Reflections in the puddles scream at every raindrop on her face, as she was forced to forget you.

These feelings,
I know them,
I’ve felt them before.
I was reeling,
In feelings,
I felt from a *****.
But now I’ve moved on,
That’s all in the past.
She’s out of my life, she’s gone,
I knew that **** wouldn’t last.

Then why, I ask,
Do I feel this way?
Towards the girl I love,
The girl that loves me.
I sit and I think,
About the feelings and thoughts,
That seem to come about,
When it seems I’ve forgot,
That she really cares,
Like nobody before,
Much more than Heather,
That stupid-*** *****.

Let’s think a second here,
She smokes and drinks beer,
Along with these habits,
Comes unending fear,
That she likes other addiction,
More than our love,
More than our friction,
Cause when push comes to shove,
I’ll let her shove me,
Right down the stairs,
Before I create some part of her,
That will need repairs,
Years and years from now,
If she ever left,
If she ever up and,
Stole my heart out my chest,
And ran and ran,
Blood spewing and spraying,
Like love was a game,
That is just meant for playing.

And she talks to this guy,
A past sugar daddy,
He thinks that he’s sly,
With Britney and Maddie,
And Courtney and Tia,
In all corners of the world,
He’s got girls that will be a,
Nice ***** for him,
And he likes my baby,
And she says she misses him,
So maybe... just maybe,
If she goes to Canada,
And decides to meet him,
They’ll get in a situation,
Where she decides to treat him...

I know this will never happen,
But there will always be the fear,
That one of us will **** up,
So I worry the end is near.
Soon I’ll gain trust,
This won’t last forever,
But, until then,
Trust issues I’ll sever,
I’ll cut them all off,
One by one,
Because feeling this feeling,
Is anything but fun.

Can you picture it ?
This little black fuzzy warm coat on this teenager in 103 degree weather
"My goodness she must be warm"
"Take the jacket off its too hot for it"
"I'm FINE, but thank you for your worry"
I was FINE.
I liked hiding behind this black jacket
It was apart of me and it kept me comfortable
Even if it was 103 degree's outside
Cover the tummy
Cover the arms
Cover the wrists
Cover the bruises
Cover the scars
Cover the scratches
Cover the back
Cover the chest
Cover the finger
Pull it over your hands
Like a shield
If someone forced me to take it off
It was just end of the world
I had to go somewhere else so that I could wear it.
The freezing computer room was my favorite
At least I was comfortable
Somewhat
I wasn't exposed in just a T-shirt
even though I wasn't exposed
"Your a beautiful young lady."
"Why do you hide behind that jacket"
I was just so scared to answer
But I can answer now
I didn't want the janitor that followed the girls around the school to notice me and make his new path into mine
I didn't want the feeling of being watched all the time
I didn't want that shadow laying on my back
Didn't want all eyes on me.
So this little black coat became my security blanket
In bed it made me feel like the wondering eyes were no longer there.
Even if they didn't exist
Like the cameras hidden in the the little thumbtack holes were gone
Or if they weren't they couldn't see anything
Like the man under my bed went away because there was nothing interesting to see
Nothing to see here
All I have to do is wear this coat
Going into the bathroom pulling it down towards my knees
Covering up everything that exists about my body that can be used for someone else's sick pleasures
The 2 sided mirror wasn't going to capture anything
Except my little black coat

writing your name with my own hands
in the 'Absent' column on the blackboard
chalk and tears; unpredictable fears
you're still not here.

to that cheerful girl that I love the most,
a friend that is always happy and full of jokes,
but all you can see is just a peak,
there is more when you continue the seek.

see, that girl with two faces,
one with a smile and one with a frown,
under those masks are tears of her realities,
the pain of rejection and judgements of this world,
she chose to be isolated,
fearing the rising oblivion around her.

see, her mind clouded by her deepest thoughts,
many she have fought,
to attain freedom against the circling storms,
and for her to assess her greatest confusions

see, deep down into her soul,
the resonating sounds of her cries and remorse,
waiting to explode ,
crawling into infinitive darkness,
every second counts as if it's not endless.

see, her heart being a prey to fools,
doing everything,
and breaking borders and rules,
but the saddest is after all of that,
her heart was left broken too,
no one to comfort,
for she's just hiding it's pain.

keep her, treasure her,
she's a person to keep with a side of wittiness to spare,
love her the way she loves the world,
show to her that she's important too,
make her the happiest person.

if you are like her,
thank you for being a part of this world,
people who sacrifice things for others to be satisfied,
i know how many times you cried,
but don't worry,
there will come a time that fate itself will bring you someone,
someone that will give the same importance as you did.

worries and fears
make for strange bedfellows -
they hold your hand,
as if to soothe you,
and then whisper into your ears
a long list of names
of the people who loathe you.

i try not to be bitter,
i try to escape mental quicksands.
but here's when i don't mind
being called a quitter,
at least i have time,
and my own heart in
my own hands.

when my bedfellows turn
to talk to me in the dead of night,
i turn too - a blind eye,
no indication of despair or delight.
it is better that they rest
in a bed together,
i'd like to run as far away as possible -
the less i know,
the better.