To depend we when;
Safe doing feel thoughts and can purpose.
Vulnerable trust what honest encourages;
Safe when fulfils family feeling.
Other depend.

Whens therapy starting?
Why?
Cause you make me hate me..
The truth?
Sometimes you make me want **** myself...

Like the moon
a phone cannot capture you.
You’ve never been one to pose
or say ‘cheese’
so I can only hope
that grin
that spark
stays printed in my mind
forever
in the absence of a frame.

I keep telling everyone
how beautiful they are
and how much they matter
and how much I love them.

I spend all day motivating
the people around me.
I say such encouraging things,
and I mean every word,

but why can't I say
the same things to myself?

Every night, I lie in bed and think of her, her lost eyes

My heart cries as I see her sitting alone
   Staring vacantly out the window at the bird feeder
   The bitter truth is
   The things she forgets are the banal moments
   Her days have become groundhog, so is it so bad to not realise that she is in that cycle?
   The things that matter she still remembers
The time when she was 8 and had laughter with passing soldiers

Playing pranks on those same soldiers with the cheeky grin that’s never left her
When she nearly ended up in Canada to stay safe
Sharing sweets with the best friend she loved and lost

She remembers mum when she was just a foot tall
She remembers me when I could only utter the odd word
She remembers my brother when he had the cheekiest grin, and the brightest laugh
She may even remember better than we all do
Its funny how that works
Laughter is the best medicine she tells me
This is something I now believe wholeheartedly
As every time I see her I see it in action
She makes me laugh
She helps me understand life
She respects me
She builds me up

Strength, endless strength
Smile, the smile it never leaves her
Leaving her breaks me,
But seeing her break, hurts me.
Reality, she isn’t broken
Just stuck on the rewind button
She’s still here
She’s still with me
She’s one of the lucky ones
I’m one of the lucky ones
We’re one of the lucky ones


People ask how is she doing?
I simply answer she is in a battle against groundhog day, And get this she is winning.

"I wish I could show y'all inside my brain
So i wouldn't have to say or write my thoughts
I fear that if i were to write them or say them, I'd make it true
And they are not thoughts i want to be true
I don't know what I want.
Not pity, definitely, that's what my family would give me.
Along with anger. And disappointment.
I don't wanna see that.
I guess I'm scared.
Of the reactions possible should my thoughts truly be let out.
I be honest. Honest to a point.
A point i have never crossed.
Because by not telling, i am lying.
Always."

Winter comes and goes,
white fleece coating games of tag,
petals of all colors shriveling
into an anxious fret,
buried in the soil
just as those before them,
only to grow and flourish in the spring,
a new game of tag emerging,
a new friend found,
included like family from day one.

A family may be tied
with the thinnest of knots,
a frail reminder that blood
is nothing more than a liquid,
draining as the dust settles,
going extinct as the calendar renews.

Or, in the sweetest of holy dreams,
a family may be sautered with stardust,
existing into infinity,
something even distance
couldn’t dare to separate.

That is what we are.
A living slumber,
a mother too young
to understand heartbreak,
eyes closed for so long
she may never wake.

You are my children,
brighter than the colors on a rainbow,
the trail leading to the gold
of your brother’s hair,
the trophy you’ll never win,
the ring he’ll never give you.

Because he doesn’t exist,
my angel, and like the heavens,
you shall always remain a mystery.

A mystery I will continue to solve,
but a mystery I will never close.

my breath smells the same as my sister's.
not our explicitly clean breath, nor our post-meal breath,
but the natural essence that diffuses from within that cavity.

our parents were the same so the germs- the bacteria
that populate our orifices must be related too.
twin tongues, the same undulating monuments of calcium
and cavity.