Depression is like a bottomless pit
Once you fall in
You can almost never get out

You claw at the walls of the deep hole
Using all of your strength
To climb to the surface
The effort is grueling
But you have a spark of hope
That you're strong enough

But a stone falls from above
Catching you off guard
And you fall once again
Landing ******* the cold floor
Right back where you started

Your body is weak and exhausted
The attempt to save yourself
Is taking its toll
You lie on your back
Gazing up at the light
Coming from the entrance of the chasm
But you are too weary to try again
So you lay there
As your hope fades away

I don’t know anymore, how to feel something again
Feels like I’m drifting, lost in outer space, to god knows where
Unanchored from everything, yet my chest is heavy, eyes are lifeless
Each day repeats itself, every conversation feels hollow, insincere

I bury myself in work, not to build, but to forget
Laughter doesn’t echo, smiles barely stretch, just motions
And if I disappear, would it really matter?
It’s not selfish, just silent. Space swallows sound, and maybe it swallows me too.

In this silence, I lay dormant—
I no longer expect anymore.
There’s no pull, no push, just a vast, empty stretch.
The stars hang motionless, indifferent
and I’m no different

I stare at those dark markings above,
Knowing how tired I am.

There's a fetid vibration humming
Through my bones,
Through my blood,
Through my every thought.

I'm so exhausted,
Yet I can't sleep.
I'm so exhausted
That the only pill
That could put me to sleep
Is a stray bullet.

There's a rancid susurration chiming
Through my flesh,
Through my bones,
Through the very essence of my coil.

I'm so tired
And in need of sleep.
I'm so tired
That even the cold steel
Of the train tracks
Welcomes me
As the only pillow
I can see myself able
To rest my head upon.

There's a rotten pulsation howling
Through my blood,
Through my bones,
Throughout.

I'm so drained
That an eternity of sleep
Just wouldn't do
Anything...
My only solace
Are the minute finger prints
That echo a memory of starlight
On a darkened ceiling.

Holding out hope
Like a hand reaching through time
Holding space
Providing the arrows that pierce my heart

Thinking of you
Longing for you
Vacillating
Unable to ever truly close the door on our connection

I guess I did it to myself
Giving love to someone who never deserved me
Trusting what I felt instead of what I saw
Allowing you to occupy the space without ever filling it
Choosing to respect what felt stronger than anything I’ve ever known

I guess I did it to myself
Fooling
Blinding
Reaching
You left the room
Without so much as an "I’m grateful that you’re here"
Without so much as an "I love you too"
Without so much as a thread of hope

I guess I did it to myself
Provided the bow and quiver
Placed it steadfastly and aimed it straight for the heart

I guess I did it to myself, opened myself up for disappointment
You left the conversation without so much as a "Seeing you sent my heart soaring and my mind racing"
All of the timelines between us collapsed and there we were face to face
She standing in her truth and he still stuck in a lie
Fearful that if his heart ever stood for itself, the facade would crumble and shatter at his feet
And he would find himself naked with only one truth they know: love

I guess I did it to myself, allowing love to pass through me for you
Living in parallel universes with you
Because you asked me to

I guess I did it to myself, showing up in the now and wanting you to hold me the way I hold you

I’m exhausted
Saddened by you and for what could be

I kick boulders not rocks
Boulders
Boulders
Boulders
Boulders into pebbles until I find peace with you and skip trace them across the frequencies until they lay at your feet, constant reminders of the path you choose between us

Pebbles of love, sun, wine, hammocks, song, black and white, solitude together, heartbreak, silence, grey check marks, music, promises unkept, Irish goodbyes and outright lies

I will find peace with you in the love of another man’s arms until there is no peace because he is not you

Why did we ever have to meet?
What wrong thing in my existence did I ever do to deserve you?

I guess I did it to myself, believing in you, in love, in siempre
Pierced with the fiercest of arrows

I kick boulders not rocks
Boulders
Boulders
Boulders
Boulders into pebbles until I find peace with you and skip trace them across the frequencies until they lay at your feet, constant reminders of the path you choose between us

I’m sick of seeing the green guy, something needs to change. Show me love.

I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep.
I don't want to hear the alarms beep.
I want to lay with my eyes shut
only to open them in a dream.

It doesn't have to be romantic or anything
Just something unrelated to life
I think I'm exhausted, let's not get into the why.
I just want to sleep.

the night after the covenant school shooting, i was at work.

a man comes in and is very kind to me,
seems kind to his wife as well. but he turns and i see something on his hip, a holster. and the gun.

now, i live in tennessee. the sight was not too strange, but so unsettling after what had just happened. how could he walk around openly carrying the same weapon that had killed people just hours before?

how could he bring a firearm into our store, after hearing about those deaths?

these prayers to gods who don’t hear us are not working, and our government does not know how to protect us in ways that matter. we can scream at the top of our lungs that it isn’t fair, but it will fall on deaf ears.

as a child in america, i am terrified every day. terrified that my brothers will not make it home after i drop them off. terrified that my mom will pick up the wrong substitute teaching job. terrified that my best friends will not graduate with me because this country is more focused on how people represent themselves rather than what is killing us.

i am seventeen and i am so tired of being scared for my ******* life. there is blood on the floor and on our hands and in our memories and we practice hiding in our classrooms and workplaces because it is real. these kids were real and now they are dead.