I have work to do
I have people to see
My rooms a mess
My shows on TV

I have to leave
I have to leave

I'm just so sorry

Just breathe
Just breathe

Hold me a little tighter
Love me a little longer
Plan for me
Care for me
Protect me

Maybe then, I won't be so b-b-b...

Pursuing distraction
Within good hands
Focus a fraction
Unspoken, understands.
Thoughts weigh heavy,
Shake it off.
Eyes caught steady,
Take it off.

Have you ever seen the pain?
Knees cut up from the worn tar,
yet not a soul for miles.
Heart in my hands,
watch it beat, it's drenched in rain.
Blood travels, aches as I see,
see the cavity living inside.

Have you ever seen the pain?
love would be warm, but yet i'm alone.
destined to a life of failure.
destined to be a disappointment.
Squeeze the heart, it's tougher than you think
but watch my blood travel thick.
It's hard to tell what I feel,
each beat brings me closer to death
every drop of rain clears the heart,
and every scar is revelead.
How am I alive?

Have you ever seen the pain?
betwixt my palms, do you see the pain?
Panic grows, stuff it back in,
the cavity must be filled.
Even if I feel nothing at all,
it'll only infect me again.

Sometimes I am aware
of the bird's music,
but often I forget.
Some unconscious piece
of me
sets it aside in favor
of the roar of engines, and the screams of circuitry.
But I am happiest with
the sound of waves;
Earth's primordial wail of infancy.
And here, now,
I remember.

Everybody can talk but no one can listen,
Misunderstanding is what put us in this position,
And fighting lead us to this condition.
Take a step back and look at what we are doing,
Think about what we are pursuing..
Is it going to be worth what it draws out,
I have reasons to believe my doubt.
The world is cursed and so are we,
Danger, the TV blinds us from trying to see.
Newest generation is out of control,
And the oldest have lost their soul.
Body counts and crime is getting higher,
With hate and evil being the main supplier.
The days are colder and the nights bring a chill,
So much has happened it doesn't feel real.
It's not safe to leave your house even for kids to get education,
It's not safe to be at home for fear of home invasion.
This world is in need of healing,
It's getting worse and I can't shake this feeling,
Sometimes I wonder how I am even dealing.
Candlelights and grief,
I'm just in disbelief.
I can't believe this is what we've come to,
Praying for peace for what we go through.
Our loved ones being our drive,
For just trying to survive.

When is a fleeting stray thought
a senseless fool's distraction?
And when is my sudden idea
a true sage-like inspiration?
No weight of long experience
No number of tried and tested
No diet of **** it and sees
seem to give me true wisdom.

Paper. Pen.
    Let's write out our feelings.
    "I'm having a rough time."
Cell phone
Online recipes.
    I should cook that soon.
Hotel websites.
    Free breakfast? Eh I'm vegan now so just fruit.
    Swimming pool? I'm sure it'll be busy
    Fitness center. Leo wants to run in the morning.
    Booked. Could be a good night.
Paper. Pen.
    Right. Writing.
    "I can tell journaling is helpful
    because I'm resistant to doing it."
Text messages.
    Leo thinks they were too mean to me.
    I think I deserve it.
    I love you.
Paper. Pen.
    Hm. I should write some poetry.
Photos.
    Wow look at how my face has changed, let's make a collage.
    Oo what else.
    Body pictures.
    Pre-surgery picture.
    Damm I've really sculpted up.
    Reconsiders feeling gross physically.
    Arguable.
Paper. Pen.
    How easy it is to ignore you.
    How easy it is to ignore myself
    And not listen to my feelings.

I don't care
if I burn
my brain out.

Even if
the pain comes
blaring in,
I’ll just block it out again
with slick distractions,
with the sick actions
of stimulant satisfaction.

Till, the fog
comes rolling back in,
leaving me drowning
in the sea of feelings
that requires
something stronger
to light the fire
that turns
the memories it burns
into ashes.

My only distraction
From impermanence