How do you explain to
your parents that
the reason your grades
are so low is because
there is a hole
in your heart
a sinking feeling
a kettlebell of 50 pounds
an anchor dragging
you down
a monster in your brain
that makes you
forget things
but not one thing
not one thing
that one thing stays.

I made a child happy once - you failed to see it.
I pulled myself together quick after i was bullied - you failed to see it.
I was the top scorer once - you failed to see it.
I studied all night - you failed to see it
I stood up again and again when I was pulled down - but you failed to see it

I fell down once - you saw it
I took a break to escape my anxiety - you saw it
I broke down over my failures - you saw it
I stood alone not being able to converse  - you saw it

You only believed what you saw.
Hence, I wasn't surprised when you saw me as a failure

It's not about interest, it's how you place
Your classes are weapons in an arms race
Your friends are taking two APs, so you take three
Soon we're mired in college work when high school is all we see

Counselors don't help, they only edge us on
Telling us we need advanced levels, or all college spots are gone
In Fairfax County, we score so high on tests
We ignore our thirty three percent depression and say we're the best

Because here all that matters is the grade on your transcript
You're a factory product, another computer chip
So if you're friend takes five college courses, take seven
After a semester, beg mercy and give up on heaven

Sebastian quivered as he made his report.
Science - We did quiz. I 102 percent
History - We did read chapter. I finish first and wrote answers to questions. All correct.
English - We did grammar lesson. Adjectives. Describe words. No grading.
Sebastian hesitated, just slightly, and his father exploded.
Mathematics! Report Mathematics! Show Me!
Tears streaming. Hands trembling.
Sebastian removed the math papers from his tiny Hello Kitty backpack.
97 percent. Not perfect. Not the best in class.
The rest is unrepeatable.
Humiliation is much worse in Mandarin.

Demonic possession is what it feels like sometimes,
The way I spit words out and they just happen to rhyme
I sit and think sometimes, about what I wanna write
But then it never comes to me , avoids me it stays outta sight and I

Don't know why I'm writing this, I'm sure I'll find a message
To send across the void that is this world and then the rest will
All make sense, no pretence, nor any pretext
That I'm using just busting words before I forget

I gotta add a little something about what happened today
I got my ****** grade from chemistry it was no A
Just a D, and I was worried but my Father doesn't care
I'm no good at Chemistry, he knows that it ain't fair

It's all about experimentation and adapting
To the strengths and weaknesses that make you a masterpiece happening
This world is full of unique people and you are another one too
So you gotta put your head down, do what you gotta do

I would like to make an announcement, before it leaves my mind
To clear up some other **** that I left behind
Me and Georgia now, you know her? I wrote a lot
About how much I hated her, how I wanted to rot

Yeah, we're good now, so please do not look back
On my works, when I went bezerk and launched a stupid internet attack
Some of it was my fault, and I've come to terms with it
We good now, it's okay, so please don't read that ****

I'm sitting here on my bed, not knowing what I'm about to write
Just knowing that I need another way to pass the night
So I spit fire, I'll retire, maybe right about now
Have a good day or night, my friends, be careful when you go out

<3

I started high school with grand intentions of grand friends and grand grades and boys would only be a street-side fruit stand to glance at while I cruised on by.

Intentions never quite work the way you plan.

My first class of the day, a boy with striking blue eyes, an awkward gaunt, and floppy hair sat down next to me and started talking about Pokemon. He had seen my Pokeball pin on my backpack and had singled me out as the person to vilify him the least. I was uncomfortable and unsure, horrified by his brashness. The seat had been meant for my best friend, Cathy.

But the second his mouth opened the teen awkwardness faded from his face and he become bright exuberance. Stunned and flustered, I stared as he passionately smiled and seemed to revel in our one-sided conversation.

This happened for weeks and I eventually became comfortable enough to talk back. His smile widened as he seemed pleased to find another person who was willing to be a little weird. I didn't know nearly as much as him, but I learned because I loved to watch him beam.

Right before the homecoming dance, he asked me out with a poster that said, "I choose you! Do you want to choose me too?" I blushed and said yes, and we coordinated red for our first dance as high school freshmen.

At the dance, though, my blue eyed beamer was someone anew. He was dorky and the way he danced was flamboyant but terrifying. He often ditched me for his marching band friends, and I felt more humiliated and uncomfortable around him than the bright admiration I had felt before.

When he took me home that night, he tried to kiss me and at the last second I ducked away and gave him a hug before running inside. Those lips weren't nearly as enticing anymore when they weren't beaming at me.

The next week in class, he sat next to a different person. A guy from his science class, I heard from my friends. I shrugged and went on doodling on my notebook. At least I learned now what a Gardevoir was.

There we were, back to square one. Guess it takes more than a semi-mutual interest and a beautiful smile to maintain a relationship. And there I was, back to grand intentions and great expectations, but this time I knew things won't ever go quite exactly as you plan.

He ended up dating Cathy later, and he and I are close friends now. He's actually pretty fun when he bothers pays attention.

But this was the end of our love story.