Beloved Death
-Miegrat Sammri

Die if I shall,
Then no one shall cry,
For I never meant to live
And have achieved what I longed for…

Death is what I wanted,
From the day I was born,
For who wansta live,
In the crooked world that is sworn…

Day by day the only thing I wanta taste
Is the taste of death,
Matter not if that death
Is of cowardy or of brave…

So long have I waited,
And the day has finally come,
A goodbye to this world,
That has provided me none…

I quit…

I still miss you.
Sometimes I wonder if you miss me
As much as I dream that you do.
If I am even a second thought, if you miss
Anything about me period.
I don’t think I’ve ever squeezed you as tight as I do than when I dream.
When I am sleep, everything feels real.
The feel of your skin.
The way the small of your back raises
When you breathe.
Your hair a mess, barely holding on to the pillow.
Apparently dreams are the guest house to prayers.
Missing you hurts like hell, lying awake
In angst, not being able to enjoy the moment In full.
I don’t think I’ve ever squeezed you as tight as I do than when I dream,
Your head in the cease of my arm.
I am not ready to wake up yet,
I am not ready for you to go.
Not ready for you to disappear.
When I dream,
Every word we say is silent
& your heart beats next to mine.
You snuggle up close to me &
Everything in you just releases.
Just let me sleep a while longer,
I still feel safe when you’re around
I still miss you when you’re not around

She sprawled out across the sky, bored,
Perfectly sun-kissed.
From a distance she could fit
In my hands.
Day, the name we hold dearest
Day, the name of the memory I placed
her above all else.
I too, lay sprawled out, beneath her.
The intensity of how she makes me
feel,
A region I know well, sweltered &
swollen,
Without walls or halls to contain the
effect she has on me.
She took my hand & gave me the gift of
her presence.
My heart but a burning bush from this
intense percussion, this rapid sensation spreading steadily, rapidly.
A giant in my eyes.
I've climbed the highest building &
collapsed beneath her.
Black & wilted,
I am the wick without promise of
tomorrow

The best days of my life
Where’d you go?
Time flies trying to fit in
As much as you can.
Sleep barely comes
Running round losing track
Of time.
No one to tell you to stop,
Kind of loud
Kind of subtle.
The best days of my life.
Staying up all night
Not a care in the world.
Where’d you go?
The best of everything,
So little time.
Trying to fit in as much
As you can.
They tell you that these
Are the best,
You never realize until
It’s gone.
Memories of when we met
Memories of when we spent
The night.
The things we got caught doing,
But no one said a word.
Sleep barely comes
Lost somewhere having fun.
The best days of my life,
Where’d you go?

Like a song played over & over,
I don't want to lose the feeling you give.
The only one that holds a special place,
That knows what I desire without
Having to say a word.
The way your voice takes absolute
control.
A kiss from my ear down to my neck.
Your lips, your body, my favorite CD to
listen to.
The shiver between lyrics,
Experiencing you in full, soon as I hear, I listen.
Spending the night in your arms
In our never-ending marathon.
Your voice to ease whatever sorrow.
The one I turn to when I am in need,
Without fear of judgement.
Bless the Lord for creating night to
further explore our talents.
How I seem to lose myself in you &
Light up whenever I hear your voice.
Whatever you ask, whatever you desire, your heart is mine
& There is nothing that I will not do.
Understanding, the greatest parallel between us two.
My favorite song hands down.
Your lips, your body, my favorite album
cover to take my time & thumb
through.
Like a song played over & over,
I don't want to lose the feeling you give.
Spending the night in your arms,
In our never-ending marathon.
Experiencing you in full

no i am not kind, i will pull your heart out of your chest — stain it with fleeting moments of softness before running it over with my train-wreck hands. i will pick you wild roses — they all die in my palms; maybe so will this love. i will kiss you and hold you, as we slow-dance our way to disaster; all we can do is sigh and crumble like greek ruins dying in a modern city. is it so bad, then, loving you with the kind of love that breaks and terrifies, and leaves you hurting and burning and wanting more? is this so bad, then, when it's the only way i've ever loved, and the only way i've ever known?

These fantasies always end with you staying. Here, my heart can afford to break itself, over and over for you. Here, I never had to let you go again. Here, my love for you always — always outweighs the heartbreak. My love, these fantasies — they always end with us staying.

I guess some things, I wish we had. Some things, I wish were ours. Some things, I wish were us.

How much more breaking do I have to do until my heart numbs itself? I am sick of this routine — my chest sewing itself just to be ripped apart once more. I wish I can leave it be — an open wound for the flies. And yet, how many more wounds are there until there is no healing scar left to tear? I am sick of this routine. Tonight, I wish my heart would just tear itself into a handful of benumbed pieces. And tomorrow would stare at me — an aftermath of a storm. A heaving curiosity. A girl, lying in pieces and with no heart left to break.