People don't understand me
For I have been to the spirit
World and back

People don't understand me
For I see ghosts
From the other side

People don't understand
The fact that I am sensitive
The call me names


Insane
******
And spazz

Don't the lyrics know their words hurt

I might not seem like the mild
Mannered person
But be quite on with you
I look like a total
Sociopath
But really if
You by pass
The rough exterior
You will find light triad traits
As well as I kind soul
That is me
What you see sometimes isn’t what you
Get!

Years of being bullied
Being called all sorts of
Of names
Getting in all sorts of fights
Pulling all sorts of pranks
On my torturers
The grim *******
Alex, Karen and jennifer
Has nearly lead to
Me dead on day
In Guantanamo Bay
I wish I lie
But that was what I was threatened
With
Given the choice of life or death
I chose life and became a yakuza
It was only for my only safety
But I learned some lessons on the way
The hard way

This I would read
As it was up to my speed
At recess while the other kids were
Beating eachother up
And torment one and other
While I was when one the beaten
And tormented
I took to studying law
During recess in
Avoidance of the bullies
This.... this was
My mother's idea

Yes I am goth
That doesn't makes me
The big-bad wolf
I am just trying
To live like everyone
Else
Despite my scary
Clothing and make-up
It's just that clothing
And makeup as well
Music ; it does not
Have baring
On how I act

I'm not going
To hide my story
Anymore
My name
Is none of your business
My age
Is also none of your business
But here goes

I have been bullied
Since kindergarten
But last year
It was awful
It started normal
Just light things
About my clothes
Hair
Or **** like that
But then
It got worse

First
I told my friend
That I got diagnosed with ADHD
and I have no idea how
But it spread around
And they used that against me
The called me a r*****
They made fun of me

Second
I got diagnosed
With depression and anxiety
And same thing happened
It spread around
They mocked me
I would get panic attacks
I couldn't breathe
And they would mimic me
Surrounding me

Third
They made fun of my weight
They called me skinny
Picked me up
Without consent
And called me tiny
So i started eating more
I overate in order to gain weight
Hoping they would leave me alone
But they didnt
They noticed
And called me fat
And that's where things started going down quicker

I starved myself
I would go days without eating
I sometimes still do
I made myself throw up
I sometimes still do
And guess what
They noticed.
They made fun of me

Fourth
My addictions got worse
I started cutting myself
Every day
And guess what!!
They ******* noticed!
They made fun of me
Probably not even knowing
What they were
Then
I became more suicidal
Than before
I attempted
Multiple times

Fifth
My parents found out
I got sent to the hospital
Got sent to a therapist
And I realized
If I hadnt lied to the doctors
I would have been sent to a mental hospital

Sixth
My parents obsessed over my eating disorder
They forced me to eat
When i couldnt
Because now
I am too afraid to eat
Because I'm scared
That the bullies will come back again
Whenever im near food
I hear their voices
Taunting me
Laughing at me

And throughout this whole experience
(In nothing but a year and a half, i might add)
I had a toxic friends
Who hurt me
Never had anything kind to say
And now
I dont know why
But we are still "friends".

So
Thats my story
I know most people here probably dont care, but there you go
The cat is out of the bag

If I stay a nervous bud
my full bloom will not encroach upon the grandeur of another
& I will invite no retribution
Though the artist in me knows
that a whole field in bloom
Pollinates the world.
Bloom with the artists.

If I stay silent
my words cannot be smithed into a weapon of censure,
and be used to cut me into smaller pieces.
Though the poet takes my words
& alchemises them
into an elixir for healing.
Speak with the poets.

If I smother my fire
I inspire no ire from neighbouring Suns
for whom my shine is a punishable theft of thunder.
Though a sister moon mirrors my light and illuminates the next.
Shine regardless.

If I stay in my armour
my vulnerability cannot become the missile launched at me
by the traitor who begged for my truth
Though an ally reveres my courage
and meets it with the honour of their own open heart.
Open, even though.

I miss the days
When I could just eat without thinking about it
Without counting the calories
Without shaking with guilt
Without feeling so awful that I shove my fingers down my throat just to pull it out
To remove the weight
To release the guilt and shame and food into the toilet bowl

The cold bathroom floor has become comforting.
Knowing that after kneeling down on it, my hands trembling
I'll lose weight