Will it burn me up?
This extraordinary love?
I let my self go

longing for atonement
looks like
an enormous black hole
like a huge purple blue bruise
or gaping open
burgundy magenta wound
it seems to swallow everything
that comes near it
this black pit of death
love is not here
go further down
and you will find it
though you may **** yourself first
love rests elsewhere
turn from this negative pull of energy
this is not light
but what light exposes as false light
the light I am
snuffs out all the darkness they sense
they can’t hide from it
and so they want to throw it
onto what I am
making the darkness about what I am
rather than about themselves
being attracted to the darkness
the day has arrived
I no longer shield darkness
I can only devour it

From deep within this heart
that beats with only love for Mother
and Mother’s all-consuming love,
a raging flame burns silently,
extinguishing all that is not pure
and leaving only grace.
All the pain
of the thoughts we are
is burning in stillness and peace;
gifting us our true and only Self
in the most magnificent release.
Any lingering traces and
all the hidden trails
of our countless, misunderstood lives,
the concepts and ideas, the misdirected,
algorithmic orders of our minds:
Burn it all to ashless vapor
in the ***** of the unrelative,
non-dual and unperceived Truth
of The Mother’s endless pyre.

Shall I make markings about the past;
dwell in a haze of memories;
piece together a fading dream,
to say NOW I can live today
as more real than yesterday?

Doesn’t it all feel more real
if I remain right here;
see what IS, right here
in front of THIS me?

The other is not what is,
and only made to seem real
with the programs
and functions of mind’s eye.

Programs. Am I a walking
and breathing program?
Oh Mother! When
do I get to be a real, live girl?

Even Snakes have compassion
their poison isn’t just for fashion

When we go, Gods make it a fast one

Your poison paralyzed me
Gaia granted serenity

thankful for you milking me
who knew it would set us free
gone the girl I thought I wanted to be

Now I start new, again.

It happens
Feeling yourself growing distant
from who you are day by day
losing interest in the things
you love.
Allowing your blanket to
swallows you whole disappearing
I just into the darkness of a growing pain.
Questioning who you really are and what this is
not knowing for how long it’s been,
You’ve been looking for the moments
where you once felt bliss but, your
Memory cease to exist.
Losing focus on the prize
blaming others for your pride
consistently wanting to cry,
feeling as if you’re outside of yourself
floating in a world you were once apart of.
Numbness starts to kick in
not having control of anything anymore,
highs and lows hit intensely then
ever before.
All you want to do is hide these feelings
hoping for it to go away
You could build up walls that
will temporarily stay but,
it’s just like a band-aid that can’t
cure the pain.
So hold on tight to this emotional roller coaster
we have a lot of growth to gain
Only god know how long it will take for
Us to recover from this
Growing pain.

A mind full of patterns
In every which way.
Crawling,
Scrawling,
And cycling
On my walls.
Waves of colors burst
And I forget myself.
Fly into my spiritual dimension
And ascend.
Then it ends.
And I feel some clarity
And comfort
Wash over me.

It’s a Perfect Day to Die
Can’t tell ground from sky.
A mist of cold cruelty breathes
Foul and unforgiving in my face.
And I feel peace,
Sad. Peace. Surrender
Sad for what could have been
Sad for gifts carelessly squandered
Like a child with too many toys
Sad for the legacy that should have been.
For the casualties I have left
In my wake of selfish insanity.
Sad to be stuck in this skin I can’t shake,
But perhaps I can break,
In a million pieces, so it is unrecognizable
From the whole it was
And a new whole becomes
With new gifts and opportunities
To appreciate, and cherish
And hold tightly this time
Surrounded by souls
That surrounded me here
In a circle of love and forgiveness
And second chance
It’s a Perfect Day to Die.