Seeking for sunlight
I found my own bright star
But it glowed too bright
It burned too fast to ever last
I’m glad to have met you
But sad to see you go
I wish there was an alternate dimension
Where you’d stay
But everyone needs to move on at some point
But at this point
I’d rather be selfish and not let you go
But it’s not up to me
We all need to see our future
I wish I could see the skies in black and gray
To be impartial to my own dismay
I fell apart, but I’m not broken
Not yet, I won’t allow it
This is just a stumble
In a long race against time
And when I move on
I will also have to let you go  
And escape the black hole

the walls are transparent, yet so thick.
Let. me .
free.

I am muted,
and subdued.
Let me be
unruly.

I was red,
green,
yellow,
purple,
gold,
now I am grey

Let. me.
shine.

Everything seems gray
Like tasteless
Zero motivation
To move or to do anything

Why do I feel this?
Why so tired and disoriented?

Today is a day like so many other days
The skies are cloudy, the world is gray
I can't sit still, But I want to fade
Into a slumber, as a cold serenade
Seeps depression through every crack
Emotional baggage too hard to unpack
Sitting and staring at empty white walls
As life's little doldrums come for us all

The shattered gray and foamy waves take over my field of green

I see everything you want in the reflection of me

Those memories are ghosts, residing in the dark corners of my mind.
They’ve dulled my life to gray and I’m unable to see colors of any kind.
Flashes of pain decorate my eyes, but no one seems to see.
I continue to hide my truth, don’t know how else to be.

I claw at my body, nails breaking through layers of skin
Trying but miserably failing to erase the horror within
Rivers of tears fall upon my wounds and leave them scorched
Day by day, my misery is reinforced.

I feel myself slowly dying year after year
But I’m dragged back to life by my own shrieks of fear.
I stumble around with a foggy head
I don’t bare my heart to anyone, I show a fake smile instead.

a sunrise never promised you a sunset,
but you expected it anyway
as my skies turned gray immediately
in your disappointed eyes

© L.F.

i was given a succulent in the 2nd week of uni.
it was small, green, young like me.
it was already flourishing unlike me.
i overwatered it in the beginning, too flushed,
too eager to take care of someone else.
my first month living alone.
i knocked it over 1 night.
half of its leaves came off after a careless nudge.
it was exam season.
now i stare at it, thinking.
does it embody me? the rot inside me?
half the leaves missing, a fifth growing a sick green?
is that my portrait of dorian gray?
i dare not water it. i dare not touch it.
my own portrait shut away.
it is now 1 day from semester 2.
will i survive?