Doubting this is it,
The panic starts to set in.
It’s starting again...
Is this my forever?
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On the water
I find peace
In the air
I find zen
Driving and walking ruins
My moom

As i set on this boat
I meditate
Under the sun

What was I thinking about.

This smile
Tired
Though not forced
Is a sign that the
Day is good
That or she is thinking
Of her lover.

Poker face or brave face
We will never know but
Sufferers like
Yours truly
Force to smile and laugh
At a drop of a hat
Like a dancing bear in
Russia.

What the hell
A flower growing in
The middle of the room
If a flower can grown in a building
Then positive can happen.

When I hear the news of the
Day
I just want to throw down
Smack down
And attack these bad guys
Who make life
A rotten apple.

I feel numb inside
No emotions or pain
Just a cocky smirk on my face
Who wants to start it up
For I am used to a fight.

There is such a thing as flashbacks
There is such a thing as nightmares
There are such a thing as ptsd
Take of your snowflake
Rosesy colored glasses
And look around
See them baoding?
They are there for a reason.

I want to know what people see,
I'll never see myself clearly.
My brain changes and contorts my body,
I'll
**** in my stomach till I can't breathe,
Nothing but high waisted skinny jeans,
No tight shirts, dresses, or bikinis.

I'm
too wide in the waist
too broad in the shoulders
too chubby in the fingers
too full in the cheeks

And
I'll never see what people see
I'll never see what makes me, me.

we run through life's tunnel--
terrified,
walls covered in mirrors,
our reflections always on display
for the passersby.

a straight path,
reminding us of our imperfect
reflections,
until we reach the end--
glass hitting us right in the face.

that's all we see at the end--
ourselves,
and all the people we wished we could be,
replacing our reflection.

in reflections, what we see
is never what we want to be.