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Liliw 4d
Raving

(When one hand of mine cups a pool of tears)


A crimson thread descends from the sky, piercing my fingertips
Blood flows towards the earth, crawling fiercely over my hand
When one hand of mine cups a pool of blood
Tears rise from the soil, flooding over half my chest
Tears flow towards the sky, stubbornly flowing backward on my face

When I clasp my hands together, even heaven and earth tremble
Yet this trembling world is utterly empty of people

I seem to be a person, I seem to be a flower
My petals are soft as a mother's lips
A mother's tears fall, painting a glorious, sorrowful, tender, and compassionate brilliance upon my face
My petals are cold and hard as winter's ice
The seasons chant and turn, piercing the very center of my heart with a tail of resolute, vast, and splendid light
The one within the hands, seems like a person, seems like a flower.
The one outside the hands, seems like a flower, seems like a person.

In an unspeakable rhythm, I clap my hands.
In the sound, the world collapses and rebuilds.
A crowd of people blooms into a single flower, a cluster of flowers decays into a single person
In the silence, people collapse and rebuild.
A cluster of flowers blooms into a single person, a single person decays into a flower
The flower opens its eyes, the person closes theirs
The person opens their eyes, the flower closes its
Open the flower's fissure, close the person's fissure
Close the person's fissure, tear open the flower's fissure
The flower is devoured, and is also loved.
Swallow love.
Soft, suffocating, enveloping.
Swallow the person.
The ice is loved, and is also devoured.
Love the swallowing.
Hard, stripping, piercing.
Love the person.

Borrow the flower
Borrow the ice
Borrow the tears
Borrow the blood
To form a pair of hands, to form a pair of hands.
To form a pair of stone hands, to form a pair of jade hands
To form a pair of steel hands, to form a pair of glass hands
To form a pair of flame hands, to form a pair of quicksand hands
To form a pair of hands no different from others', to form a pair of hands no different from others'.
Clasp hands, part hands
Clasp hands, part hands
Tears on the flower lose color, blood on the ice melts
Blood on the ice murders color, tears on the flower melt away
Tears on the flower turn barren, blood on the ice weathers away
Blood on the ice weathers away, tears on the flower turn barren
The soul lives upon the flower, the soul dies upon the ice.
The soul lives upon the ice, the soul dies upon the flower.
Clasp hands, part hands, clasp hands, part hands
Parting and clasping hands, the soul begins to blink
Parting and clasping hands, the soul begins to speak
Part hands
Part hands
Part hands
Clasp hands
Clasp hands
Clasp hands
The soul is dying, the soul is resurrecting
The soul begins to howl, the soul begins to leak
The land pierces us
Mother drowns us
The seasons caress us
The crimson thread in the sky chants of us
The flower begins to bloom, the ice begins to bloom, the person begins to bloom, the blood and tears begin to bloom
The person begins to be loved, the ice begins to be loved, the flower begins to be loved, the blood and tears begin to be loved
Swallow and spit out a person, swallow and spit out a flower, swallow and spit out a shard of ice, swallow a drop of blood and tear.
The palms begin to howl, the palms begin to leak.
Die, die, die, die
Resurrect, resurrect, resurrect, resurrect
See the dying palms, see the dying palms, see the dying palms, see the dying palms!
See the undying soul, see the undying soul, see the undying soul, see the undying soul!
See my
Your
His
See
Our
Your
Their
See! See! See!
Cannot but see!
Cannot but see!
All of them!
Palms! Palms! Palms! Palms!
Soul! Soul! Soul! Soul!
Shallow Strings spreaded
out in every spiral direction
in this hungrsystem
Where do I go?
To the strings that were already filled?
Where do I start?
To the strings that were already given?
Where do I live?
To the thoughts that say "i do not know."
Do I replace mu colorful battery
with a gray battery?
The fat spider likes them gray
for sure.
Do I replace my human eyes
with the spider eyes?
The eyes that are filled with illusions, paper, and profits.
Or do I keep my human heart,
still picking up the flies
that the strings "accidentally" drag in?
I do not know,
not in this spiral web
of struggles.
Seeking answers is a hobby I've taken
as seriously as a heart attack at Walmart
giving myself a ******* headache
taking everything as meaning something
because reality has to be real somehow
How do I know if I'm a good person
how do I know if life has purpose
if I have purpose or if my nervous stutter
and the peculiar way I stare into things
until I'm convinced I understand
means about as much as I'm assured
there's a higher power at the helm
overwhelmed with all our pedantic prayers
I don't know if I want everything
or if I simply want to survive
wondering why I have this instinct
fighting with overloaded stimulus
I dream of success as if it were a reflex
a response to the hammer tap tap tapping
at the back door of my mind
I'm kind to everyone because I know
what it's like to feel hatred for
all the sacred magic wrapped in plastic
but I've never learned how to be presentable
preventable scars blind me to the obvious
while pretending to be religious
and worship at the altar of typical
predictable and perfect *******
with a pretty bow and then everyone
will know that I'm a good person even though
I've got nothing to show for it
Acceptance, charisma, charming extrovert
perverted by societal norms
but it looks good on paper
tigers with no teeth, no claws
rage and pace around their cages
looking for an opportunity to ascend
transcend the mediocrity of being ordinary
Maybe there is no lesson
it's just a bunch of stuff that happens
and everyone but nobody is special
until we find ourselves
Jasper Sep 15
an atheist once said, dear god.
I'm lying here, waiting for nobody,
contemplating that, what I  said,
every memory ago. and
I have just concluded
with my essay on life and reality,
but still I think
there's something I'm missing, and
I realize it's the flesh in this great beast
we call reality, that fleshly heart
that got torn apart
by this other beast, we call
love.
now we are living here, in this carcass
of some dead, decaying animal
we cut through,
so we can stay warm,
while we're waiting
for nobody.

(the whole world is a ghost.)
AnonymousR Aug 30
Floating on an ocean without a shore in sight
"What is the meaning of life" was whispered in my mind

On a moonlit night in the middle of nowhere
I could hear nothing but the weeping of a clueless heir

In the depths of depth, where even light couldn’t reach
I saw him staring back, over the dreams to achieve

In the cold,so cold where even the sun could freeze
I saw him, by himself, looking for a gentle breeze

As a missing part somewhere, I couldn’t but admire
Yet I found myself, once again, nowhere, slowly drowning in an endless quagmire

In the search of warmth,a hope and light
I kept floating and floating,untill the dawn of this night
Kai Aug 13
Lately I’ve been testing fate
Numbness ‘til it’s late

Lately I’ve grown so fond
Of heartbeats skipping like a song

When roots grow out of a withered spine,
Do they birth new life?

When cracks split and flow,
Where is blood supposed to go?

Life or death,
Whatever’s best

Pulled apart this flesh
And laid this spine to rest
Hi
Lewis Aug 11
I find myself existing above where everything else is.
I do see the cars gliding in heavy rain, painting me with white Hollywood flashes but I could confidently argue that they wouldn't cast a shadow behind myself. I find myself existing outside of my body and away from everything I can see in some muted soft space in between.

I wonder if it is because I turn everything into symbols or is it because I am 26 and just trying to feel different. To feel smarter or better or kinder. Is that the goal of all this? There is space between everything I touch and no ability to feel the jagged edges or cold surfaces underneath my fingertips. A numbing that would drive me insane if I wasn't so bloated and churning with random thoughts; some good, some bad. Nothing specific.

I lay on the sofa and notice the moon reflected in the large windows. Two moons, a nice distance apart and somehow the same size and light. The only thing that tells me that one moon is a reflection is some guttural instinct. A discernment. I would love to say they emulated the eyes of a cunning cat or some other great power instead, but they looked blank. But they looked at me.

I feel myself reaching the end of this current mind shift. The one where everything has a meaning or everything is connected. I wonder if it has actually poisoned how I see things but I understand it is a natural progression. Instead I am moving towards the prophecies that things just happen. People can say things without meaning, things can exist without history. Pretty existential and less poetic. It should be less freeing but at the moment it feels more non-sensical and there is less music in everything. Ironic that I should find bliss in less blissful things and I wonder if that is an excuse. My next thing should be to write something beautiful.

To fashion something that is delicate with an expanding and deflating tidal force behind it so strong you could feel it in the muscles of your tongue. Or how the knocking on the door in the night pokes crashes of adrenaline into the top of your chest and contracts your torso with sickly electric, charging your muscles to move and how we are in all fact some weird victim to this wet newspaper slurry and sewage mosaic of stone greys and denim blues all coming together as one when you shake your head but leave your eyes open. And we are just trying and trying to swallow what things happen to us and around us all the time
The empty summer skies
infinte blue backdrop, a blissful abyss,
minute clusters of clouds as adrift as our lives,
caught by the furtive glance of my eyes

            the idle summer days,
doleful dreariness in my voided comfort,
as I'm destined to perspire by this sweltering sun,
endless ennui of my nihilistic nights,
an existence made intolerably light.

            the consuming summer craze,
No strength remains
in the absence of pain
soon to be my last.
Real respite feels fake when

           when subsumed in summer's haze
hysteria heated by the hell outside,
arrested ambitions amidst the laze,
beams and rays, now fill me with doubts and lies
down winding roads
i do nowt but list the days
as I stray back into my listless ways
headed towards the plains
to embrace the blissful graze

a life of blistered grace,
Time in a misty daze.
#9 - 08/24
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