Are firsts important?

I think that they are.

They mark a moment of courage

A moment of faith

A change

An experience that can shape

Your whole world view

You know I waited till 22

To change my mind

On being alone

Only to find

I would have waited

22 years more

Not to discover

What being alone

In that sense

Actually meant

And that's the truth of a bad day


But just how important are firsts really?

Firsts do not mean best necessarily

Firsts form a starting point

And once you start you may as well carry on

They're A foundation to build upon

A lesson to learn from

You know I waited till 22

To take risks, to raise the stakes

That meant I would make mistakes

Only to find

I wish I hadn't waited 22 years

When I saw how much progress can be generated

When you face your fears

All of which I wouldn't have discovered

*If I had continued to run away

I have watched the ebb and flow of the Sea
Under the cold glow of distant Galaxies

I have tasted the rush of City lights
And all the Mornings that have come after

I have heard the Heavens move and balter
To the Music of the world underneath

I have seen the many Faces of the night
At the dawn and death of every Day

I have witnessed the Ground give way to life
And the Living given back to the ground

We are as the World that we move in
We are the Bones of the earth; Salt of the sea.

We are an eternity clothed in Transience
No Permanence is ours to hold and keep

It all started last week, when we walked down the hall,
I said that I loved you, that I’m yours above all,
You looked into my eyes, with much disbelief,
Not knowing what I knew, what was underneath.

It hurt really much, that you declined me,
But I knew and I know, that we could never be,
It was hopeless from start, from end, and from now,
How could I dismiss, how could I allow.

You was the girl of my life, and I know you still are,
But it feels like I was hit by a large, big freight car,
Dark contemplation, don’t now what to do,
I can’t live like this, I have to follow through.

I’m lost and adrift, can’t find my way back home,
It faithfully feels, like I’m stuck in a dome,
Nothing can bring me back, I'm too far way down,
The only option left, is to let me drown.

I can feel it myself, that the end is near,
We have to cohere, but it’s still to severe.

I saw a hunter by a country road,
In tandem with me he sailed as I drove.

His hoody-head set monkish to the soil
Conjured up music so soundful, sacred,
And I unmoving over a tired flesh—
Coloured vehicle felt naked and dead

For he so saintly robed and dressed to ****
In the colours of the sky prayed with wings,
My harrier, his eyes cleansed purity and gold                                                      
While mine unsightly piebald pale and blue.

But want of food dovetailed two craving
Creatures, yet— over fed I felt rusty
Below his steely hunger and what saving
Grace God might offer either mice or men.

Even at my age,
I see mountainous lands in the sky,
Languishing among towering clouds,
A lofty empire, lost kingdoms,
Perhaps a strange magical realm,
Thriving with dwarves and giants,
Maidens in towers awaiting rescue,
Where lone horse warriors wander,
Maybe observing us, far below.

Must be a poetic creative thing,
Or simply the child deep within,
Viewing through the eyes of the man,
Dreaming ancient days of long ago,
When the child yearned to be grown,
To know all there is to know,
Never appreciating escapism,
The chance to drift within time,
Ponder upon distant, aerial, worlds.

Or maybe I’m just a dreamer,
That and nothing more, hmm,
Telling myself, I am a poet,
A procrastinating creative spirit,
In love with the trappings of art,
The child asleep within wisdom,
Languishing among towering clouds,
I see mountainous lands in the sky,
Even at my age.

©Paul M Chafer 2015