April 15, 2015

Everything looks better from a distance.

From far away we’re fearless
and free from resistance.
Sweaty browed exhaustion,
Looks cool in the breeze.

Palm trees planted in my heart.
A paradisiacal coconut guillotine.

Wistful eyes turning counterfeits into truth,
Colorblind, grey water becomes blue.  
Soul screams mirage,
But the animal’s craving magic.

Postcards painted, stamped and sealed
The mind reflects ideals.
Everything shines with excitement,
when you're drunk on possibility.

Pitiful fracas.
I am not one with ‘us.’
Boring, so boring, you are?
Leave the energy, soon it will be far.
Fake! Pleasant speech, ridiculing
grandeur coming from a storm brewing.
She can’t be dead!
She can’t be dead!
I hear her in my walks as if they’re dreams,
spiteful heroism coming from rung out themes.

Is she, actually a moment,
or is she
something more tangible.
A lifetime in a pocket,
a watch ticking.
Ticking. Ticking.
Why have I become so weak?
I give into nothing,
or am I just the way she wanted?

She has become so possessive,
just as all that is obsessive,
began to fade away.
Starting a few months after May,
a few thoughts began to dwindle,
but to me, that was only a riddle.
Is she behind the curtain,
they are all but certain.
They miss her, I’m sure,
but to me, death is pure.

I am weak.
So very weak.
She judges the moments.
As i am judged by, not myself,
but by the angels above.
She speaks the language of despair.
Death.
Death to the angels.
Leave me be.
Leave me be.

The heart wants what it wants right?
Well....the heart is an involuntary muscle working non stop without you even thinking about it. So therefore whatever the heart wants is not logically thought out and does not align with with reality. Your desire could be a fabrication and is pushed aside behind everything else that happens in the universe that actually matters and has significance. What the heart wants is not what you need and although it may feel as if you might die without it...you will live. Pain is nothing but the mind sending signals telling you to stop doing what is causing said pain. So stop chasing figments of your imagination.

it is always nights like this, where everything is so quiet you can hear beneath the absolute threshold, when i begin to wonder if i am going mad. technically, if one were truly losing their mind, they wouldn’t take much notice to the clarification that their reality is nothing but intricate lies spun by their brain.

pushing onwards within the dark, i can feel it. a whisper of a dance in memory slices gracefully across my cheek. the hungry caress of a lost lover. it is a random number between three and four, counting the days of sleepless solitude; as my lover is playing tricks on me.

it is just before dawn. the house breathes and groans like a wretched soul trapped in a bottomless pit long before midnight. in the gray morning light, delicate wrists stained with ink serve as maps through a desolate labyrinth. “lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch’entrate.”

from the corner of my eye i see shadows of uncharted men that feed upon the protective covering, encasing us; separating our world from theirs. the barrier is a shield at best, yet doorway at worst.

try to detach your eyes from their persistent, wandering gaze; and you might just catch a glimpse of a shadow gliding out of sight.

don’t second guess yourself sweetheart, you know exactly what you saw.

shadowy figures slightly out of reach, but still quite visible – gliding silently amidst, whispering quietly to those surrounding. looking directly at the figures, a gauzy lace veil delicately masks and covers each shadow.

unseen claws shred the thin barrier before it is tattered and torn. one by one, little by little, each figure sharpens into perfect visual acuity, wholly in sigh(t). as you slowly inch back, eyes unblinking with disbelief, their voices are no longer whispers.

the gaping pits of opened mouths drown you in hollow prattles, screeching rasps; the cruel high pitched icy sneers of laughter.

petrified with terror and shock at the shadow’s newfound ability to speak, you acutely notice that the house is creaking and wheezing. you can hear footsteps on the opposite side of the house, and with your eyes averted, they are gone.

with this, you must take into consideration that i have spent far too long with eyes wide shut, drowning in utter fear fueled by morbid curiosity for this world: things seen and heard. each is a cancerous tumor mutilating my mind beyond repair.

to me, the shadow figures’ tattered veil appears to be a doorway, a portal to another universe. this sheer possibility spawns the magnitude of infinite and parallel universes.
much like the shifting hallways concealed in an e(in)ternal labyrinth.

amidst this never ending maze, man is forced to wander blindly from birth to death; where he then circles back around to his exact place of previous conception, only to be born anew. condemned to blindly roam and repeat his unbroken cycle for all eternity.

in this labyrinth we are all gods, we are all monsters. each creation story is universal, yet individual to each new life.

the sinner and the saint are both born into divinity.

I patiently catastrophize
the boisterous morning that will follow.
A day, like today, mourning, in a tentative morning.
I knew they were there, but,
how much can they deny me sensation before they
clamor and destroy what is left inside?
An ego idealized by the being of passion.
Driven, to a harrowing morning.
Mourning.
Polish the idea that this is safe,
that this is meant to be.
Crumble into insanity at night.
Mourn the morning afterwards.
This is existence?
A mind incapable of compartmentalization.

Bored on the internet, so see what I find.
I'm taken back to that moment in the past
When I met the droop-eyed star and starlet.
Look what Twitter has. Their pale face framed
and recreated, pixel perfect, inundated.
Talking in circles.
Talking highly of
Your self --
Like you're above the tower seat of power,
In the clouds. You're a mental case. How
you gonna love yourself so much?

Who does he think he is
Exposing my fear
A fear I didn't know I had
To be alone
Yet deeply in love
I hate how talking to you
Brought it out
Being with you
Leaks out the fear
I don't want to lose you
You tell me I won't
I believe you
Because I love you
I really love you
Don't let my fear come true
Living without you
And still in love with you

Once there was a world bound in annihilation and pure chaotic evil. Where everyone is hunted every night they close their threatened eyes. And by means of evil, it's not that ****** imagery on your mind. It's the heart of yours located from the inside. Hearts were prized preciously than sparkling diamonds. This is a certain generation, you can survive without a heart. I wasn't aware for I'm a fragile youth living in the hearth of the city. I am the center, and I am the middle of the good and wicked. But I got aware, got involved, got informed, because of him. Him who mauled, shattered the innocent life of mine. Now I know that I had entered the world of reality. I lost my heart. Losing it was like breathing in space, unable to sense anything. You can only avail the mind that controls everything. It's hard to manage this realm of truth. I went to the doctors to engrave my ruined heart. After that replacement, I recalled the pain he gave me. It felt like we're oceans apart. That day was the day I can see colors despite all of the darkness around. I cherished the moment when I heard its beating sound. One life down.

But, one random nocturnal slumber, something crashing interrupted my dream. I wasn't awake nor conscious, only shuddering black themed ruled my delusion. Then, endless reticence spoke for a minute, I was shocked in confusion. It sounded like scurrying feet of rodents. Surprisingly, I'm all out of emotions. Numbed as a frost, lifeless as a wind. I dared to subject my eyes my eyes to the occurrence. Nothing. Just the obfuscated glow of my surroundings and the lazy stare of the moon. I smiled, but nothing stirred on me. There's no presence of energy as if I'm a drained battery. I knew there was a thief that stole my heart. My grandma said, "Someday, a man will teach you to trust people even though they make a fool out of you." I put faith on her sentence. Knowing there would be someone out there who will protect me from dangerous harm in his loving arm. So, I planted another heart on my chest. Two lives down.

Walking down on life's sorrowful trail was perfidious, but hey, since I found him, we were bewitched. Bewitched on each other's kindness. He fulfilled my grandma's prophecy. It's over. No more dreaming. Because the dream I dreamed is no longer dimmed. We were dancing in the white light of peace. As I glided onto him, something sharp and metal plunges in my back, more like an intenional jab. He betrayed me..Hoots of laughter trapped my ears forcing me to run. I'm such a loser. I lost three lives in total. There's no way I'm getting them back. Knowledge took place; emotions abandoned me.

And maybe that's the reason I am standing here on my grandma's funeral without feeling such grieve nor pain. All I have is her and she's gone. If I can just close me eyes, so nothing will matter anymore. Except me and her. No more lightning nor thunder. Only a butterfly and a flower. The dull sky was carrying tears. The only thing that I hold is her prophecy. And I'm about to let it go. Before I say the word 'goodbye', the rain drops in trickling pain. And suddenly, you came. You covered me on your feathers. I was cold, while you were warm. You're in white, while I was in black. You were smiling, while I was frowning. See, physically we're already opposite. But, I wasn't expecting we're going to be the same emotionally. Ever since I met you, I had my perfect reason to live.

I may not feel you, but I can't stop thinking about you. I may not laugh on your funny jokes, yet it's always my desire to giggle at them. I may not cry with you everytime you're sad, but I'm here to shelter you. I may, I may, obey whatever you say since the day you came the world isn't a game. Instead, it's a dark chocolate with me as your surprise center. This question popped when were stargazing. "Can I keep you?" I wanted to say yes so badly, but I don't want to hurt you so badly too. I remember that I can't love. I'd rather die than to wound your last heart. The last heart you've risked for you to love me. So I told you everything that separated us. This timing and the world against us. You just grinned, "No need. I have the solution." I was startled. My mind was oozing impossibilities. You offered a small box with an enigmatic object. I opened it quickly and saw it. They're not diamonds. It's the half of your heart. You spoke, "So you can feel again." You are surely the one. You're the prophecy. As you did the honors to put it on me, I stared at you. You were lively. In a matter of seconds, I realized that I love you. I now sense your love. And baby, a colossal YES to be with you. Reign of tears escaped my eyes. Then, you whispered my name with a romantic question, "Can I kiss you?" I didn't reply. I just nodded and chuckled and we've kissed.