i’ve always been flawed
and when your perfect eyes
scan my bruised body,
all you’re ever going to see
is a crooked man that’s me.

i doubt. i commit.
i doubt. i commit.

i still doubt
for i am a crook.

What will I do if all the time I’ve spent trying to fix myself doesn’t work out
I don’t really know what’s wrong with me
I’m in therapy
I started taking medication too
I’m worried that I’m wrong about how I feel
What if the thing I’m dealing with is much bigger
For half a year I’ve questioned myself
I thought I figured it all out
But there is doubt in the back of my mind
I don’t know if I’ll ever feel alright

There is nothing I can do
I don’t want to make any wrong moves
What if I’m wrong about all of this
And I make mistakes that are permanent
I just want to feel okay
And not want to die everyday
How do you sort through your thoughts
And figure out why you feel so stuck
On top of all this
I can’t cry anymore
It’s been a while since I’ve been able to
I wish everyday that I’ll reach my breaking point
Just to feel alive again
Finding joy in imaginary things
Feeling hurt by all the things I’m missing

They said it was just a summer romance
They said that it was an off-brand love
They said that we didn't even have a chance
But I knew that what we had was something so much more
I knew in the way your hand fit mine like a glove
They said that when the summer ended so would we
That we'd be better off if we set each other free
But I knew it was real I was absolutely sure
But you let their words cause you to doubt
You let their lies creep into your mind
And when doing so you left our love behind
We could've made it if only you would've fought for me
But instead, you let your mind wander too far and got lost at sea
They said I'd be okay and I'd move on soon
but they didn't know how it felt when we kissed beneath the moon
If only you would not have questioned what I knew for sure
maybe we could have it all and even a little bit more.
Still, to this day my heart belongs to you
I wonder if yours is still mine too

to dream so heavy weight of it all slumps into icepick pains that Chill your bones and
Ache like river water
From the north.

Frost-laden blue lips forget
           to           breathe

winter birthed within: feel your body slow
and no longer grow the hope sprouts
of tomorrow

So goodbye to hair flyways lightening bugs and
running through the brush:
Seasons change like shedding of cicadas
off trees.

Ask yourself why you doubt,
Why you fear and cast about.
You are heading the right way,
Who cares what others say?
You have no concerns to allay.

What will be will be,
All wisdoms do agree;
Like a lion and a roar,
A soldier in a war,
You will do what you are made for.

“I am not afraid; I was born to do this”,
Your actions are not remiss,
Nor for nothing,
But for everything:
A singular meaning.

Write, and do it well,
And love until your death knell.
Mind your well-being,
Bitterness is unbecoming,
The world is on the upswing.

Who am I?
What am I?
Why am I here?
To grace this earth,

My existence feels useless,
Hang my head in the noose,

I am everything and nothing,
All at once yet not at all,
I teeter on the brink of madness,
Waiting to witness my fall,

I am a waterfall of sorrow,
Endlessly flowing,
Through my blood,
Sweat,
Tears,
and *****,

Recycling emotions,
In this vessel,
Hollow with feeling,

Feeling alone,
Yet alone I am not,

Universe embrace me,
Place me in your thoughts.

Leather straps pulling
me tighter
constricting my breath.
I pull myself into
the thick gravitation
of what they think it
means to live.
Countless experiences pass
where I question
the sanity
which bestows my heart, the wisdom
of my soul.
The mind drowns out
the true inner knowing
"No more", I softly declare
in a calm soft whisper.
I cut through confusion of
the dizzying self-doubt.
Gracious servitude naturally
here, allowing myself
the space to be.

A container with infinite capabilities
Holding
Memories
Holds
Possibilities
Contains concern, doubt, mistrust
Isolation

The emptiness is full
Filled with shapes
Things indescribable
Trapped within
No escape
No
Escape

Contain, hold, isolate
Same meaning, different capabilities
Choose the container’s purpose
Close it with a thought
Open it
To unveil your next path