It has been said to me, "An act must thus ensue,
So that no one can ever see it's the world against you.
Yet that battle can only be fought behind the stage,
While everyone else sees you smile into your old age."

But they only love the mask, they only know the act,
They couldn't care any less for simple truth or facts.
By the end, perhaps, I'll finally believe,
And truly, completely, the world deceive.

I don't know where I'm going,
I scarce remember where I've been.
Still, blindly I am rowing until I reach that bitter end.

I'll be on that river by myself, all alone,
The truth is still unknown, the act all that remains,
For by now I am the mask of a man without a name.

1/1/15
(Revised 4/18/15)

I am active yes I am ,indeed active
Unlike the twisted picture you paint
I do say it on your face that I hate it
When I hate it, and I don't love it just because you love it.
But you urge me to love it,still I say no.
I say a no to every no of mine
A big yes to every yes of mine
I am active ,indeed active
unlike the twisted story you tell.
I don't cry because you hit me hard
Because you deserve not my tears
But my indifference and neglect
I am active because I am passive towards you,regard you and about you.
With you or without you I am still active
And of course am still the rider in this race.
May be my FB account does not green it
Sometimes whatsapp pic forget to celebrate it
Often the actions miss to notify it
Rarely silence doesn't loudly appreciate it
Still I am active.

The thirsty throat of my thought never lets me think
It swallows up each idea into the dead mass of depression
Selecting what joys to **** dry each day
Headaches and hangovers help me forget my forgetfulness
The remiss panic attacks assist my fugue state
Then my own failure and impending irrelevance does me the honor
Of piercing the center of my skull like a rhino's horn
Grateful I feed it my fears and futilely fake freedom for my family
They can’t know, they have problems I know, I wont let it show,
Friends, whether fake or “for real” worry for me,
Disgraceful
Im not some sappy sonofabitch looking for sorrow
Just wake me when I’m already late and disappointing you tomorrow

it’s okay to not be okay.
you can say what you want.
But it’s just not your day.
You can say you fine,
but you know it’s fake
people ask what the want and you smile and wave,
but for their sake
you try to be positive.
Which sometimes hurts.
but sometimes there is the flicker
of happiness and laughter.
But when it’s over you realize.
you’re alone.
And you’re not okay.
And that’s okay.

I am always sleepy
Never really breathing
Freaking out
When I see other sides of me
No one knows who I am
Never really seeing
That fake smile
Set so easy
Trips you up
Into believing
My eyes way to heavy
Never wanting to wake me
My dreams full of make believe
Leave me wanting more than anything
You only see me
Never really believe me
But sometime soon
You will notice
I am not who you think is me