You were the boy next door
literally and figuratively
I loved you from the moment I saw you
Beautiful golden wavy hair
cut short but ****
soft eyes of a deer...
such a warm buttery brown

I used to fantasize about this feeling
though didn't know if
how, when, where...why
I was innocent as a newborn lamb
you seemed to only like me
or as if you only wanted ***

I was projecting or protecting
I am not certain
But the soft tender sensuous first kisses
I still can taste in my mouth
like sticky sweet caramel
every time I run my tongue over my lips
I remember....
I loved that mouth... and everything attached to it.

Our song was "Hello" by Lionel Richie
And you never knew
I thought of you constantly
after the kiss...for a long time
I waited

So I never thought you were coming back
Graduation came and with a determination
to undo the innocence
craving to know what everyone else already did
The night of baccalaureate
lyrical voices
"strawberry wine
seventeen...
hot July moon
saw everythin'
taste of love
Ahhhh bittersweet
like strawberry wine"
innocently
playing out for real
the most handsome guy there
Said he was 24
asked for a kiss... drunken silly, flirty girl
"Maybe... if I can get a burger first?"
he delivered so we kissed
though he was a gentleman that night
I made a date with destiny

Still remember
I wore a short denim skirt the front like button pants Confederates wear
so kissed warmly by the sun...tanned Native, naive skin...
a lacy white cotten tank top and these terrific kicks...black leather biker boots, square toed...kick ***
curly black long hair... hazel eyes
some say they can see green and gold in there...or something mysterious
Though I don't think I'm much of a mystery
I wore a little mascara... a bit of summertime blush and lip gloss
When I stepped out I got a "Wow"... so beautiful...**** girl"
I used to hear that sometimes but never felt that way... often times it made me uncomfortable
But I smiled and took his hand and trusted him
It was a barn dance so much fun
but I don't remember the ending so well
kind of fuzzy
I guess I drank too much
I do...I do...I do remember his touch
a strange smile just cursed my lips

So that summer I was with him
His father was a ***** pervert, an animal
and I couldn't stand to be around him
I remember jumping in the pool and it's ***** paws trying to touch me
If I told my Father
he would have killed him!
I remember he comforted me though
he did defend me that day
His mother was just such a horrible *****
I'm sure maybe because of his Father...
Brutally honest.. I suppose she told me I was just a plaything
I didn't believe her

Still don't... honestly
He used to like me to sing to him
In the back of his truck where we made a makeshift bed and we'd lie down looking at the stars....
and he left some pretty deep scars
But I remember...focus on the delightful, appealing  things too
like going to the lake and the engine died we had to paddle our way back
and there were bats overhead swooping and diving
He shrieked like a girl and I laughed...
we both did

As it turns out
He was seeing an older woman... I don't know how long
He was really 28 and so was she
Apparently they work together
To spare you the details I ran over his mailbox when I left and I never looked behind me...

I came back
your best friend
was dating my best friend
and you asked if I would go to the beach with you did you really think
I was going to say no?
I climbed in the car there you are
in the backseat
our eyes met like the day of the first kiss
I can still picture it now actually
you took my hand and you pulled me in
I laid my head on your lap...
Looking up in your eyes so happy to be home
we kissed again
finally...

I told you the story of how I'd been hurt
It did matter how much you'd flirt
or caress my hair, touch that spot...rub my neck... lift up my locks...and kiss me there, making yummy sounds...deep and seductive..
making yummy memories...

I was determined not to be hurt that way again
so you courted me for 9 months
And then you asked me to marry you...
So it was never all about ***...
although I know you thought I was **** and beautiful...your curvy hippie girl...and you knew that I thought you were beautiful too...my handsome shadowed face...baseball cap and sneakers, sorta tight fittin blue corduroy  pants  that just looked perfect ... maybe it was the back pockets and a nice white pin striped blue shirt with fold down collars
your laugh, the games of basketball, horseshoes, Frisbee... swimming
food... eating together was like food ***
we so enjoyed the connecting
the sharing...the tastes and flavors
you loved my cooking...thank you

I remember the convertible Mustang
our boat the four wheelers
we had everything and a four-bedroom cape... nice cars..
worked hard....nice things
we did lots of things together
we endured some terrific pain
nearly watching our daughter die
and watching your mother actually go
and your friend... snowmobiling will never be the same again Joey Laquerre... a local racing Legend gone
Irony? I don't know
his son dies at 17 in 2014 an ATV accident...

So many secrets so many skeletons we share in our closet
I miss that safe place and I know you do too
If everyone really knew ...everything..
well...it's such an epic love story
you told our daughter
And our son... how wonderful it all was
Reminisce with them a little too much even
I asked you why
you said you didn't know
and I guess you still don't
you're still with her
the one you left me for... you know
And the guy from baccalaureate he's still with her too
if I was so wonderful
then why did you have to go?

Happy Anniversary to the death of a marriage... 13 years

Cherie Nolan© 2016

Hello & Goodbye

All melodramatics aside,
maybe I’ll die tomorrow,
I ask myself every day,
what am I living for anyways,

sure I’ve got my friends,
friends such as you,
but honestly after I’ve given up the ghost and gone,
maybe you’ll mourn a bit but then that’ll be it,

I’m sick with something drugs can’t cure so why not quit,
I mean I’m bored of this life anyways,
I suppose I can’t go until my parents die though,
because no parent should ever see their son pass,

or daughter,
I authored,
a collection of poetry larger,
than any other author every who bothered,
to even write poetry,
and this includes Emily Dickinson,
but I’m not here to compare,
I’m here to make a statement,

all melodramatics aside,
maybe I’ll die tomorrow,
I ask myself every day,
what am I living for anyways,

chasing my addictions,
not the least of which is women,
not to objectify women,
but honestly every thing and one is a drug,

even you,
even me,
even the words,
that create this poetry,

I’m searching,
for some relief,
or at least,
something to fill the hole in my heart,

I’m missing something,
and I can’t quite find what it is,
I suppose it’s difficult to get what you’re looking for,
if you don’t know what what your looking for is,

fck this,
and no I didn’t mean to cuss,
but sometimes that happens,
when recording stream of consciousness,

this is me,
in all my honestness,
no apologies no excuses,
just these thoughts that turn into muses,

that I’ve learned to describe,
in away attractive enough to get paid,
two #1 books in a row,
and I just give all the profits away,

randomly picking a charity,
because any charity can use the money better than I can,
I just spend it out speeding up my time of death,
and I can’t help it but don’t blame me it’s not like it was part of my plan,

I’ve given all that I can,
dedicated my everything to the words that compose these books,
I’ve sacrificed any resemblance of a normal life,
so that others can live and learn through these words,

I have no children,
and I left every good woman that wanted to marry me,
what many don’t understand is in order to be one of the greats,
you have to dedicate your whole life to the craft,

and that makes for a lonely road,
I guess that’s why every artist is disturbed,
but it’s the pain in the poetry that numbs the pains of reality,
and this much I’ve begrudgingly understood,
since I when I started writing,
wrote my way back from suicide,
had slashed my wrist ready to reset,
because sometimes to really live you’ve gotta die,

I write,
at a fervorous pace,
making up words as I go no time to conform to literary norms,
I’ve got a date with Destiny and we have History to make.

Get it?

A date with Destiny,
get married and have a baby called History,
it’s just another parallel analogy,
see I’m a double entendre monster with this poetry,

addicted to the way these words feel,
like I’m addicted to the way a women feels,
for the love of God,
I love her so much in this surreal world sometimes she’s the only one that feels real,

please,
come here,
hold me I’m slipping,
I’m losing sight of life I need a reminder why I’m alive,

I need you,
I’m not joking,
alone as a tombstone on a deserted island with no cemetery,
alone as a miner trapped in a coal mine or rather as alone as the canary,

feeling sick from the carbon monoxide and other toxins that this civilization spews,
and like I said before all melodramatics aside I’m lost and ready to die but that’s old news,

there is no new news,
I’ve done it all win lose or draw,
I’ve played every game walked every avenue,
I’ve written everything I’ve seen and I’ve seen it all,

so all melodramatics aside,
maybe I’ll die tomorrow,
I ask myself every day,
what am I living for anyways,

sure I’ve got my friends,
friends such as you,
but honestly after I’ve given up the ghost and gone,
maybe you’ll mourn a bit but then that’ll be it,

my body will die but my books will still live,
because every word I write is given as a gift,
I was given this gift of gab so I use it,
to scribe our collective consciousness,
it’s a ***** job but somebody’s got to do it,
so I guess I’ve been elected with is fine it’s not like I have any kids,
and sure when I’m gone I might be missed,
but you’ll always have my books and I’ll live through these words,
immortalized like a statue of stone erected in the museum of life,

I’ll take this one for the team don’t worry I’ll be just fine,

I,
I,
I,
I feel sick,
I’m ready to sleep,
I’ve given this world every word that ever came to me,
now please,
just let me be,

lonely as an abandoned house becomes,
after all the children have grown and gone away,
after the parents become old and pass,
and nature begins to reclaim every inch of him,

ivy grows along the outer walls,
tree roots crack the foundation,
the roof finally caves from the incessant rains of time,
and the soul of the home is sent to another destination,

I’ve been waiting,
for someone anyone to come here and hold me,
to tell me that they are here that they love me and will never leave me,
but no one’s come yet and if they did and they said that they’d be lying because everyone eventually leaves,

Hello,
goodbye,
I’m,
leaving,

all melodramatics aside,
maybe I’ll die tomorrow,
I ask myself every day,
what am I living for anyways…

∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆


24/08/16

Sintra, Portugal

I perched on my rock and beckoned him,
filling my lungs with sea air and
exhaling words that tasted sweet.
I watched his ship as it slowed,
and I saw his men corral to the rails,
clawing and calling and cursing
at me.

He approached the rail
with tearful eyes,
and a discontented heart
that I sang so softly to soothe.
As he dove to the swelling sea
I stitched together a song of glory and romance and paradise
for his ears alone.

He swam toward me
across an ocean of desperation
that he had so avidly denied,
and louder I sang.
When he struggled and faltered
I promised him more with
the breath of my lungs and
the gleam of my eyes,
I cheered my sailor on.

Exhaustion filled his ears
so that he could not hear me,
the ocean surged to fill his lungs,
and I swam to save my love.
I dove and I cradled and I carried
and I laid him down upon the sand.
A caress of his cheek and all he could say
was, "Sing for me, please".

I laid on the sand and comforted him,
filling my lungs with sea air
and exhaling words that tasted sweet.
I watched his chest as it slowed,
and in the distance I saw his men corral to the rails,
clawing and calling and cursing
at me.

He approached his end
with tearful eyes
and a broken heart
that I sang so softly to soothe.
And as he dove into the afterlife
I stitched together a song of glory and romance and paradise
for his ears alone.

He swam away from me,
across an ocean of ethereal waves
that he so avidly defied,
and louder I sang.
When he struggled and faltered
I promised him more with
the heave of my lungs and
the glint of tears in my eyes,
I coaxed my sailor on.

Death filled his ears
so that he could not hear me,
the ocean surged with his stolen breath,
And I sang to quiet my love.
I cried and I held and I mourned
and I laid myself down upon the sand.
A caress of his cheek and all I could say was,
"Wait for me, please."

El Mirador

The Sikh man on the the rooftop balcony,
tells me if I have any problems in this city,
to come and see him,
and he will deal with it,

he’s serious,
and he’s loving,
and his black eyes reflect,
against the black streeted city,
in a way that leaves no doubt,
upon my incensed mind,

we are in,
a Belizean town,
on the Guatemala border,
it’s late the moon is there,
as She always is such a trusted companion,

the balcony smells,
of humid resentment,
there is a sleepy nostalgia,
blowing through the air,

everything looks misty,

tomorrow I depart for Flores,
then to El Mirador,
the largest pyramid in the world,
waiting for me to explore,

I have a few days,
found some extra time,
between flying to NYC,
then flying to Milan,
to find my way to El Mirador,
it’s a six day hike from Flores,
this is something that’s calling me,
told you before I’m a traveler not a tourist,

I’m packing my bags,
getting ready for another trip,
my business is straight,
and my 5th book is almost finished,

which gives me a few days to breathe,
to hike into the jungles in respect of the pyramids,
and I was packing my bags and getting everything ready,
when I decided to take a break and step out onto the balcony,

where to my surprise I found a man,
sitting in the dark,
resting in the infinite,
space of time and thought,

and when I discovered him,
he began to speak,
he told me he’d come from Amritsar,
and that he was a Sikh,

Seek and Ye shall find,
so I go with God,
and get back to getting ready,
for my trek to El Mirador.

— ∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆ —

The H Trilogy
Volume 1
7/7/16
∆

Check out this track I just made back in Hollywood. It's a cool little love ditty... Maybe you'll like it maybe you won't, but it's worth a listen either way. And of course, it's absolutely FREE to download :-) Thank you ALL and I LOVE you so much!

https://soundcloud.com/solomon-steadman/get-a-grip

Upon Auhr, the walled fortress, the priests wait.
Sitting and hoping and praying for the return to the old ways of magic.

A mother sat, burdened with child.
The delivery to be made within minutes.
A ****** conception hailed by the sept to bring about the will of the Good.

This child, as fate saw fit, had been selected to be a magical reliquary;
A type of ley line to which the powerful reigned over their kingdoms and fifes.
Yet the previous phylactery had fallen, perished amongst the hounds howling; Shouting their desire for blood and fear and ultimately... control.

So to the priest we brought the woman and her gift so that magic;
That power... would not again fall into the hands of those hungry to own.
Instead a pact was struck;
A deal to ensure the boy would grow to be a wise and true ruler;
While also granting the priest and his sept access to the ethereal temptation of magic.

===================================

Within Auhr a child was born and for a generation peace ensued.
Philosophy and ethics were the thresholds of the Aurish culture.
One after another, generous philosopher kings guided the construction of an empire.

An imperial order was established shortafter;
Built by the very first priests that had shielded the One from exploitation.
Corruption had infiltrated their minds;
Their very souls,
To the point that they had forgotten the very reason power had begotten them.

The broken priests betrayed their God and were so lost in the process,
That eventually their greed led them back to Him;
The boy become old man, bearing the weight of the needy upon his back.

"Why have you returned?" The Wizened Wizard asked of them.

"You have something we all desperately wish to share with the masses."
They cackled menacingly behind weathered skin leathered with years.

"And what might I have to offer you holy men of my covenant that can be shared?"
He asked of the shrouded snakes huddled behind their robes;
In pittance for their transgressions do they dawn the hood.
A vain attempt to shield the world of the Good before their eyes.

"Magic!"
They all cooed in unison.
"Life!" They chanted as they began to enclose their deity.

"My death?!" The Savior exclaimed, "will only further define your destiny."
"You parasites can leech upon my life's blood and engorge yourself with my flesh.
In the process you will destroy what light is left within you and only darkness will remain.
The worst kind of magic will emerge;
The kind of Death that will reave this world asunder and erase the progress We made."

The grand priest of Auhr walked within inches of the Wizened Wizard;
And like he did when the chosen child was born, he embraced his reliquary...
Easing his hidden dagger between the ribs of the One King Chosen to die.

=================================

Beyond Auhr, He was reborn.
Far away from those who would use his Good for all the wrong reasons.