When I said that I was busy,
I just couldn't bare company,
When I said that my phone had died,
I just did not want to disappoint the  Angry Birds.

The dog did not eat my homework,
It was not done and we both know I do not have a dog,
When I took forty minutes to have a bath,
My muscles did not ache I just need my own time, relief.

When I was late for work,
I set my alarm but I was warm and like to snooze,
When I hugged you back,
I was lonely and nothing more.

I should have my phone taken away from me.
I take pictures of myself with it
All the time,
Just to make myself feel
Worse
About myself,
If that is even possible.
I use the photos like a zoomed in
Mirror.
Something made to specifically
Point out my flaws.
To point out
The scars
The rolls
The bumps
All of the things that are perfectly
Natural.
But I don't want
Natural.
The only thing
Natural
Has done for me
Is make me want to shed
My body
For one entirely different.
And,
In a way,
I am,
Shedding my
Body.
I have changed,
A lot.
I have grown to
Crave
The pain in the pit of my gut.
I have figured out
Every
Single
Way
To make my bones protrude
Further
From beneath my skin.
I have learned to
Control
How much I eat.
I have figured a way to
Toss my food,
Instead of consume it.
Because I would rather
Die
Than consume another
Calorie,
To have another
Pound
On my body.
I have the
Perfect
Amount of
Control
Over myself,
But I am no more
Beautiful.
Everything just
Hurts.
And no,
I can't "Just Eat"
To stop that
Pain.
It doesn't work like
That.
Things are so much more
Complicated.
I wish they weren't.
Maybe,
Just maybe,
If they weren't,
I might love
Myself,
Instead of
Cry
Over a ******
Number
Every morning.

You dare to ask "to touch you".
Yet one more time-
Where I swear I can dust off
her fingerprints-
off every inch;
of your contaminated body.

"Do you still love me?", he looks at me deeply,

I feel empty yet full of emotion.
I can't look at him in the eyes. I just can't.  
I kept my head down for a view moments,
and tried not to cry.

'You always knew how much you meant to me, but it's always like I meant nothing to you.
You really knew how much I struggled, and you really don't even care how it hurts.  
There's nothing but pain left inside me when you said that you love me.
CAUSE I WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE YOU DO, YOU *******!


Then, I looked up to his eyes,

"Yes.."

I answered.

I am the flames Burning
Or so I thought
under the impression
I caused the fire

Little that I knew
I was the fuel to his
Fire