ten** was the number of minutes you were on stage the day i first saw you & realized I'd be missing out on life if i never got a chance to know the mind behind the words you spoke

nine was the number of times i lied to my friends telling them i wasn't falling for you when every inch of me craved you in a way i never had craved anyone or anything before

eight was the number of times i almost told you i loved you that night when we spoke about life & how easy it was to lose your way while growing up, but i held my tongue thinking you would never feel the same way

seven was the number of times i saw you at school & so badly wanted to reach out and hold your hand, when i knew i couldn't

six was the class we hid in the first time you kissed me & it was as if my whole world had changed in the blink of an eye. the rebirth of love, hope & purpose in my life.

five was the time early morning when i finally collapsed after talking to you on the phone since the night before despite having school the next day

four was the date when you came so close to getting suspended from school because you just had to come see me for a couple of minutes. willing to risk anything for that time together.

three was the number of times you stayed up all night while i cried, reassuring me until I was all out of tears & fears.

two is the number of people who understand how difficult it is for us not to see each other every single day. me & you. no one else will ever be able to comprehend what it is like to live without you.

one is the number of people who my heart belongs to. just one. you. eternally.

zero is the number of times I've regretted falling hard & fast for you.

Life stands still for none
Of this I have no doubt
Life and Time are one
And Time is running out

Close your eyes
Cross your fingers
Count to ten
that's how I've always been
hoping everytime I open my eyes
somehow 'll get what I want
If I don't
maybe it's just not meant to be
But as I sat here
the moon as my company
the space beside me
emptier than it used to be
eyes closed
fingers crossed
as I count to ten
hoping you're finding
your way back to me
but as I reach to ten
opening my eyes
uncrossing my fingers
I guess the tears
could speak for itself
Maybe it's not meant to be...
But it has to be
Close your eyes
Cross your fingers
Count to ten
as the tears
won't cease to stop
If it's not meant to be
then I'll find a way
Close your eyes
Cross your fingers
Count to ten
If I leave now
you might come back
to an empty space
If I leave now
I might not see you
back here with me
"Close, Cross, Count"
I whisper to myself
I don't know
how many tens I've counted
Close, Cross, Count
Maybe it's not meant to be
maybe you're not coming back
maybe your absence
is permanent...
Close, Cross, Count
I know I should stop
this foolish wishing
But as I stood up
begging myself not to cry
all I could do
is Close my eyes
Cross my fingers
and start Counting
the days
or months
or years
or decades
until your back

*a. gale

Yesterday it took me 3 hours to calm down
It was one of our best dates
As I went to sleep and I clutched my pillow
I still felt your hand in mine

This is why I never got over you...
Yet I know I shouldn't get attached
But deep down I know I love you
And we don't have long till you go

This is why, I need to leave after you do
I can't stand living in this city
When I know I will never be happy here
Not without you by my side

Problem is we can't be right now
...
Because we would hold each other back
All your dreams and mine will have to do

I would never want to hold anyone back
From achieving their true potential
Being together would do that to you
If I love you I will let you go and not fight

Although it will **** me when we are apart
I will settle for the happiest I will ever be
For the time we have left
Yet I know it will be a beautiful goodbye

The firery walls are slowly caving in
Yet I am clinging on to every last second
In my head I am holding you and just
Slow dancing in this burning room

Here we are,
7 days till my birthday.
7 days to count another year on this Earth.
Another year of...
Everything i'm trying to run away from.
The world is sick.
Humanity is low.
And I am shrinking inside.
Shrinking everything but the baddest things,
those are growing.
The insecurities.
The thoughts.
My insanity.
It's all growing.
and me?
What am i doing about it?
Nothing.
What could i do?
It's controlling me.
It's captured my feelings and controls my thoughts.
It's holding me down,
knowing I am getting weaker;
knowing it has me locked up
inside myself.