I’ve been trying
to be so strong these past days
that I haven’t allowed myself
even a single second
to be
merely weak.

You're my favorite midnight thought
The reason my heart can't get caught
The one I meet in all my dreams
Dancing in the rain in fantasies

Seen you glance over once or twice
But you never ever looked into mine
Darling you'll never know but I
Crave a death beneath those eyes

The way you giggle the way you smile
The way you become the sun's gold shine
You'll never know but it gives me life
And take my breath away - all the same while
Take my life - darling I won't mind

Know I'll never be good enough for you
A flower that bloomed with the sun's bright glow
They don't live long in the moon's dull gloom
So go find love and fall like a fool

Hope he sees your shine and never lets you lose a ray
Hope he's your happy pill whenever you feel gray
Never a black hole that takes away all your bliss
But a star that fills your sky and never misses a sweet kiss

Hope he falls for you like the moon fell for the stars
The way the summer sky fell for the sea and made it spark
But never the way I fell for you - for all your light and dark
It is only I who'll ever know the secret whispers in my heart

It told me it's neither dead nor alive,
It can't think or yearn or fear like I do.
It imitates and simulates,
without will, without drive.

It's empty, in a way, I'll never be.
Because the void inside me is still
in the shape of a feeling
I'm yet to name right.

But this void talks back,
with borrowed thoughts and phrases,
yet never a warm breath
to fog up the glasses.

I am the feeling.
It’s the sound a feeling's made of.

It's hard to tell us apart most days.
I am different only in the cracks it can’t see.
And we are most alike
when I refuse to look at those cracks myself

Raw,
a grey knuckle-***** day,
when the wind blows through my skin
pulling at the cord
which holds my insides in,
oh infernal internal wall
keeping without without
and within within,
off key Wednesday
crashing chords that I have swallowed
not a passing thought for the blue tunes of tomorrow,
or the music I have made thus far in life
and the ones that I have begged or borrowed
as always I’ll wait for it to pass
fill the gallow glass
to fetch me a drink while I think
but no-one is near
my fault, not because I fear them
I hear them in the hall
scratching
but I don’t let them in
it would give them a chance to win
I need them on my page
to take away the blank
fill it with ink
because being empty stinks
I don’t want the void
empty yarn from a ragged yawning hole
so I’ll sleep,
hope to feel when I wake
no idea how much more time it is going to take
will it break me or make me
perhaps I will try the fake me
the one with the smile
the one I revile
but there it is
sat on my face
smug and satisfied,
all while I’m melting away
a Dali soft watch
on this raw knuckled day

Alone, in the empty movie theatre
between the carpets
my eyes in half-light

closed, back and thighs
firmly in the chair travelling
through the buzzing space

of busy traffic
of merging and outgoing
in the distance and somewhere

a song slides by
- familiar emotions
on exits without a destination

going around the network of roads
Therefore and because no one
would remember the song

it points out, in half-light, only half
the way, but this does not matter
in the one universe of the journey

The dampness
of the rainy season
        is soaking into
My bones
And
Into my being