You took me dancing by the harbour
after snow fell the night, covering
sand and sea in white for an instant
mist in my eyes, as we twirled

towards dizziness held
by the heated pressure of your right
hand posed on my back
the seat of my emotions pressed

against your chest, blind
to others the cold
breeze a scorching ray,
hitting violently on pins and needles

skin an awkward sensation,
confusing ice for fire,
strikes for strokes,
your attention for love.

it seems like such a haze
my past has been set ablaze
i went on my very first date
in three years and the whole
time i was wondering back
to what it felt like when it was
me and you
everything's different this time
and i don't know where i am
floating in between hellos
and goodbyes i feel like
i'm caught in between love
and loss
its getting hard to get by
and i don't know if i really want
to try
with someone new and he's here
telling me about his daddy issues
and i'm thinking about
how you never dealt with yours

this doesn't feel good
goodnight.

Sometime between six and eight o’clock last night
You replaced my lungs with TV static
It crackles and fizzles and won’t let me sleep
Sending shivers and shocks though my body

At exactly 9 o’clock when you left me at my door
You placed a tiny pebble inside my throat
Constricting my words and my breath, and it won’t go away
Maybe you’ll take it away when I see you again

No, I do not take any drugs except bitter pills
I am not a heavy drinker except of tea and rain
I am not vaccinated against vulnerability (my mistake)
But if you would kindly remove the heart, I’ll be going then

he and i met up at my place
and chilled and talked for a bit.
i began to feel warmth as i listened to his voice,
then looked at his smile,
his eyes,
his dimple on his cheek.
i gave him his gift:
a t-shirt from his favorite band and album.
he said thank you as he continued smiling,
and it made me feel warmer than i was before.

moments later,
we walked to the green line.
i was going to take him to
one of my favorite coffee shops in the west loop.
he told me that we would probably be late to get in.
the coffee shop closes at 5 while
we got on the train at around 3:40.
i told him that we were gonna make it.
i was surprised i would be the optimistic one
since i was a huge load of a pessimist from the past week.
luckily, we got to the coffeeshop an hour before it closed.
he ordered a cappuccino,
i ordered myself a hot chocolate.
we then grabbed our drinks and found a table
in a faraway corner near the restrooms
and began our conversation from there.
it was a nice one and i still felt the same amount of warmth
as i looked and listened to him.
i knew that he had a girlfriend
and that i shouldn't keep my hopes up,
but ****, is he a gem.
i just couldn't help myself.
i was also kind of surprised how we kept looking at each other
in the eyes for long periods of time.
don't know if that's a sign or anything, but, it would be frequent.

an hour later, we decided to head out to my place again.
i took some pictures of him outside the coffeeshop
with my 35mm camera and laughed when i
saw a customer almost photobombing my photo
through the window.
minutes passed and we were already back at the green line,
waiting for the train to arrive.
the sunset was so amazing,
but seeing the view of him made it better.

we made it back to my place
and relaxed for a bit once again.
he remembered that he saw a bass guitar
leaning against the wall and asked
if he can play it.
it wasn't mine but i asked one of my roommates
if he can play it and he said as long as he knows
how to set it up.
he, of course, knew since he plays bass himself.

i heard the notes he played and i began to feel mesmerized
with every note that he played.
although his rhythm was a bit off since he
wasn't used to my roommate's bass,
he was still pretty good.
the low frequencies coming from the bass amplifier
softly vibrated my ears as i was hypnotized by
his fingers moving as he presses on each fret.
i guess the vibrations made me feel a bit warm, too.

the day finally ends as i was about to walk him out of my dorm.
when we got to the front door and before he left,
he said thanks again for the gift.
and then he hugged me.
he hugged me.
i finally felt his warmth for a second or two.
it was a friendly hug, but, it still felt nice.

i remember him saying it would be cool if he can hang
every other weekend when i'm free.
i'm gonna keep that promise for sure.

I wonder if he knows
My heart beats for him always

I wonder if he senses
The loneliness in my days

I wonder if he thinks
About the poems I write for him

I wonder if he questions
*why did I date a poet

Tom Collins
Bing Crosby
Calamari
Purity
Quintessence

There is now only a faint, fingernail-sized memory
of the thin girl standing under a street lamp in the snow
in light hair and a long red coat
with blue eyes that felt a warm brown

she didn't like winter
but wore it well
with snowflake lined lashes
and tiny, cold hands hoping to be held

her thin red lips were Christmas after a month of storms
Her eyes a warm
furnace fueled with hope.
They thawed the ice that clung to my own

the hope that had been left too long on my skin
and had become stiff and cold
now tingling
as it gained feeling again

we drank.
we sang.
we ate.
we felt.
we were.

aroma of fries
sticky booths and
awkward conversations.

what makes you smile?
is it the sound of
my voice or
the way i make
fun of myself?