,
smoking’s good for you,
the treaty of Versailles,
left on red,
Copernicus, Aristotle, Custer,
wrong.
I’m not claiming an excuse,
wrong.
It wasn’t you,
it was me,
wrong.
Just fricking
kiss a frog
wrong.
Wrong all along,
wrong about the world,
reevaluate me wrong,
wrong, wrong, wrong.
I can admit I was wrong.
Can you forgive me,
can I forgive me,
wrong
.
.
Songs for this:
Waters of March by John Roseboro & Mei Semones
Stabilise by Nilüfer Yanya

An iridescent glow
A whisper from the dead
Longing to be heard
Distant screams
Cold breath grazing my neck
The agonizing shrieks grow louder
Howling winds
Rustling leaves
Something is behind me
Something is following me
Lurking in the night
The noise is deafening
It's overwhelming
Overstimulating
"I can't do this"
And then suddenly
It is calm
Quiet
Peaceful
And all that I am left with
Is crippling paranoia