you say it's not about the ***
but the declaration does nothing
to ***** the boiling terror
to shoo away that yawning hole
digging deeper and deeper
into the root system of my ribs
tilling the lush soil that is
my traitorous stomach
and ever shrinking lungs
it uproots me
grinds the stump where I once stood
a towering oak
or was I only ever a sapling
that was snapped in half
severed the exact moment
that the floodgates opened
and the raging storms remnants
poured forth unshackled by the walls
I carefully constructed around my trembling heart
how I screamed when they fell
the resounding crash
of my fingers digging into your back
pulling you closer
and closer
I can't stop wanting you closer
to inhabit that feeling
the safety of a harbor in a storm
you somehow can protect me
from the radioactive wasteland
that I am still traversing
dodging gamma rays of manic frenzy
and alpha particles heavy with the
black hole that swears it will consume all of me
its final sacrifice demanded my life
how can I trust this?
when the reality of the matter is
you are no lead apron
absorbing the radiation for me
some kevlar vest that can ever protect me
from the bullets of vitriolic bile I hurl inward
not to mention grenades thrown my way
by wayward neural firings
which find me craving my blood
a box of razors is
a box of friends
and reality diverges into an orthogonal plane.
you could be snatched from me
you are a small worm on
the biggest hook to make the juiciest
most succulent amuse bouche
for a big world of sharks
how ******* stupid am I
to be a fisherwoman who has
fallen in love with her bait?

There is no need for
discernable lines
in the moment
I am content.
there is no need for anything.
but the moment.
naked & anxiously
awaiting reawakening
& my hands betray me
by shaking & blantantly saying
you've swayed me

it's crazy.

today I created nothing
& I am wasted anything
& everything.
but it's okay.
the mosaic is
a face faded
in the foreground.
this is fair ground.

today I'll walk on air
today I'll float on clouds
today I'll foam at the mouth

then I'll roll around
in my beloved filth
that you brought about.
be proud,
I can't be without it.

lay low.
stay mellow for a second.
stellar stolen record
cave dweller with
stage presence
I am angel dust
in the devil's lungs.

***** blood
forked tongue
love you forever.
or
til things get level again .

whatcha want,
a ****** medal?
well, ****... yeah.

when it's all settled
we won't ever
worry again.
we'll call this melancholy
something funny
we can laugh at.

exactly that.

strait crazy

saintly mania raving.

new age jainist phasers
sang they praises
like
'hey mr bojangles,
go mangle up the angle,
shake shake shake the frame
& they'll thank you later.'

...sorry not today.

I'm feeling under the
earthquake weather.
wallowing wonder
following the devil
thru the desert
on great endeavors
to make it rain feathers
that sound like thunder.

famous as ever
nameless as heaven

to say the least
I'm slaying beasts that
came from me
in the first place.
this is lovehate.
lovehate lovehate.
& it's useless.

just lemme set the mood.

it's stupid
brutish beauty
mooing truly bluesy
marks & bruises
infused with martian
harmony incarnate,
caramelized carnage
set to soothing violent music.

broke record store cliché
faded to frustration feeding
a creaturely need for creation
& hellish lust for selfdestruction.

-nothing special-
just an absolute mess who
dilute the stress through allusion
allegory alliteration
hallucination delusion

***** it's a celebration.

tell the rest those losers
that got left I'm doing my best
even though I'm pretty upset
with how it's all panning out.

oh well I guess.

give me that meaningless *******
sweet nothing nonsense
sonneting on & off & on again.  
everyday, all day
we were softer shades of comet spitting stars across the cosmos

I feel awful about feeling awful this morning. we were alone together in the dark
lost for the most part.

the sound of lights                
of day & of night inspire me
& I'd like to try to fly even though I'm
really really tired
&I; know I'd end up this
amorphous red inkblot
of blood & chunks of flesh
on the sidewalk.

just an absolute mess.

the fever broke then settled in &
I went the way
of the sugar rush instead.

I like you to death.

*******!!

For all the poems I ever ******* wrote you!

For all the letters I ever ******* gave you!

For all the "I love you's" I ever ******* told you!

For all the kisses I ever ******* got from you!

For all the "Together forever's" I ever ******* expected from you!

For all the trust I ever ******* had in you!

For all the time I ever ******* wasted on you!

For all the tears I ever ******* shed over you!

For all the nights I ever ******* stayed up for you!

For all the times I ever ******* cared about you!

For all the "I'm sorry's" I ever ******* told you!

For all the secrets I ever ******* shared with you!

For all the love I ever ******* had for you!

*******!!

staying the night
up high
in rainclouds
& I feel safe now
when I look down
the wide world
is so small.

we are all
tiny specimen
divinely dissected
subdivided into
lively sections
by wants by fires
by greed by needs
& secret desires;

one nation
under god’s feet
tired slaves perspire
unnecessarily
for possession
& obsess over  
what they each acquire.

it is you, it is I,
and we are
frighteningly alike.

my attention’s quite untidy
all the time
my mind gets redirected
it walks like hell
& talks like heaven.

I am not well
I never have been.

but this hex is a blessing,
it’s too **** precious.

we are spilling
into the ocean
over the edges.
The Land is dead and
has been, days now.
I find it kinda pleasant &  
I wonder if
they’ll ever
get around to
disinfecting the nest
of decaying flesh,
before it infests the rest,
y’know, the ones that got left.

rot is a pox
spread by proxy
& is not bonded
by neither
lock nor key; that’s like,
‘**** what you got
**** what you be
**** what you thought
what you think
what you see.’

*******,
**** me,
**** everyone,
**** everything.

it’s lovely, it’s lovely.

I even think it’s kinda funny,
I laugh at nothing.
Oh, the irony

You remind me of an onion.

As the layers peel away,
I struggle not to cry
'cos you're just the same inside-

and in your heartless little way
you blinded me with love,
enough to make me stay-

to cut you up in little pieces
and chew you like
"Take that, you frickin' onion"

******* ******* *******
******* and your pretty eyes that put the stars to shame
******* and your smile that made my tummy flutter for days
******* and the way your smell intoxicated me
******* and the way your arms kept me from falling apart
******* and how you made me feel so safe
******* and how you broke my heart
******* ******* *******