You were always loving me "despite"
I needed you to love me "because"

despite
a corrupt system
despite
a corrupt society
despite
being controlled by the media
despite
our lack of questioning
our lack of creativity
our lack of thought
despite
our lives
we live them like sheep
content with what we have
and terrified of change

despite
the people we have become
we cannot overthrow those who have
controlled us for so long
we are so unused to
thinking for ourselves
that no one is able
to rule their minds

a reset button would be handy
but we will continue to make the same mistakes
over and over again
do not be content with what you have
always strive for more
question everything
your life will become
immensely more difficult
but at least you are learning
at least you are forming your own thoughts

the pack system is great for survival
but we no longer need to rely on each other
it is not a matter of life and death to think
relieve yourself of the pack mindset
and set your thoughts free
you have constricted them for so long
they no longer know how to function properly

in my use of words
i hope that someone will stop and listen
despite the crazy, almost radical mindset
that is portrayed as terrifyingly dangerous to society
i am but a child
with thoughts still roaming free

The minutes tick down to a new year...
But so many lies and problems I know I'll hear...

So before 2017 ends... There is something I need to say everyone I know...

Despite all the times you may have lied and betrayed to me...
Despite all the times you may have tore me away from my friends and family...
Despite all the times you may have believed your sin would always be hidden
Despite all the times you may have said trust was fore bidden
Despite all the times you may have inflicted damage or harm
Despite all the times you may have accused me of alarm
Despite all the times you may have insulted me and pushed me aside
Despite all the times you may have ignored my words, and allowed my love to go dry
Despite the times you may have yelled and screamed to my face
Despite the anger you may feel towards me, and the bitterness you incase

and lastly... Despite Everything Single Thing You Have Done Wrong...

I Still Love You And Will Always Forgive You...

Despite and Regardless...

I want to hold on to you,
even if it burns me.
I want to be next to you,
despite how you've hurt me.

I wish I knew how to feel ten times bigger than myself
but I get so lost in the swarm that is me, that is inside of me
this being and entity that I am sometimes too out of touch with
and sometimes I can't separate myself from
I need to feel you, I need to feel that you feel me and I need to know that you see me
but I can't even see myself
can't even fix myself

I get so lost in the sadness that comes from constant failure and I lose touch with all the love that surrounds me
animals who loves me, the man who loves me

I want a man who tells me he needs his girl
you always need your girl
I love you so much
I love you so much for wanting me
I feel like you love me despite of who I am, how I am, who I am, how I am....
what separates my actions from who I am as a person, as a partner?

I may forget everything else, but I will never forget my love for you
I will never forget the pain that comes from just the thought of losing you
I want this to work, I want to work, I want to make this work
I can't' lose myself, but I myself am lost
I can't lose this, I can't lose you
what am I to do?
Where will we be in ten years time, will we love each other still or will our frustrations stopped our hearts from feeling the love despite what we are together?
I want you to love me for who I am, I need you to love me for who I am
not despite who I am...
I need to love me for who I am
not despite who I am