cold, blue skies
crisp air
and sun in my eyes
breathing deeply amongst the crowd
I feel like an installation
in a hotel lobby
or a decorative vase
with dry arrangements

empty yet amused eyes
peer beyond me
while I’m duct-taped to this pedestal
nailed into a wall
the frame of a painting
sitting in a display case.

Servitude
Silence
Surrender
Simply the life I endure
And the legacy I render
I want more
I hunger
I yearn
I crave
My efforts are futile
My want is in vain
His face in front of mine
Disguises the pain
We all start out small and hopeful
Then grow tall and resentful
You end small and resentful
Your thoughts consumed by anyone but yourself

It feels as if I can’t escape from their gaze
I’ve been hazed into womanhood
It wasn’t a phase
When I was just a girl my ingenue was used
Treated like something that should be abused
And when I served my purpose to amuse
I would be blown out like a fuse
When I was just a girl I learned how to choose
The choice to behave or die
The choice to live in fear or lie
The choice didn’t come simply
And neither did I
And when I was older I hungered
I starved
I wished and wished for something far greater than myself to take charge
But no one was coming to save me
No one but, I
So I made the choice
The choice to lie
And there I lied
As the gaze crept up on me
And grabbed me all over
And in my head, I whispered “Soon, it will be over.”
And when I served my purpose to amuse
I found myself quite confused
I was no longer the girl I once knew

We were embers of danger embedded in
plight

We threw gender to blenders and begun a new fight

We surrendered our splendor to sleep for the
night

But our nightmares still tendered their souls for
The light

One day in 2021
I put on a dress for the last time
A part of me died
The part I've been trying to **** for years
I said goodbye to the "me" I was supposed to be but never was

One day is 2023
I said goodnight for what I thought would be the last time
A part of me died
The part that's been trying to **** me for years
I said goodbye to wishing I was someone I never was

Eventually, I said goodbye to the people who hated me for being me
Now I say hello to being free

Let's play pretend
You imagine I’m not me
and I’ll become a golden boy
wielding strength through body, not mind
Fight me and I’ll break apart
I'll break
anything to prove you don’t see me
now make something tough and it will shatter
You thought me fragile but a shard of glass is deadly
dad, let’s fight but leave words were they are
if they’re never spoken I won’t choke you with them
Instead let us be men
Silent
dad, isn't it lonely to fight only with flesh
We lash out to connect but a strike is fleeting
I used to wield my voice like a whip and it struck
an echo in a head for days
Hard to be lonely when your head rattles
dad, a singular body feels weak when I had six figures
there are only so many ways to break a body with your own
but a mind
Shatters
and reforms
And that is why women are stronger.
I’ve given up strength to be weak.

What makes men manly?

Is it depth in tone,
Is it large in build,
A claim of the throne,
And dominance at will?

Or is it indulgence of temptation,
To be a sovereign of fear and pain,
Using women as *******,
Destruction sought to be obtained?

To reap the feral fruits of life,
To sow the damning consequences,
Causing mourning, loss and worldly strife,
Chaos of man’s expenses.

What causes me to seek it,
What causes me to weep,
How I lack these biological ticks,
That keeps the world apart from sleep.

So what if I’m not big and strong,
So what if I’m not masculine,
So what if I can’t be the cause,
Of humanity’s need of Aspirin?

Put me in a quiet room,
Let me stew and think,
I aim to be the greatest groom,
My life will cease in a blink.

Father, son, holy trinity,
A woman’s man is not for lust,
My love transcends to infinity,
But women’s approval is a must.

Color me short,
Finger me stout,
Characteristics I constantly sort,
What is this all about?

Who cares if I’m not mean and cruel,
Who cares that I’m not suave,
Who cares if I’m not chill and cool,
I’m him whom man should evolve.

I've wished I was a boy my whole life.
To get respect without demanding it.
To walk in a room and be part of the club.
To not be seen as an outsider, an irritant.

I loathed that I was treated differently.
I worked my entire life to get here,
believing that it would get better
with the fancy title and, finally, the career.

Now, I've made it. Yet, I still have to demand:
To be seen. To be CC'd on emails. To not be
excluded. Do you know how difficult it is
to have the right title, but not the right genitalia?

You can be competent, intelligent,
the smartest in the room.
But if you aren't the ideal gender,
You're just a pretty face in costume.

There's too much of me
So I slice into parts
Don't know who I am
Who I was
Where to start
My fingertips stained
a raspberry color
Let's cut off another
Another
Another
My softness dismantled
Set the mood
light some candles
This hole inside grows
So I must learn to handle
Those times where my head was held under water
Men dont give a **** if "that's somebodys daughter"
When all that you've taught me is I should be better
I think of my past self and send em a letter
The version of me that was put under ground
Carving into myself cause I cant speak out loud
Skipping breakfast and dinner or stuffing our faces
For some sense of control
To hope it erases
The feeling inside
that all that you can be
Is how flesh meat and bone
Hangs off of your body
When your own heart could stop
From barely a flutter
Flesh of the womb
Laying wet in the gutter
Taking what's ours
They go on with their lives
Resorted to tonics and herbs
Backyards and midwives
He said it's not that bad
you ******* faker
Beat in her face
Just to text her phone later
All my exes are crazy
I just wanted to bang her
Cut her down from the rafters
when you know what hanged her
It's funny it's sad
at the end of the day
We're in hell together
Across hot coals we lay
Dress your own wounds
Don't bend over for them
Instead let's
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