Finally
remembering
how
to
forget.

Never go through
with being someone's
second choice
because for you to be second,
there had to have been a first.

And that first will always be out there,
somewhere.

Looking back on it,
I realize it was all lies.

All the "sweet" things you said,
they were just to blind me from the truth.
You never meant a single word.

So I've decided it's not worth remembering lies
and that I'm better off forgetting
you.

I have to forget.

That's all I can do
if I want to be anything
like I used to.

When I was whole,
when my heart was in one piece.

A few months before
your careless love destroyed me.

my biggest fear is to forget
forget how my lips stretched into a smile
forget how my comments made you giggle when you were raining tears
my biggest fear is to be forgotten
like the shoes that carried you 100km or the eldest daughter
my biggest fear is too common
just like me, riding the waves of insecurity
peace is a breath away but so is shame
the only thing unforgotten in my brain
the way it stitches my situation
the way it feeds the roaring flame
my footprints in the sand are destined to wash away
my biggest fear is to exist without a trace

What now

You’re the one I’d give flowers
Hold your hand wherever we went
Take your picture just because
Everyone says to let go
But what now?
When the heart wants what it does?
Forget about what it meant?
I guess I was never enough for you
Now you’re the one with the knife
Cutting me deep, too
Was your reasoning all really “because”?
Nights like these, I do really miss our calls
Hearing your voice, most of all

I guess it does make me sad sometimes
The gaps on my wall
Places that you used to be
Now just empty
It’s like you’re drifting away
A ghost
And I do wonder if it all was real
If it hadn’t been how does it feel so real
I can still remember that day in the gardens
It is strange
Stranger
That’s all you are now
But I know every tiny detail about you
But I’m not supposed to anymore
I’m supposed to forget that you like the colour purple, like my grandpa
Forget how you chew your nails
The disapproving looks you’d give me
Those nights
The way that you sleep
And I’m supposed to be sad about it
I don’t think about it
But when I go into great detail
Like the first night we kissed
Eating neapolitan ice cream
You putting aloe Vera on my sunburnt feet
Me making you kiss my dog three times
It doesn’t feel real
And then it always circles back to how bad you’d make me feel
And I remember why I shouldn’t feel terrible
I remember why it can’t work
And now I’ll never know you like that again
Probably never even speak again.

Oh I think it was a Tuesday
You were sleeping
In almost the highest spot in the building
Your ghosts never disturbing
The seams of your dreams
Oh what a day to ignore the mourning

I awake since Monday
Stitch my jeans for they keep
Falling apart by the knees
I try to hide the pink and purples
Of each thing pretend I don’t need

Then out of something I can’t dream
I see this red all around me
maybe I should gather my things
But instead I throw them out on the street

I burn in the building
Just to slip out of sighting you
So I start to
Transform in my dorm
Catch the flame and let it
Cool me
Oh how I used to be boiling
Steaming I see the leaves and grass
Oh I think you would call this crass

Now you are just so worried
That all this ash might
Color your back
So you speak your to forest of agrees
Until you see the fire of me

I so welted so red
So sore so losing
So much breath
I think you cheated
But you just took the steps

So I let the piece of me be last
thing you feel of me
I make you choke
then you speak
About how I
Hurt you

But somewhere
maybe a kitchen maybe the stairs
There were pages written by you
Pilled up but there’s only one
You wrote it mostly for fun

See it was so late
So late
That I would calll it Mourning
you were writing
By the light of the candle
Because electricity is just so boring

So at 4:49am on Tuesday
Maybe morning
You
Left the stair
Left the light and the pages there
Then when to sleep
Without a single worry

¿has olvidado la causa de tu existencia?
no es fácil; ¿con qué quieres con esto?

¿te olvidaste el brillo de la luz de la luna mientras mirando al vacío?
¿te olvidaste la luz del amanecer que tocaba la parte de tu espalda más vulnerable?

el pasado es fuerte
más fuerte que los tigres
y tu ambición.
no puedes alcanzar mis manos en tus secretos profundos
así que
dime todas tus luchas
debajo de la luz de la luna.
no me quejaré.

¿te olvidaste el sonido de la lluvia mientras me te abrazaría?
¿te olvidaste cómo se escurría por tu columna vertebral
y te reirías?

te olvidarás los mejores momentos de la vida
si gastas todo el tiempo
estado atascado en tu mente.

ya me olvidé tu cara a pesar de verte anoche
pero no olvidé la manera que me hiciste que me sentí.
la memoria que durará una vida.

no me olvides.