there are things
i can't do anymore
i've been doing all those things
a lot lately

just can't stop
every night the songs are played
i've had enough but i would just
have to do nothing or do something else

i'de like to be more descript
but every night
i inhale something lit
and scott gimple just knows
he is a better writer than Robert Kirkman
every time he kills off the main character,
the most integral part of the story,
the whole reason for the story in the first place

The first time I laid
my eyes on you,
a voice echoed, not too far
yet not too close,
suddenly it was blinding,
warm light,
as cliche as it sounds,
yes..., I blinked
and thought I saw wings,
and then I realized,
that devils could fly too.

You’d think that demons and devils don’t exist
And that humans, once passed, would lay asleep
You can come to my office and see for yourself
But, my patients love visitors that they can keep
I don’t want to alarm you, but it is true
These patients crave souls, not pills
I can’t get them to swallow chemicals in oblongs
They can’t be satisfied with just prescription refills
You might think I’m doing honorable work
Maybe not, but at least I can deal with them
So you don’t have to,
That sort of behavior, I always condemn
Who were you wanting to visit again?
Oh, I forgot, you were the one with symptoms.

Forgive me...
I have "spoken wrong" again, been unjust with my words
Forgive me...
I have been eccentric, I haven't followed your personal ideals
Forgive me...
I am on a path to the other side, I am drinking
this "poison" down, it will be my own "undoing"
Forgive me...
Somehow these activities have been the grease
which lubricate the "devils wheels"
Forgive me...
I am underneath all "normalcy," I have seen things
that the children "should not ever see"
Forgive me...
There is a path I have tread upon that bares your mark,
I didn't see the mark before hand but "knew better"
Forgive me...
You are the one! You will show me the way, I am yours
to ****** upon all knowledge both right and wrong
Forgive me...
I will always be in your shadow, I am poor but still
I have "spoiled myself" with work that is lesser

~You will never say two simple words,
they are beyond your comprehension~

~You the "mature," "wise" old one with years of
learning and "pure" precision~

~I am always in your debt, you never need me,
I alone make the untrusted decision~

The two words you would never say are simple:

*~I'm Sorry~

I used to believe in karma and pray to a greater power above.

Then I realized horrendous things happen to the most
beautiful people and the cruel truth about love.

the only angels and demons that exist, are the ones
created within ourself.

I don't need a savior
because I saved myself.

They look at me with pointed sharp eyes,
Tell me it's all in my mind, I must be blind,
I look at the bedroom wall and there is nothing,
Yet my mind every moment is filled with so much activity.
I see this world around me spinning but slowly,
This whole social mirage keeps on changing,
Except when I'm drifting at night at my home,
Good or bad, right or wrong, but never once when
I was alone, was I ever TRULY alone.
They followed me this way and that through
The streets, called to me, scold me or made me laugh,
Vague clay statuesque devils or angels, I could not say,
But in the end you tell me it's all in my mind
When the night becomes day.

You and me, dreams fake, but all in all it's what is the take,
You and me, plain as can be, but we're having fun falling asleep,
Face first into the cake.
You and me, our hopes so free, but we're still stuck where we will
Always be.

So what is real? What is fake? It seems to you there's much at stake,
In daring to dream, daring to fly! Why not just grow old fast,
Whither and die?
So why my grin, why your frown? Could it be that your
Hatred has gotten You down?

It will be a long walk home, trailing turning, all alone,
Over my shoulder I hear your scorn, every day until I'm forlorn.
Every turn I feel their eyes, they never leave, yet it's always been,
Always will be that I'm blind, YOU WIN like you always would,
It's got to be *it's all in my mind...

The always-patient man had no longer a capacity to accept, his fists thwacking the gates of hell. He needed in. The icy hinged barrier crushed his knuckles, and the splintering molecules of frozen corpses, which hedged this entrance, fell in fine dust. Their eyes, the only warm flesh within the dead gatekeepers, begged him to back away. It only let him know, he, this man that was once so ever patient, belonged inside. Not wishing to give up, he struck, and struck the cryptic divide screaming, “Devils take me!”  You see, at the moment of his death, the gates of heaven opened up to him, and he being the ever most patient man, his soul rushed into the great light of empyrean. Yet when there, he could not see what he had expected, there was no wondrous feeling of euphoria. Nothing was there to give him that high, he had ignored himself so long, upon that dreaded earth, before his sobriety and solvency to God. That always-patient man had expectations of those feelings, which he felt criminal, and denied himself so long. Yet they were not there, in this heaven he imagined. This soul, that for so long had been a patient man, who had so piously paid his debts, had an epiphany. He was feeling gypped. So his soul swooped to hell. Not looking back he heard the gates of heaven slam. After this the man, patient no more begged Beelzebub, from chained and locked realm, “Satan, give me what I deserve! Stick your stake in me. Give me your pleasured poison!”  Then God and Lucifer appeared to him and morphed into one being. The whirlwind of good and evil they became said, “Life is strife or happiness, you choose. There is nothing here for you.” Suddenly incarnated again, into newborn gasping first breath, his mind went blank, but with an evolved spirit inhaled.

© PJ Poesy
01.09.2014