The journey started from me looking for a partner loyal, family oriented, committed, knowledgeable and sort of an ideal ma

quite opposite to him
but now looking back, it strikes me major things in ife are sense of humor, fun, friends, understanding, someone who aspires to be better each day,  

and now it just makes me sick that none of this is there
I feel am stuck in walls surrounded with heavy silence, no laughter and smiles, orthodox mindset, traditional setup, no way to improve on yourself

I don't understand why this world has defined how a daughter in law should be
What should she wear
How should she talk
When should she wake up
What should she eat
And most important of all
In the mindset of the Indian Society she shouldn't leave the house at all

this is what i am facing
i feel that it is sin to speak up your mind
when i was always taught the opposite
i feel in the scenario like this it is sin to be who you are
and I have always followed the opposite

I am expected to change myself
because apparently i dont fall under the definition of ideal "bahu"

And Why marriage comes with so many compromises on adjustments
and as far as i am understanding girls here are expected to adjust in the family
why??? are we not human beings
Why we are not allowed to dream
Why we are not allowed to speak up against the wrong happening to them
Why we are just expected to be silent and say nothing

I dont know who will survive this
this is getting difficult each day

i feel somebody has caged me in an apartment luring me with open windows that there is a world outside but no you are not allowed to leave as per your wishes

I feel somebody has caged me in a room you are not allowed to keep open because thats not the way it should be, apparently doesnt fall under their list of ideal bahu

I feel somebody has caged me in a place you are not allowed to wear eat breathe sit stand as per your wishes

I know all this can be easy but not for a person like me

whose basis of survival is the word "Freedom"
Freedom to eat sleep talk act roam listen sit stand wherever and whenever
as per her heart

The world here is expecting her to just give up on herself totally.
but then what they are getting in return??

what happiness they will get in return
where will this take them ??
Nowhere!!!
they will be left with a person who is  lifeless and colorless

Nobody to hear me screaming
Nobody to see me drowning

This is affecting my inner soul
but who is bothered??
noone!!!

because now that i am married , i am their asset
and no am not allowed to live my life as per my wishes

Because
"Bahu" is expected to make compromises and adjustments each day.

Leave the rut
The comfort zone
Let the magic happen

Be yourself
Not someone else
Needn't any shepherds

You're a star
You're meant to shine
Leave the hate to others

Be yourself
No matter what
Proudly wear your colours

You were the best of me
I was the worst of you
we mixed together tints and tones
and shades of brilliant hue
you, a rose with the red
I, the violet with the blue
and that perfect purple Iris in between
inside ‘me’ and ‘you’

Do you remember the sweetness long ago
The sweet sweet Ambrosia that used to flow
Way back in the beginning, in the very early years of your life
Sweeter than the sweetest Honey off the comb
That used radiate like living colours inside of you
That used fill your mind and all your senses
Giving you a huge natural high
Leaving you in awe and in Wonderland.
Can you remember...can you remember back that far ?

Do you remember your parents trying to coax you to eat
Your carrots and your greens, saying
"Eat up now, they'll make you big and strong"
And do you remember you resisting, thinking
"I don't want to eat this stuff, it has no taste, it's like eating cardboard"
There was only one thing the very young child wanted to eat
Yeah! Sugar and other sugary things, sweets, chocolate and ice cream...
Anything to remind him of that sweet Ambrosia inside
Of that wondrous world within, where he came from.

Do you remember being out all day playing
And then being called in for your dinner
And how you felt - Dinner, huh! it was nothing but a tiresome chore
You felt you didn't even need it
That you could easily do without it
That you had something else inside that was worth much much more.

A lady I knew died, she used feel very empty inside
She used eat sugary things all the time
But sadly she learned to her cost
The sugar of this world is no Ambrosia.

Paint me the cold of midnight
or dawn in the hills,
mix me the feel of fresh grass
under tired feet
and the smell of rain
on a long and dusty road,
boiling rage
or the sweet sweet joy of relief
blend me a colour
for the things my eyes cannot see

Pink fluffy apples
Green juicy flamingos (hiccup)

     Black sour marmalade
(hiccup)

              Orange lumpy liquorice

Purple tangy mushroom

              White rich yoghurt

  (hiccup)

               (hiccup)
                            
                            (hiccup)

What did you put in my drink?