They say pain is better than feeling nothing,
But nothing feels worse than pain.
She was just an innocent woman,
All that changed in a day,
Her husband came home upset.
They argued and he slapped her face to the floor.
She was left in shock,
started packing her things and out the door
He gained a level head, apologizing evermore.
She started making excuses and stayed
But if it ever happened again she swore,
She wouldn't live there anymore.

It's been years since that first time,
Just a couple bruises no one sees,
She keeps messing everything up,
So she deserves what she received.
A couple shots to her ribs,
A tight jab just above the knee.
Even if she wanted to go,
He says, he can always find me
"And I'm happy sometimes,
As long as I do everything perfectly"
But if she ever had a chance she swore,
She wouldn't live there anymore.

She wakes up early just to put on her face,
Staring into a mirror, breaking down with the shakes.
She can't count the bruises, the pain in every place.
Everyone knows the truth but, it seems too late.
She needs help but everywhere is out of reach,
She's broken down with a split lip affecting her speech.
Someday she would speak out, right then, she swore
She wouldn't live there anymore.

Then one night he went too far,
She was packing up her things,
He saw crimson, blood boiled to the core
She started pleading with every shot he bore.
They say pain is better than feeling nothing
But nothing feels worse than pain, she's sure.
As he took a final blow, she wasn't living anymore.

Love, what have you become?
In broomsticks and cupboards and pantries,
On the dust-covered stairs,
In the breathless rush of faucet water,
On the crumpled lampshade at night,
Love is the summation of an individual’s life alone,
Somehow still expressed by two across the bridge of language failing.

The night sky is blue.
Amaranthine - endless
The mosaic trail left upon my satin skin.
The tinge caressing my eyes,
Which have seen
The devil himself
And yet dare not expose the azure brutality
Enveloped in your venomous cradle.

The waves are blue.
An exhausting struggle I brave
Cyclically
Desperate to subsist
As you seek to drag me
Cascading
To the ocean floor -
Where I embrace my demise at your hands.

Blood flows blue
Yet pours red.
The colour you see each time I dare to pursue escape.
The colour you see
If I am to take too long in the bathroom.
If I am to have a quiet word with my friends
Without your contiguity
Looming like a cloud
Blue
Threatening a downpour congruent with my tears
As I beg them to liberate me
Yet say no such thing.

The lights projected from the ambulance
Pleading with traffic to manufacture a path
As I lay
Helpless.
Blue.
Broken ribs and a broken heart.
Not the first assault and victim to more than yourself
But my forgiving nature
Assures that this is not the final beating.
As my skull is glued and the morphine streams through my veins
And the boys in
Blue
Delicately ask
“Did he do this, again?”
I nod,
Though the officer shakes his head,
His pen moving freely of his hand,
He acknowledges that tonight he will return to his wife,
He will have his meal and pray that his daughter is spared.
And I will return,
To the lair of the beast.

My eyes swollen.
My body imitating scaffolding; bones and skin housing the weary soul.
My hands shake as they struggle to grasp reality.
My cheeks stained by the violent, sempiternal flow of tears.
My ribs, forbidden from healing prior to the next wave of brutality,
Stood at an angle god himself could not manufacture.
My voice weak, desperate, pleading;
Determined.
I beg no one to liberate me.
I, myself, choose to betray your corruption.
I tell my story, though it is not a tragedy.
I showcase, unforgiving - as you were,
The ‘love’ you enforced upon me.
The bloodthirsty way your soul adored mine.
The months of seemingly incalculable assault
Starvation
Emotional torture
****
The autonomy you stole from me.
I want it back.
Instead it lies, at the bottom of your cobalt ocean.
Wrecked and never to be recovered.
Even in exposing you, and hand-delivering my message to you,
That you lost.
I do not regain the life you mercilessly devoured.

Instead,
I must rebuild my own life.
Despite and in spite of you.
Though the blue I once knew was bruised and afraid.
The Sapphire I learn is of unwavering strength, kindness
And peace.
I forgive you,
Though I hope to God that you rot in a place where blue
Seems inviting.

Let’s start this with some counting
One, two, Three
One, two, Three
One, two, Three
Three
One in three girls
In this room will
Suffer at the hands
Of the one who swears
They love you
The one who swears
They’ll never hurt you
Again
But it happens
Again
And
Again
And
Again
And
Again

Again
We pretend
It only
Happens to us
Let's do some more counting
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
Four
One in four of you boys
Will be affected
By the words she said
By the cuts and bruises
She caused
You have no clue
How they happened
Because it's embarrassing
To admit you got your ***
Kicked by a girl
Only due to the fact
You refuse to
Hit her back
Because you respect

More counting
One, two, Three
One, two, Three
One, two, Three
Three
Three
Three
Three women will have died today
From Domestic Violence
It's such a strange paradox
Domestic is calm and tame
Violence is a force that is intended to
hurt, damage, or ****
And from where I
Stand there is
Nothing- Nothing
Domestic about Violence

Knowing these Facts
It makes me afraid
I am afraid
to be a
Lover
To be a
Mother
Because when I look at my past

When I look at my past
I am afraid it will repeat
I am afraid
I’ll choose a man
Who beats me with an aluminum baseball bat
Like my own mother did

When I look at my past
I am afraid it will repeat
I am afraid
A man will choose me
And I’ll abuse him with my words
And he’ll take it
Like my father does

When I look at my past
I am terrified it will repeat
I am terrified
My children will
look for an escape
Like the five million children do
Like I do