Laying in the bed I feel suffocated, my throat closing up
I focus on the cracks in the ceiling, careful not to pry my gaze away
I started counting down the minutes until you would be done
So scared my body would betray my indignation

I felt hands crawl inside me, scraping at my insides
Making there way up my body, hands wrapped around my throat
Crawling at my mouth, begging for me to open wide
Begging for me to look you in the eyes

The sheets drenched in my sweat and my back glued to the bed
I felt you slip inside of me, your arms slick with moist
A droplet of sweat falling from your forehead onto my face
Covering the shed tears that lay upon my cheeks
Bile rose in my throat, the nausea threatening to escape

I wanted to be sick, I wanted to scream
My mouth went numb, no words would come out
My pleas for you to stop only fell on deaf ears

- the cracks in the ceiling help me to sleep at night
  when the memory of you comes fading back

i stare at the ceiling and hours go by.
clocks tsks—
and cars, outside, laugh
lamp paints shadows on the walls
and the chocolate melts
—a flute sings
and winter settles on the floor
the fan hangs still— still— still.
a bear snores in her cave
and baby owls, with their moons, watch—
a river hisses meekly
and crops bow before the night
air chokes on gold
—and crescent yawns
the clock tsks— the clock tsks
i stare at the ceiling and hours go by.
the clock tsks.
the clock tsks—

i don't feel very poetic

and i never thought the ceiling i stare at each night
was worth a poem
because i'm sure you'd rather hear about the star splattered sky
with it's infinite universes that envelop beating hearts
and tear things apart just to make them novelties once more

but the white stucco above my head has constellations of it's own
that have kept every secret i ever told
on nights that i'd rather cut off my hands than write a
single godforsaken word

maybe the ceiling is it's own kind of sky
decorated with daydreams the clouds could never carry
it's not poetic by the usual definitions

but neither am i

(Senryus)

If I don’t have
a hair-band on my wrist I
feel out of control.

When I was a kid
I thought teens were the coolest
people in the world.

Now I know that teens
are the tiredest, most stressed
people in the world.

How fun would it be
if ceiling fans could support
our weight - bye boredom.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
A new world comes to life

Dancing shadows
Like familiar silhouettes
From memories once so dear
Doing dips and pirouettes
Entangling then seperate
Few seeming so desperate
Whilst others only bid adieu
For not all is too
Far gone, far down
All things shall arise

Ribbons like smoke
Or regrets chains that choke
A serpent, slithering in the mind
Plotting to seize control

A figure of shadow
Creeping by the doorway
Moving soundlessly across the ground
To stop and stare
At the one who dare
Look back
Into the eyes of a darkness.

- Jay M
August 24th, 2020

brief echoes of the past
arrange themselves in my present
like shadow puppets on the backs
of my eyelids while i sleep.  

there is an uneven fulcrum
digging into my lower back no
matter how i turn my long
body.

my eyes open into
the same familiar room, with
the same familiar speckles on the
ceiling that they always do.   the
shadows resume their innumerable
forms and i wake
to write another step towards
the beveled edge of immortality.

meeting you has caused me to lie awake at night,
staring at the stars on my ceiling.

my sleep has been broken throughout the night,
and you're the sole reason for my insomnia.

the music is starting
they said

the music is starting!
they said

and start it did.

the sound cascading like rivers
funny how it feels like it's surrounding me
when the speaker is very clearly to the left


when the song ends
the room is in an abrupt silence
and the walls are farther
and farther away
the walls
they grow taller
and the ceiling rises into the sky
for a minute i close my eyes
and feel an overwhelming empty

but here it is again

the music is starting
they said

the music is starting!
they said

and start it did.