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Big Virge May 2020
Mister Compromise ...
Is A ... STRANGE Old Guy ... ?

Cos' He's Prone And Known ...
To Compromise His Life …
So That He Can SHINE ...
And Be The Type Who BUYS …
A NICE … TROPHY Wife … !!!

Which Goes To SHOW That He AIN'T NO JOKE ... !!!
And Can Get You IN Some Pretty DEEP Holes ... !!!

He'll Get You ... " The Role " ...
of A Soul Who'll SELL Himself For WEALTH ...
So He CLEARLY Moves Through Women TOO ... !!!!!

How Many Spread Thighs ...
To Get Contracts SIGNED ...
So That They Can ... " HEADLINE " ... !!!

Is THAT ... " Compromise " ... ?!?
Or Just Being ... WISE ... ?!?
To USE What You've Got ...
To Get You To The TOP ... !!!

You See Boxers DROP ...
As DO Those THONGS ... !!!
So That ... Mister Compromise ...
Gets HIMSELF ... TOP SPOT ... !!!!!!!

Cos' His Number ONE Song ...
Makes ***** ROCK STRONG ... !!!!

That's Just A JOKE But Hendrix KNOWS ...
Compromise Can FILL MORE Than Your Nose ... !!!!!

Is Taking DRUGS Compromising Stuff ... ?!?

Well If You LACK Control …
MANY Heads Have SHOWN ...
That Drugs WILL Compromise …
If You Have A ... " Weak Mind " ...

ONLY The STRONG Survive …
EXCEPT ... " Mister Compromise " ... !!!!!

He's Weak To ME But STILL Succeeds ...
Because He Sneaks And Creeps With Peeps' ...
Who Fulfil Dreams By ... ANY MEANS ... !!!

Compromise AGAIN ...
Cos' Mister Compromise AIN'T About Playing Straight ... !!!

He's As STRAIGHT As ... " MISTER BENT " ... !!!

His VERY CLOSE Friend ... !!!
Who's Willing To BEND Again And AGAIN ... !!!

Do You Get What I'm SAYING ... !?!
... I'M NOT Sure I DO ... !?!?!

Cos' I Compromise TOO …
Every Once In A While ... !!!
But CHOOSE To Profile …
An UNCOMPROMISING Manner ... !!!
Somewhat Like Dr. Banner …
Or THOR With His HAMMER ... !!!

DON'T Make Me Compromise …
And We'll Be … Just Fine ...

But MESSING With My Karma ...
Means I HAVE To Call ... " WAKANDA' " ... !!!

And Take It Back To ... PANTHERS ... !!!
BLACK And STRONG Like ... " Handlers " ...
Who PROVE That Compromise …
Can Lead To CERTAIN Ties ...
That KEEP YOU ... " WELL PROTECTED ! " ...

Or Maybe Just INFECTED ... !!!

How Mister Compromise Rolls ...
He Loves A GOOD TIME …
If The Price Is RIGHT ... !!!!!!!

Whether MALE Or FELINE ...
Mister Compromise WILL ... FALL IN LINE ... !!!

And DO What It Takes ...
NO Shame NO Game Is The Way They PLAY ...

I DUNNO These Days …
Where The Guidelines Lay ... !?!
Cos' They Seem MISPLACED …
And Now HAPPILY ......... Stray .........

Which IS A SHAME And IS A FACT ...
... What's Up With THAT ... ?!?

People Have Done Some CRAZY Stuff ... !!!
To PROVE That They're TOUGH …
Or To Get To … Number ONE ... !!!!!

Because Mister Compromise ...
Can Make You Succumb To Being UNWISE ...
And PULLING .... DUMB Stunts .... !!!!!

Which Brings Me BACK To The Question I Had .....

Do You Think It's WISE ...
Daytime Or Night To Be FORTHRIGHT ... ?!?

Or Is It WISER To ... " dIsGUise " ...
What You ... " REALLY Feel Inside " ... !!!

And To Just Be Like ...

... " Mister Compromise " ...
It can be a dangerous vibe, that rolls with ... " Compromise " ... !!!
Commuter Poet Feb 2016
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide, I must decide
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide today

The truth is I cannot decide
Whether to enter or wait outside
Maybe happiness lies inside
Or perhaps it sits on the other side?

To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide, I must decide
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide today

Perhaps I should just laugh out loud
At the absurdity of living
Laughter would surely help me escape
My lingering indecision

To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide, I must decide
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide today

And then I’d choose to stay or go
And the choice will have been made
But I choose to sit and wait some more
My backside resting on the floor

To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide, I must decide
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide today

I wonder how the days go by
Yet I’m still undecided
One door is open another closed
That’s the way I am, I suppose

To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide, I must decide
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide today
17th February 2016
YESHA Mar 2020

To complete the  remaining dreams or be happy in this so called relationship?????
To sit quite or take stand against it???
To go wherever I want or to take care of family???

To sit and listen to all tantrum of family or be free bird???
To be a great business women or just a normal housewife???

To wear saree,dress or what I want to wear???

Whether to take permission for the thing I love or do whatever I want???To divorce or be happy In this so called marriage???
Should I compromise and be happy???
COMPROMISE,isn't big deal....!!!
Why to compromise????
When you can fly like a free bird...
Why to compromise,
When you can earn,
You are independent...

‌Find someone who is there with you at every stage of life!!!

Why to compromise??
If you want to wear bikini,wear it!!!
Why you have ask others that should I???

If you want to go,GO why you have to ask someone else???

Why to compromise???
When you can laugh loud,
Be happy in your own world,
Believe in yourself and you would never have to compromise....

Never think,
Whether I should???
You can and you should!!!...

Why to compromise????
Why girls have to compromise in every situation.
Why they can't complete there dreams and why they have to ask other for permission....
Big Virge Oct 2019
I'm SICK Now of Hearing ...
This Word ... " Compromise " ... !!!!!
While THEY Tell Us Lies ... !!!
Why Should I ... " dIsGuise " ... ?
The Truth From .................................... "Their Eyes" ... ?!?
THEY As In ...... " THEM " ......  
Who Give Us ... PROBLEMS ... !!!!!
While THEY Sit And Spend ...
Cash THEY Have STOLEN ... !!!!!
This Thing ... Compromise ...
Is How They've ... Devised ...
To Keep Us From ... Seeing ...
So ...
Can It Be ... " Wise " ... ?
To Just ... Compromise ... ?
Opinions ... In YOU ....
You KNOW ...
To Be ... TRUE ... ?!?
Just To Make CASH ...
So You Can Live ... FLASH ... !?!
THAT ...
Just ISN'T ... REAL ... !!!
You Might As Well ... "Steal" ...
Cos' Living Like THAT ...
UNevEns .... " The Keel " .... !!!
Do YOU ... Compromise ... ???
Well ...
Maybe You Do ... ?
But When You Reflect ...................................
Can You Say It Was ... Wise ... ?!?
I CANNOT Deny ... !!!
I Have ... Compromised ... !!!

But Now I Believe ...
I'd Rather ... DEFY ... !!!
Than Sit And ... " Comply " ...
With Those Who Would Try ...
To Make Me The ... " Fall Guy " ... !!!!!
They ALWAYS Imply ...
That Brothers Like I ...
Should Simply BEND OVER ...
ROLLOVER ... and Die ... !?!?!
Well .....
If I Must ... Die ...
I Firstly MUST TRY ...
To RISE ABOVE ... Those ...
Who Just ... " Compromise " ...
And Sell Themselves ... " short " ...
Cos' Their Souls Have Been ... Bought ... !!!
By Those Who ... "Constrict" ...
Their ... FREEDOM OF THOUGHT ... !!!
These Days ...  
I'm Now ... STRESSING ...
POETIC ... Expression ... !!!!!

To FLY With ... God's Blessing ...
Straight Into ... " His Heaven " ...
In Life Can't We Be ...
... Mentally FREE ... ?

To ... EXPRESS Our View ...
On Things That We SEE ... ???
WITHOUT ........................................... Compromise ....... !!!
For Guys Who Wear ... "Ties" ...
Who Seem ... SO SURPRISED ... !?!?!
When Black Men Like Me ...
Are ... WISE TO Their LIES ... !!!
To Devise Their Demise ...
Compromise ... HERE ...
Or Compromise ... THERE ... ?
We NEED TO Start Issuing ...
WARNINGS ... BEWARE ... !!!!!!
With Poetry CLAIMING ...  
... The Media GLARE ... !!!!!!!!!
So Maybe One Day ... ?
I'll Be Your ... " Compere " ...
WITHOUT ..........  
Song and Dance ........
I'm NOT .... Fred Astaire .... !!!!!!!
But ..... Running AMOK .....  
YES ... Just Like MY HAIR ... !!!!!!!!!
So Who'll Pave The Way ... ?!?
For Poets ... To Say ...
The Things On Their Mind ...
That HURT .... EVERYDAY .... !!!!!
Could It Be ... " Me " ... ?
Or Could It Be ... " You " ... ?
Who REALLY Can Handle ... !?!
Reciting ... THE TRUTH ...
WITHOUT ... " Selling Out " ...
Just To Look ... " COOL " ...  
Well I ... AIN'T That Fool ... !!!!!
My Brain Is A TOOL ...
To Skywalk' ... Like LUKE ... !!!!!
But Forces Are ... DARK ... !!!
Surrounding Like ... SHARKS ... !!!
"PROTECTING" .... The Few ...
Who ... "Hide What They Do" ... !!!
So ...
Tell Me This People ...  
Is What I Say ... TRUE ... ???
Well That's ...  
Up To ... YOU ...  
UNLEARN What You've Learned ... !!!
Before You Get ... BURNED ... !!!
LUST For ... " A Prize " ...
Could Leave You ... "downsized" ... ?!?
And This ...
Might Just Happen ...  ???
If You ............
.... " Compromise " ....
We all do it in this life at some point, however, as the poem says, when you look back at the effects, was it wise ?
Äŧül  Nov 2012
Äŧül Nov 2012

In the prosecution of celebrities,
And in their sentencing,
We Indians **often
compromise as we get influenced by their hype,
And for them we harbor many soft-corners.

In the prosecution of high-society crooks,
And in their sentencing,
We Indians frequently compromise as we get influenced by their heights,
And allocate 5-star treatment to murderers..

In the prosecution of petty thieves,
And in their sentencing,
We Indians rarely compromise as we get influenced by their low status,
And quickly pronounce sentences...

In the prosecution of celebrated criminals,
And in their punishments,
We Indians often compromise as we get fascinated by their misdeeds,
And by their outrages....

In the execution of our daily works,
And in their performance,
We Indians seldom compromise as we often get boosted by their difficulty levels,
And put in that extra effort.....

In the protection of our loved ones,
And in their safety,
We Indians never compromise & protect them with all what we have,
And keep them safe......

In our own heartfelt ambitions,
And in their fulfilment,
We Indians nevermore compromise & strive heartily to succeed,
And rise above the world.......

Then why we Indians can't do,
What's regarded right,
In the society & in all the countries in this world,
And progress like never before........

Why we Indians can't stop,
What's regarded wrong,
In the society & immoral in humanity,
And let our land become a paradise again.........

Probably we Indians require a change,
May be you & I could help by bringing it,
In the social, local & national politics,
And see our country become the India of dreams..........
Written on a day when I finally read in the newspaper that one of the most celebrated terrorists had finally been hanged till death.
My HP Poem #2
©Atul Kaushal
Noah James III Dec 2019
Who am I?
(Inspired by Frida Kahlo's story)

Will not compromise my vision
its birth from repetitive chaotic pain caused
by idiotic hypocrisies from ignorant people
I dance
but I will not compromise my vision
I see vividly the well that causes the
leakage in my eyes... the drunkenness to
escape the extremely loud *******
screaming questions that I search for answers to.
One by one
By one... I’m still searching.
My heart sings so heavily into this dark
Pit of hell. And, yes, I feel every burn.
I cheated on myself.
I write
I will not compromise my vision by staying true.
What freedom ?
I don’t know.
I am truth, I am free
in the perimeters of my own cage
you sorry *** *******, I blame you for feeding me unnutritional food
for thought
Expecting me to bring life.

and abuse my vision
You benefit from these babies
they grow and you soak up the anointing God placed in me
my gifts are yours.
you wanted me to disguise the message
that you derive from  my vision.
This art speaks volumes to the insecurities.
I can’t
Can’t compromise my vision to make yours appear more holy
your sins are not mine to bear, they were
sent to God through the sacrifice of your living.
Living in an animalistic old testament view
of worshiping your actions to please
a religiously framed God who simply wants to love you.
Your wish to compromise my vision
would result in me denying the very grace
that created it. My truth is in alignment
with understanding God's truth that
gave me my vision. Yes I am free
to express.
I will not compromise my vision
they are only my footsteps in this life.
The stain in the paper from my ink
the flower from my seed
the blood transfusion.
I will not compromise my vision, I made
that mistake before
I did not ask for this glorious life, and therefore it was never mine.
This is my sanctuary... of worship
my avenue of praise it reflects who I am in this world.
Who are you!?

©2009 Noah David James III
It all started in 2009...
Carter Ginter Aug 2018
Dear Bri,

My therapist asked me if
I thought I should
Write you a letter for closure
I was confused and said no
I was done with us
Over it
That was a few months ago
I can see now
What she might have seen then
I am carrying a lot of anger
A lot of pain and resentment
Because of the way you treated me
And how victimized you painted yourself
As you shamed me publicly
All over social media
For "cheating" on you when
We definitely have different understandings
Of what constitutes cheating
And then you took it a step further
To spread your delusions about me
When we could've had a conversation

You shamed me so hard at the end
Because "you didn't even know me anymore"
When you clearly didn't know me at all
I told you when we first met
I do not want kids and
I never want to get married
And you were surprised
After year and a half
When you bring it up
And I tell you again
I do not want that life
You cried and said we would be nothing then
So I bought you a ring
I figured, whatever
If we were going to be forever
I might as will compromise
Something you didn't understand much at all
Especially when it came to ***

After we broke up
You wrote me a letter
In it you attacked me for
Never having *** when you wanted
Since you'd have it with me
When you didn't want to
(Something I was very unaware of
And extremely not ok with)
Apparently I should've done the same
But I didn't want *** if you didn't
I could've ******* myself if that were the case
I didn't ask you to do that for me
I wish you didn't
Because love isn't about *** frequency
It's more about communication
And honesty
And I'm not perfect at that
But I tried

When I sent you an article
About why I avoid ***
Due to a ****** assault
You got mad at me
"What am I supposed to do,
Just wait until you're ready?"
If you respected me
Then you would

And when I talked to you about
My interest in polyamory
You didn't give me a chance
To even discuss it more
You immediately said no
And that was that
You said you wouldn't change your mind
Which I should have known since
When I became friends with
A member of the church do you dragged me to
(Even though I'm an atheist)
You were mad because they were poly
And you didn't want me "getting any ideas"
And when that approach didn't work
You claimed that my being friends with them
Conflicted with your friendship with another member
Because they were connected negatively through an ex
Because we can't have our own friends?

But that's exactly what I needed
Because you shamed me so hard
For the things I care about most
That I lost myself in us
I no longer existed
Because I was "too radical"

So you didn't really love me
Because you didn't know me
You loved who you made me
Or whoever you saw in your mind
And somehow you were surprised
When I decided to leave
Because of course you did nothing wrong
But I was suffocating
So I left to explore myself
And my potential polyamorous identity

But then you were willing to try it
You didn't want to lose me
So you said you'd try an open relationship
Only under strict guidelines
And if I didn't agree to them
You wouldn't try
You called it "compromise"
But there's a huge difference
Between boundaries
And rules
That's not how polyamory thrives
So I left.

And a few months later
We talked about it again
You gave me more rules
"No other romantic partners "
Which would've required me
To leave who I was presently seeing
Just to have *** with randoms
And commit emotionally
Only to you
But I also had to agree
To eventually move up north with you
Regardless of my own life aspirations
Because I never really mattered to you
Only the fake picture you had of me

And all of those rules
Occurred while you simultaneously
Shamed polyamory
And me for wanting it
Because "I just didn't want to commit"
It is "an abomination"
Just because you didn't understand it
Because you were afraid of it

You didn't understand me
But you "loved" me
And you were the victim
I'm not saying I'm not at fault
But you are too
This series is extremely important to me. It has drastically helped with closure over past unhealthy relationships. They were all unhealthy I'm largely different ways and I did not write these to take away my own fault in the breakups, but I wrote this to rid myself of the unnecessary guilt I have been carrying around because of things that these exes have said to me or the ways in which they treated me. This project is about self-love. Not about hatred or wishing ill will upon others, because I wish them nothing but happiness. This is for me.
Hope is such a powerful thing. In the midst of every loss, every failure, every mistake, and in the face of every single thing, be it necessity or desire, which seems may never come to pass, hope keeps us pushing towards the day when those things will become a reality; striving ever onward no matter how many times we may fall or find ourselves back where we started, having to fight so hard all over again for the things that were obtained and then taken away by some tragedy, mistake in our own judgment, or sometimes for what seems like no reason at all but bad luck, which is a tragedy in and of itself. Hope gives purpose. It gives meaning. It gives life. But, such a sorrowful thing hope can be at times when one can only watch the world slip away into the nothingness it is coming to lust for more than life, itself.

So many people hope for things, but seem to forget or loath the work and effort it takes to achieve and maintain such. Granted, there are those who do remember and strive to achieve and maintain what they hope for legitimately, but the percentage of such people is becoming smaller as time passes, and this ever declining percentage find themselves fighting so much harder, and having to hold to hope so much more fiercely, because of the ever increasing percentage of those who want to take the easy way out, casting most of the weight of the work and effort onto those who are still willing to put it forth, and abandoning whatever it may be when the effort required becomes more than they, themselves, are willing to put forth for whatever reason, and all while placing the blame on those who are actually trying. This is a great reason that the declining percentage continue to decline, because the harder it is to achieve what one hopes for, the harder it is to hold on to hope. The harder it is to hold on to hope, the easier it is to give up.

Those in the declining percentage who are still willing to fight and keep a death grip on hope are often the ones who suffer the most, for they are the ones who are tortured and tormented by emotion and conscience, sometimes wanting to give up and to do things less than decent and respectful as so many more people are doing every day. This is where I find myself.

A hard battle it is indeed to hold on to being a genuinely good, decent, and respectful person and having to struggle so hard when I see the deceitful (and by deceitful, I mean lying, cheating, stealing, manipulation, treachery…basically anything that compromises the trust, respect, and honor towards one or more people and/or themselves) gaining and flourishing, pretending sincerity and disguising their intent until they get what they want.

The way I see it from my experiences, there are two sides to feeling this way. The first is the anger and frustration spawned by seeing people who are being deceitful more quickly and easily obtaining the things we are both needing and/or hoping for and legitimately struggling for. While we struggle so hard to see our hopes become reality…often with minimal results, or results that are ever so slow in coming…the only effort they put forth is deceit, and are rewarded with what seems like immediate results, in other words. With this comes anxiety, depression, and a harder struggle for hope with every instance. These feelings are intensified the longer the wait on anything we are hoping and striving for may be.

The second, which often isn’t a comforting thing at all, but often does help us to hold on to hope in its own way, is seeing the things people have obtained in such deceitful ways only last them for but a season, even if they want it for much longer, for deceit, in the vast majority of cases, always comes to light at some point in time, whether it be soon after or years down the road. Sometimes, it is for one of the same reasons the declining percentage struggle so hard…seemingly for no reason at all but what appears to be bad luck (but what I like to call karma in the cases of deceitful people). Regardless, the people who put forth more effort into being deceitful to obtain what is desired or hoped for often do not put the same effort into legitimately keeping it, but only in continuing to be deceitful to hold on to it as long as they can or want to, and to keep their deceit from coming to light for as long as possible. We often forget this factor of loss when we are standing on the side of anger and frustration, thinking only of how unfair it is that someone so easily obtains that which we have been struggling so hard for and have not yet seen come to pass. This applies to all areas of life.

So many people say how they want and expect and deserve to be treated, yet are not willing to do the same for others, especially when it comes to obtaining something they hope for or desire. They completely disregard how badly they will hurt someone by being deceitful as long as they get what they want, and always seem to have an excuse or a blame to place on anyone but themselves so as not to have to account for their deceit, and are often times the most defensive about being done the same way by others, even if they are only being done so in a minute way.  Most of these are doing so with all knowledge that they are just trying not to have to account for their wrongdoings just so they do not seem to be the one at fault, either so they can simply get away with it or so they can get away with it long enough to move on and do the same to other people when their previous attempts begin to fail them. Sometimes they even do all they possibly can to slander the person they were wronging and create lies that take the focus off themselves and place it upon the person they cannot deceive any longer, doing all they can to make the victim’s life a living hell so as to see them suffer for having tried to call them out on their deceit, while at the same time moving on unnoticed to the next deceitful opportunity.

The only thing worse than this are the ones who are doing this very thing and are convinced that they are doing no wrong. They have lied for so long to get their own way without having to put forth the effort that they begin to believe that they aren’t doing anything wrong, and that their victims are trying to make them look bad. In far too many cases of such, they try to find every flaw and imperfection in their victim and their victim’s life so as to dress it up with drama and lies and use it against them because they think they are getting revenge for being wronged. Sometimes it doesn’t even take a history of lies and deceit to bring someone to self-deception such as this. Sometimes it is merely their true nature, and they are doing all they can do to convince themselves otherwise. Whatever the reason self-deceit comes into play in these cases, it is still the worst form of deceit, because not only are they harming others to wrongly obtain whatever it is they seek, but they have deceived themselves into thinking they are doing no wrong by it, and will most likely continue to do so to others. Most times the victims have already endured extreme amounts of sorrow, pain, and loss before the self-deceived deceivers learn from their mistakes. Sadly, some never learn, losing everything and continuing to cling to the belief that they were the ones wronged by those which they were wronging. This also applies to all areas of life.

There are also people who hope for things, but have such limited standards or preferences that they feel the thing they are hoping for should be absolutely perfect as is…at least what their own personal idea of perfection is. They say they want something, but only if it comes a certain way, in a certain package, and doesn’t take any effort or acceptable compromise on their part to have to work with for it to be something that can truly make them happy. These people continually pass things over that could make them far happier than they would have ever imagined, merely because it doesn’t seem to be everything they wanted it to be according to such deceptively high standards. Either that, or they find something that seems to be everything that they wanted, or so close to it as to seem to be something they can be happy with, but then reject it and walk away after a period of time because it wasn’t all it seemed to be because of the work or acceptable compromise that may have been involved for it to be the thing that would truly make them happy. They then begin the process all over again, never finding what it is that truly makes them happy. They don’t want to compromise, but expect everyone else who may be involved to compromise for them, in other words, not realizing that some compromises can be good things, and that nothing is ever as perfect as someone wants it to be, because sometimes it is the imperfections that make everything truly perfect. Far too often, this also hurts others who are not deceitful and who are genuinely good people, and who are striving to hold on to hope, because the declining percentage who have any kind of stake in what is being discarded by those who cannot be satisfied are knocked back a step, and have to try harder yet again and struggle that much harder to hold on to the hope that things will work out some day. This also makes it harder for the declining percentage to trust people.

Basically, what it all boils down to is that the vast majority of people seem to want things the “easy way”. They use whatever form of deception or self-deception is necessary as long as they get what they want when they want it, which more often than not is something they only want temporarily or end up only wanting temporarily, anyway, as opposed to long term, because of either only wanting instant gratification of some kind or not wanting to make an effort to keep it, casting it away as soon as they have it or are no longer satisfied with it. They want what they want only for the feeling it gives them, in other words, and not for the appreciation and respect for what they want before and after they have it, expecting others to put forth the effort that they, themselves, refuse to put into anything but the deception of their choice.

The only comforting thing about this is that sometimes, these deceivers are so used to deceiving to obtain what they hope for that they do not see when their deceptions begin to fail them, and continue to try to twist and conform their deceptions towards those they are trying to deceive, only further outing themselves, while trying to place the blame and guilt the person they are deceiving into thinking they, themselves, may actually be the cause of the problem, prolonging their deceptions long enough to cause more damage to their victims until in either rage, sorrow, or a combination of the two, the deceived reach their limits and halt the deception, but by this time, any trust, respect, friendship and/or love that may have been between the two is either almost completely lost or lost completely. But, in cases like this, this does make it harder for the deceivers to continue to deceive, for usually, enough people are aware of the deception that the deceivers cannot deceive so easily, and have to try and find new people to deceive to make any ill progress.

There remains another percentage amongst these fractional factions that plays an unknowing hand not only in the declining percentages struggle for hope, but in their own as well, feeding not only the beast of hopelessness seeking to devour those who would rage against it, but also aiding the increasing percentage in their deceptions. This percentage wants something so badly, often times after trying and failing due to the deception of others or by legitimate failure, they begin to fall for deceptions more easily because they are so desperate to have whatever it may be that they fall for the beauty of the deception over the truth of it all, or they see a small bit of what they hope for or desire in someone or something else, and decide for some reason that it is what they want or need before finding out anything more than just that part of it all, and then are so let down or blameful for being let down again, that they throw away any efforts or progress made towards happiness, often hurting and further complicating the struggle for hope in the declining percentage of genuinely good people when those people happen to be the object of what they thought they wanted due to only focusing on the part that appealed to them.

These are but a few examples as to why hope is such a sorrowful thing, because it is one of the hardest things to hold on to in this world with so many factors coming against it from every angle, and sometimes from so many angles at once. But, it is the very existence of every negative thing that makes hope so hard that defines why hope is such a necessary thing, and why we fight with all of our heart and sanity to hold on to it, even when we believe nothing good will ever come to pass because of how many things have gone wrong or hurt us or set us back to square one time and time and time again. If we gave up hope, how would we ever expect anything to ever get better, and which one of the reasons, listed here or omitted because there are just too **** many to list them all, would we become in the destruction of someone else’s hope, or the destruction of our own? Without hope, and everything we fought like hell through to hold on to it, how would any of us truly appreciate the day when it finally comes, or every day thereafter?

In everything we see and experience, there seems to be so many more things that would have us let go of hope and sink to the bottom, drowning in sorrow until dreams are so lost in the fathomless depths that they will never wash ashore to see the light of day to breathe again. But in reality, and in our heart of hearts, it is our very dreams that outweigh what would strip them away, and there are so many more reasons to hold on to hope than we will ever think about at any one moment, especially in the worst of times, because the bad is sometimes so bad that it is all that we can focus upon, and we lose sight of most or all of the reasons we fought so hard and hoped so fiercely at all. But, it is the existence of every bad thing that should convince us every single time one or more befall us that we should never give up hope, for it is the rise and swell that we feel when things go well before every fall that reminds us of the feeling and the dreams that fuel the fires of our hope, and help us to believe that every hell will be worth heaven when it comes. It is only when we find ourselves swimming in sorrow when what we thought was everything we had been hoping for turns out to be another deception or another mistake that we start to give up on hope because of feeling like hope was wasted, and the more times we have to experience the fall, the harder it is to hope once again. What we often fail to realize is this…if it hurts so bad to fall into the letdown of finding out that what seemed to finally come was not what we were hoping for, then how much to the exact opposite will the joy be when what we were hoping for finally comes to be? If we never go through the sorrow of falling, how would we ever learn that sometimes what we were hoping for so long may not have been the right thing until something comes along to give us something new to hope for? One day, one of the instances we find that what comes along that makes us feel that our hopes and dreams are coming true will actually be what we were hoping for, and sometimes, what comes along will be so much more than we ever dared to dream to hope for. If we give up any single time we find what comes to be wrong, no matter how right it seemed or felt, then how will we ever find either?

Sometimes holding on means letting go, for if we are hoping for the wrong things, then holding on to the hope for those things will only bring us more sorrow if we do find what we hope for in those aspects. Sometimes letting go means holding on, for if we let go of hope when we let go of the wrong thing, how will we ever find something better to hope for? To dream is to hope. To hope is to dream. Nothing good is ever easy. Nothing easy is ever good. Even the most perfect of things still have imperfections, and as I say so often, it is often that the imperfecti
This is a free write of my thoughts and feeling of hope, and it is just a draft until I can find a better way to say it, unless it remains the best way that I can.
Sherri Harder Oct 2017
Chorus: The tides are turnin
and keep me on the rise.
Like the ocean waves,
splashin' - I won't compromise.
I was ten feet under, now
I'm holding on.
the tides are turnin'
I can feel this battle won.

Verse 1: The sea of broken hearts,
can't keep me down for long.
My pen in hand as I sit by
the ocean dock and write my song.
This tides turnin for the better,
I can hear the sound.
I can feel the melody,
that's turning things around.

Chorus: The tides are turnin
and keep me on the rise.
Like the ocean waves,
spalshin'  I won't compromise.
I was ten feet under, now
I'm holding on.
The tides are turnin'
I can feel this battle won.

Verse 2:  As the sun shines on
the water, and ripples to the shore.
I look out to the surfers, trying to
catch a wave once more.
The tides keep dancing,
like a rhythm trance.
the tides are turnin' I hear it
saying "take a chance."
turnin, swaying,
"come on, let's go!"  

Chorus:  The tides are turnin'
and keep me on the rise,
like the ocean waves,
splashin' I won't compromise.
I was ten feet under, now
I'm holding on.
The tides are turnin'
I can feel this battle won.

Verse 3:  Don't stop, don't give up.
I will soar like the eagles looking down.
I will bury that old doubt,
and let it drown.
The tides are turnin'
as the dolphins swim, I can feel
the passion burnin'
No- I won't compromise, I won't disguise.
I'm here now, standing tall upon
the shore, I rise.  

Chorus:  The tides are turnin'
and keep me on the rise.
like the ocean waves,
splashin' I won't compromise.
I was ten feet under, now
I'm holding on.
The tides are turnin'
I can feel this battle won.
Song lyrics
Zeeb Jul 2015
Verse I

Wrenches clanging, knuckles banging
A drop of blood the young man spilt
A new part here, and old part… there
A hotrod had been built!
A patchwork, mechanical, quilt

Feelings of excitement not unlike those of Christmas mornings long past paid visit to the young man, his head under a raised hood, hands occupied, the job nearing completion.  Did building that Lionel train-set so long ago form some type of pattern in his brain, now being so pleasurably served?  The good feelings would dissipate though, as quickly as they came, as he cursed himself for stripping a bolt, or cursed someone else for selling him the wrong part, or the engineer whose design goals obviously did not consider “remove and replace”.  He cursed the “gorilla” that never heard of a torque-wrench, the glowing particle of **** that popped on to the top of his head as he welded, the metal chip he flushed from his eye, and even himself for the burn he received by impatiently touching something too soon after grinding.  He, and his type, cursed a lot, but mostly to their selves as they battled-on with things oily, hot, bolted, welded, and rusty – in cramped spaces. One day it was choice words for an “easy-out” that broke off next to a broken drill bit that had broken off in a broken bolt, that was being drilled for an easy out.    Despite the swearing, the good and special feelings, feelings known only to those with a true capacity for this type of passion, would always return, generally of a magnitude that exceeded the physical pain and mental frustration of the day, by a large margin.   Certifiably obsessive, the young man continued to toil dutifully, soulfully, occasionally gleefully, sometimes even expertly, in his most loved and familiar place, his sanctuary, laboratory… the family garage.

And tomorrow would be the day.
Fire extinguisher? “ Right there”
Battery? “Charged and connected”
Neutral?  “yes”
Brake?  “Set”
And with hard learned, hard earned expertise and confidence, in this special small place, a supremely happy and excited young man commanded his creation to life.

Threw  a toggle, pressed a switch
Woke up the neighbors with that *******

The heart of his machine was a stroked Chevy engine that everyone had just grown sick hearing about.  Even the local machine shop to which the boy nervously entrusted his most prized possession had had enough.  “Sir, I don’t want to seem disrespectful, but from what I’ve read in Hot Rod Magazine, you might be suggesting a clearance too tight for forged pistons…” then it would be something else the next day.   One must always speak politely to the machinist, and even though he always had, the usual allotment of contradictions and arguments afforded to each customer had long run out – and although the shop owner took a special liking to the boy because, as he liked to say, “he reminds me of me”, well, that man was done too.  But in the end, the mill was dead-on.  Of course from the start, the shop knew it would be; that’s almost always the case; it’s how they stay in business - simply doing good work.  Bad shops fall out quickly, but this place had the look of times gone by.  Good times.  Old porcelain signs, here and there were to be found, all original to the shop and revered by the older workers in honored nostalgia.  The younger workers get it too; they can tell from the men they respect and learn from, there is something special about this past.  One sign advertises Carter Carburetors and the artwork depicts “three deuces”, model 97’s, sitting proudly atop a flathead engine, all speeding along in a red, open roadster.  Its occupants a blond haired boy with slight freckles (driver), and a brunette girl passenger, white blouse slightly unbuttoned,  both in the wind-blown cool, their excited expressions proclaim… "we are free!" (and all you need is a Carter, or three).

The seasoned old engine block the boy entrusted to the shop cost him $120-even from the bone yard.  Not a bad deal for a good block that had never had its first 0.030” overbore.  In the shop, it was cleaned, checked for cracks, measured and re-measured, inspected and re-inspected.  It was shaped and cut in a special way that would allow the stroker crankshaft, that was to be the special part of this build, to have all the clearance it would need.  The engine block was fitted with temporary stress plates that mimic the presence of cylinder heads,  then the cylinders were bored to “first oversize”,  providing fresh metal for new piston rings to work against.  New bearings were installed everywhere bearings are required.  Parts were smoothed here and there.  Some surfaces were roughened just so, to allow new parts to “work-into each other” when things are finally brought together.  All of this was done with a level of precision and attention far, far greater than the old “4- bolt” had ever received at the factory on its way to a life of labor in the ¾ ton work truck from which it came.  They called this painstaking dedication to precision measurement and fit, to hitting all specifications “on the mark”, “blueprinting”, and it would continue throughout the entire build of this engine.  The boy stayed  worried the whole time, but the shop had done it a million times.

After machining, the block was filled with new and strong parts that cost the young man everything he had.   Parts selected with the greatest of effort, decision, and debate.  “ You can compromise on paint”,” live with some rust”, he would say,  “wait for good tires”, “but never scrimp on the engine”.  Right on.  You get one shot at getting that right, and this proclamation demonstrated wisdom but also provided ample excuse for the rough and unfinished look of the rest of his machine.  But it was just a look, his car was, in fact, “right”.   And its power plant?  Well the machine shop had talked their customer into letting them do the final engine assembly - even cut their price to do it.  They were looking out for the boy.  The mill in its final form was the proper balance of performance and durability, and with its camshaft so carefully selected, the engine's “personality” was perfectly matched to the work at hand.   It would produce adequate torque in the low RPM range to get whole rig moving quickly, yet deliver enough horsepower at red-line to pile on the MPH, fast.  No longer a polite-natured workhorse, this engine, this engine is impatient now.  High compression, a rapid, choppy idle - it seems to be biting at the bit – to be released.  On command, it gulps its mixture and screams angrily, and often those standing around have a reflexive jump - the louder, the better - the more angry, the better.  If it hurts your ears, that’s a good feeling.  If its bark startles, that’s a good startle.  A cacophony?  No, the “music” of controlled explosions, capable of thrusting everything and everyone attached, forward, impolitely, on a rapid run to “red-line”, and it keeps pulling hard and delivering power while spinning fast because it is breathing right and proper and producing the power that thrills, and the only reason to shift gears is to preserve connecting rods, eager as the engine may be to rev further!

This is the addictive sound and feel that has appealed to a certain type of person since engines replaced horses, and why?  A surrogate voice for those who are otherwise quiet?  A visceral celebration of accomplishment?    Who cares.  Shift once, then again - speed quickly makes its appearance.  It appears as a loud, rushing wind and a visually striking, unnatural view of the surrounding scenery.  At some point, in the sane, it triggers a natural response - better slow down.    

He uncorked the headers, bought gasoline, dropped her in gear, tore off to the scene
Camaros and Mustangs, an old ‘55
Obediently lined-up, to get skinned alive!

Verse II (1st person)

I drove past the banner that said “Welcome race fans” took a new route, behind the grandstands
And through my chipped window, I thought I could see
Some of the racers were laughing at me

I guess rust and primer are not to their taste
But I put my bucks mister in the right place

I chugged/popped past cars that dealers had sold
Swung into a spot, next to something old

Emerging with interest from under his hood
My neighbor said two words, he said, “sounds good”

The ’55 I parked next to was “classic rodding” in its outward appearance.  The much overused “primer paint job” channeled “Two Lane Blacktop”.  The hood and front fenders a fiberglass clamshell, pinned affair.  Dice hanging from the mirror paid homage to days its driver never knew, but wished he had.  He removed them before he drove, always.

If you know how to peel the onion, secrets are revealed.  Wilwood brake calipers can be a dead giveaway. Someone needs serious stopping power - maybe.  Generally, owners who have sprung the bucks for this type gear let the calipers show off in bright red, to make a statement, and sometimes, these days, it’s just a fashion statement.  Now, expensive calipers, as eye candy, are all the rage.  What is true, however, is very few guys spend big money on brakes only to render them inglorious and seemingly common with a shot of silver paint from a rattle can, and the owner of this ’55 had done just that. 

Two things seem to be at play here.  One, he needs those heavy brakes because he’s fast, and two, hiding them fits his style.   Really, the message to be found in the silver paint, so cleverly applied to make your eyes simply slide across on their way to more interesting things, was “sleeper”.   And sleeper really means, he’s one of those guys with a score to settle - with everyone perhaps.   The list of “real parts” grew, if you knew where to look.  Something I had defacto permission to do since my rod was undergoing a similar scrutiny.  
“Stroked?”, I asked.  That’s something you can’t see from the outside. “ No”, the racer replied.  
“Hundred shot?”  (If engines have their language, so do the people who love them).   Despite the owner’s great efforts to conceal braided fuel and nitrous lines, electrical solenoids and switches, I spied his system.  The chunks of aluminum posing as ordinary spacers under his two carburetors were anything but.   “No”, was his one-word reply to my 100- shot question.  I tried again; “Your nitrous system, how much are you spraying?”  “Two hundred fifty” in two stages, he said.  That’s more like it, I thought, and I then figured, he too had budgeted well for the machine shop – if not, he was gambling in a game that if lost, would fly parts in all directions.   Based on the overall vibe of the scene, and the clean work on display, I believed his build was up to the punishment he planned.   I knew exactly what this tight-lipped guy was about, seeing someone very familiar in him as it were, and that made the “sounds good” complement I received upon my arrival all the more valuable.

The voice on the loudspeaker tells us we’re up.

Pre-staged, staged, then given the green
The line becomes blurred between man and machine

Bones become linkage
Muscle, spring
Fear, excitement

Time distorts ….
Color disappears …
Vision narrows…
Noise ---  becomes music
Speed, satisfaction

Compromise and decay are difficult things to digest. Striking like gravity on the spine, slow and sure. They are as inevitable as my need to avoid them. All the lust, passion, and greed I wish to swim in for an eternity dies with the same cancer that eats my body away. The maggots, flies, desperation, and despair, all attack me simultaneously and with an unstoppable desire to thrive on my remains.

They are relentless and I am not.

Make like a good boy and lie down, ready to decompose with acceptance and grace. I'll place a bag on my head for decency and my wallet on my chest for convenient identification. Perhaps some intelligent future civilization of the cockroach's descendants would like to know about my sad demise. I know the humans won't.

"Misguided", they will say. "Not enough Jesus in his soul to beat back the demons", will say the child ******* priests. Spit on by a hundred million naysayers, in between their ******* and repenting. Given billions of one star reviews because zero stars isn't an option. Oh , I miss the the maggots, the flies, the devastation, and the despair. They were my enemies, and now my only friends.

— The End —