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Mirage of lives,
Ever tell me current lies.
Mirage of time,
Sever bells that cries.
I live today,
But I died tomorrow.
I live today,
To see the old of me present.
Dead memories,
Unknown reality,
What shall wake me,
treacherous why.
I know who you are,
          but I don’t exactly know
          who you are to me, so
do I really know who you are?

I know who I am,
but I don’t exactly know
          who I am to you,
          nor even may I know
          who I am to myself, so
do I really know who I am?

I know what I feel,
           but I don’t really know
           what I know about what I feel, so
do I feel what I feel?

I know what I see,
          but I don’t really see
          what I know, so
do I see?

I hear what the world says,
          but I can’t hear
          what I say, so
do I hear anything at all?

I walk my own steps,
          but I don’t know
          where the road ends, so
am I really going anywhere?

I know why the sun sets
and why falls the night,
          but I don't know
          why there isn't another

rosy return      rosy return      rosy return 
                     
          for the mere man, so
is he all about the night
and his life but a dream?

What do I know of the things I know?
What do I see in the world I see?
What do I know of the things I feel?
Where do I walk to if it’s just a dream?

          And if it’s a dream,
          whose dream may it better be?

05/05/2025
Hirondelle
I marvel at how differently each of us may see certain things in life and accordingly have different feelings about it. I marvel a lot more at how people spend hours engaged in some petty talk whose script is quite predictable. It is bizarre that this could be happening in a world where uncertainty is the only certainty and change is the only constant in life.

It is no wonder, you will find some other people drawn to a solitary corner enjoying the 'skepticism party' in their heads. They are more often devoid of human company at this wild party, popping their own champagne and spilling taste and color on the ever-changing reality. What is party to the skeptic is discomfort and trouble for the nonchalant. The latter will prefer some small talk under a superscript.

For me life is beautiful, for it offers us plenty of riddles and a clever mind will relish this plethora of choices. Prescriptive texts, however, ruin the party transforming the thinker into a believer, converting the traveler into a waiter. With all the questions answered, there is no party for the believer. With all the treat put on the tray, they will suddenly find themselves holding the snack tray to others enjoying the party thinking that they are still a guest.

So, whose party, whose dream?
Santiago May 2
yo gasto
tanta plata
en ir a entrevistas
en las que me preguntan donde vivo
y ponen cara de sorpresa
cuando estaba en mi currículum
cuando se lo dije en la primera entrevista
y ahora me escriben:
lamentamos la molestia
Pienso en el campo
y en un hombre fallido
escrito mientras escuchaba Ein Sof (gran banda argentina), luego de recibir por whatsapp notificación de que no quedé para el trabajo al que me entrevistaron
The world is quiet now; the fading light
lies soft upon the hills, a gentle glow.
The sea extends beneath the coming night,
each wave a pulse of time in ceaseless flow.

Come stand with me, and hear the waters speak—
No voice of comfort, but a hollow song
of yearning deep, cruel, and forever bleak,
where hope and reason drown in tides too strong.

The clash is clear—our hearts, aflame with dreams,
cry out for meaning on the endless main,
yet nature answers not, and all that seems
secure is lost, like fire in the rain.

But let us not falter at the cold shore,
nor flee to gods or myths to dull the ache,
for though no meaning waits beyond the score,
this life we hold is ours alone to make.

And still the waves press on without regret,
indifferent to the cries that fill the air.
So we must stand unshaken, though beset
by stillness vast and burdens hard to bear.

Though life is fleeting, dark, and void of plan,
there’s beauty still—in love, in thought, in man.
You see what lies before,
Yet chase what could be more.
The simple stands concrete,
But ease eludes your feet.
No space to find complete.
Dreams shape what might unfold,
Yet quake where thoughts take hold.
You see, you know, you stall
A foe that builds a wall.
No fight can break its call.
Time bends, it carves, it breaks,
A paradox that takes.
In shadows, thoughts conceal
The paths you long to feel.
You row through waves unreal.
Infinity’s a trap,
A boundless, woeful map.
It twists what minds can know,
And kills where thoughts still grow.
Let ignorance bestow.
To stop, you must let go,
Release the undertow.
The void’s last kiss will miss
If will can break this bliss.
Step back from thought’s abyss.
Beyond the self, it lies
A truth no mind defines.
To name it is to bind,
To seek it is to grind.
The mystery’s unconfined.
How we never relent believing
     even in the clutches of doubt!
    
How we withold living
     -without the hues of dreaming  
     -and the nurturing arms of loving,
      both nursing suffering into healing!

How we move the quill to see more,
     and more to love what is essential in things,
     -even the things that fall and crumble
     amidst the ravenous roar and the rampant rumble!

How we defy the Frantic Fret of a hollering sky
     with a hued cry hovering over this raucous choir!

19/04/2025
Hirondelle
A dutiful reaction to Patty m on her 'Frantic', whose vibrant voice has ever been well carried above all tumult and thunder cajoling many fellow poets.

Inspired by Friedrich Nietzsche's Amor Fati: "I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who makes things beautiful. Amor Fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly.”

The more we write, the more we learn about the hodgepodge ensemble and discover a voice within; then, the less we start despairing and the more we begin to love. Thus, we raise our voices above the cacophony.

How our ink strikes to and fro;
Above dark skies wielding light,
no one is alone!
ab ja na Apr 17
i want food
i want to eat and sleep and be pampered
like a brat cat that gets so much love
enough of being a dog, it is tiring
and i think i am living in dog years
wait i was about to say cat years,
i want to live in tortoise years
as a tortoise
The child in me wants to grow up to become a tree.
The adult wants to die into it.
ab ja na Apr 15
but the time i thought this was it
wasn’t then
it was during a **** nap and this one i loved was having a good nap
her hair under the noisy fan kept brushing at my face
but i didn’t move
now it is a fading memory and i still don’t move

ruffle my hair,
i miss being touched, caressed.
not callously although that felt good too
when there was none
i selfishly yearn for you to be selfish about me
because what if selfless love does not obsess you enough
i desire not the selfless love that in its selflessness is willing to let go
possess me kindly unkindly

forgive how i drape my existence with a contradictory me
both, both are me pleading
you know what is a good condiment for morbid existentialism? being a giver of unrequitable love.
ab ja na Apr 15
and the marked moments of how i rejoiced too
while i sat on my knees and ate their lips
as they peed on me
i would look up and i saw they want it
and they wanted me to tell and i wanted it too yes
because i could be the only one they can do it with too
i felt special
and it felt good, yeah

and i liked being smothered under them
giving them all the power over me,
i thought maybe that made them feel good about themselves
and so they'd love me because i never could love myself
how selfish of me

don't give me the crap about i have to start loving myself
truth is
it is your excuse to not meet me where i am
and if even there is reason and rationality to that principle
**** i have tried and you didn’t give me nothing then
you called me a worm under your shoe

worm under a shoe,
does it coil up,
does it fit into the crevices and around your feet
what if it found a little cozy home around the base of shoes
and took itself where the shoes went
with you

anyway
a friend once told me i am fine with everything
so i wrote a poem about how i want someone to
lay together and decay together with, a poem
that no one read so i had to pay for someone to read it.
******* four lines
and i had to pay in hopes someone would soulfuck me enough
just once
ah no i wanted more than once
the 2nd part of my confessional, i thought i always bared all but then one day i just wanted to skin myself, maybe that way i can tell what my bare all is right.
Create me to love,
But to never be accepted.
Bind my soul to sin.
Then for sin, deem me rejected.

Destine me to burn,
But to never burn clean.
Create me in divine image,
That's never to be seen.

Persuade me to trust,
To ensure I’d feel betrayed.
Gift me with a life,
To watch a life's decay.

Give me fragile emotion,
To observe my shattered core.
Hoard all sense of peace,
In a world at constant war.

Offer me no wings,
Then demand I ascend.
Force me to be strong,
Then force me to bend.

Decide my directions,
Then curse all the roads.
Promise me forgiveness,
That's neither felt nor shown.

Mold my faulted psyche,
To be damaged by confusion.
Make real my nightmares,
Make my dreams the delusion.

Shackle down my conscience,
Then tell me that I’m free.
Create me in divine image,
Drive me to hate what I see.
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