you are a diamond and there is a speck of eyeliner winged out and smudged on your cheekbone.
even diamonds have flaws.

we are driving down a narrow highway onto a bridge and you snort when you laugh. i'm dreaming because i don't think real life has an 8mm film reel collecting all the times we felt like we were flying. when we felt like we were in a movie and we were heroes. we were royalty and when you smile, it feels like heaven. it feels like all the gold in the world has been poured into my veins, it feels like good drugs and good friends and a good life.

i have sunglasses on my face and a thin tan line on my shoulder blade and your freckles dot your eyes more than any alphabet, a play on words, witty banter, your solid, subtle smile with parentheses near your cheeks.

when i think of you, i think of cherry chapstick, a whole pizza to ourselves, and your glasses. i think of hope and fate and destiny and love, not the kind of love we hear thrown around during friday night football, but the kind of love that doesn't burn out. the kind of love that resembles crystal and fun times and the things that quiet poets write about after they drink ***** for the first time. the love that keeps its infinities hidden under its sleeves, like the pen ink on your arms under your sweater.

i think of flowers and cigarettes and laughing and smoking and crossing everything off of our bucket lists, running to little rivers and giving new life to old constellations, telling prophets our stories; we became royalty, we became the night that our friends dreamed of.

Of all the people I've come across, I find myself to be the least deserving of any.  I can put put my heart on a sleeve to lure you in and then sntach your own heart right out from under you.  I have no idea why I do this but it is time for it to stop.

I just met this gal a month and a half back.  She is so ******' cool, it was hard not to share every moment that she turned to look into my eyes.  I just don't think I am ready.  She could do it, though.  Definitely a possibility.

She is thin and masculine looking at the same time.  She just might have the most perfect looking face I have ever seen.  Symmetrical to a T, perfect.  She has a girl next door look without the innocence.  Just enough sculpting to her jaw and chin, her points are obvious and rounded just enough so as not to be pointy.  Her cheek bones are not highly pronounced, she's not too cute looking.  There is a balance of wisdom and playfulness in her eyes.  She has class, high class, in my opinion.

She did a little stretch at the end of the night, I paid no attention.  God how I wanted to look, I knew better, now is not the time to look.  Now is the time to appear interesting and interested on a platonic level.  The class, the friends, all of it.  She came to sit with me, I was in heaven for a few hours tonight.  I could easily allow myself to want someone again.  How powerful is that?

I could be on the road to recovery.

I held a key once,
It was beautifully golden,
With diamonds encased in its body,
The mere sight caused thoughts I’d stole it.

I spent an eternity searching,
For the one lock it fits,
But after countless attempts,
--I began to question it.

Will I ever find my match?
Does one truly exist?
Have I been blindly mistaken?
And my mate is opposite of what I think it is?

And then we meshed our stars and diamonds
Standing in the acid rain
The universe swirling down the drain
And our hair was all in strings
Wet from the darkness and the cold and the ice forming
And I'm not crying, not crying, no
My face is just wet with tears.

You said the right things
You flattered and charmed
Convinced and promised
Until I was disarmed

Your words were golden
They sparkled and shined
They shined so brightly
I must have gone blind

I invested myself
In the words you sold
But all that glitters
Is not gold

I've always heard
That talk is cheap
Well my words are diamonds
And yours are free

You don't mean what you say
You don't do what you mean
Your words are free
But they're costing me

To count all the stars within our skies
Would be to name every sand grain alive
To pick apart the world, stare into your eyes
Manage not falling over in awe; survive
One compared to a runway of jewels
How contend, when diamonds fall at your feet
Standing, admiring, with all your fools
Reaching to grab hold of your beauty's fleet
Numbering the days to when you are mine
In gain of knowledge to where you reside
Wishing on our stars who understand time
Attempts to be everything for you, cried
Moon and darkness know my worth; relentless
My heart is yours to hold; defenseless

Milky way around me
stars, sun, planets, the moon
interstellar, interplanetary
orbits, i commune

The heavens surround me
galaxies, constellations, nebulae
across my cosmic journey
for revolutions i'll stay

The cosmos envelope me
dark stars, black holes, supernova
flames in my tail I see
celestial brightness of my strata

Heavenly bodies you and me
falling star, giant star, dwarf star
my love is quasar-like energy
a bolide of us is not far

Astronomical intensity
alpha centauri,sirius, achernar
encompasses their enormity
unlike pulsars, we are shooting stars

Devotion was  a moment
When I loved you for existing,
For breath and sleep and talk.

It exists, still.
Somewhere deep away from you,
Or it will revive and burn
Just watching you sit.