What are you going to do
when everything you thought you knew
turns away and leaves you to the wolves.
What are you going to do
when the plans you once drew
are no longer legible.
What are you supposed to do
when your psyche turns to something new
and the voices in your head are no longer familiar.
What are you supposed to do
when you find out red is really blue
and you're a muddled shade between.

(September 19, 2015 // 2:56 A.M.)

Years, and many of them, can run right passed us, and I’d still feel my childhood home knocking at my chest when I see you.

I’ll be 16, melting, and wondering why your lips look darker as your cheeks become more red.

You’ll always be familiar, your hands will always be cold during the summer, and your skin will always be the first canvas I painted with my whispers.

Somewhere
Along these piles of paper
Scratched and scarred
By pens and pains
That never finish anything,
I was read,
Understood
And continued.

Somewhere
Between conversations
Of screams and whispers
Lost in a sea of words
Meant and made-up,
I was found,
Believed in
And listened to.

Somewhere
In this great big clutter
Of thoughts and memories
Whether strangers or familiars
With futures and histories,
Your mind
Will always recognize
My mind.

I knew you before
I have seen you in my dreams
Planning my demise.
-Aiyana

A sliver of air on the wind
Cold, but familiar
Then she kept going
Saying she wasn't good for me
Saying goodbye everyday
I convinced her to stay
And I stayed by the frosty air that was my
"Love"
My "Baby boo"
My Gabs
But today she left,
And now I'm colder than I was before...
They all leave... I guess she was no different

a home, above all else,
is familiar.
it does not have to be comfortable,
nor does it have to be full.
a home is probably a favorite place to be,
or maybe it houses some of the cruelest memories.

I like homes where I can drive quick and still avoid each upcoming pothole--
ones where old neighbors and new couples hunker down for their respectful chapters of life.
I like homes where I can walk around each obstacle in the kitchen with my eyes shut tight and only bang my shins a little bit.

a home is a sense, an intuition.
it is a place where you can dance while no one is watching.
you can fling your tears and regret at the walls and let them absorb your true feelings,
hushing you with their pillows and soft sounds and views.

a home is a home anywhere you choose it to be,
but above all else,
a home is familiar,
and that is a home to me.

You are sunbeams cast long on a couch through
A window, whose mesh drags like fingers
On a fence through the sighs of the warm Spring
Air; Beautiful,
Comfortable, familiar,
Lovley.

i look in your eyes
but i don't recognize you
no, not anymore

I let my hair grow long
until it's brown and thick
we're sitting on the floor
wine on our lips
the records playing
we're both getting lost
you've become so bored
of the place you once called home

you no longer smile
when you see the city you once loved
there's not as much comfort in the shades of blue
little do you know they're all shades of you
i wish i could get lost in your shades of blue
i just want to get lost in you

you're becoming bored of yourself
and the places you used to go
I wonder when you will get bored of me
and my hands you liked to hold
or the shades of blue in myself
i tried to hide
but they couldn’t help showing the times i  held you
when you cried

i don’t want to admit it
but i know you will go
because with people like me
what is there to love?

I’m just this crumbling sidewalk
you avoid on your morning commute
i’m the car in the junkyard
with bullet holes
my arms are rusted shut
but i will still reach for you
after it all

i’m not sick of your shades of blue
when i wake up to the curves of you
in the morning
the familiarity does not bore me,
it comforts me.
but it’s not like that with everyone
i get bored easily sometimes
but not with you.
my favorite city remains my favorite.
no matter how much I'm in it
I want to see the shades of blue
every day,
in your eyes, in your hair, in your lips, in your arms
I want to get lost in you with every step I take
on my crumbling sidewalk soul
These roads lead to you,
Always.