how you can look at me that way and in the same breath say you feel nothing

Gentle breaths, huffs, escape your sweet kiss-swollen lips.
At the feel of your heartbeat, my own wildly skips.
I am content right here with your head on my chest.
I will hold you close, dear, while you’re taking your rest.

I want to become part of you the way the wind becomes oxygen
in your lungs, and the way you cannot breathe when you are without me.

Every breath, a weight
on my chest, reluctantly
comes, being chased
only by my
quickening pulse.
A knife slips between
my ribs and with
every word that passes over my lips, it
twists.
A silent scream is trapped
behind my teeth.
Butterflies with knives
are cutting up
my insides.


Found poem from Automatic Loveletter's song "Butterflies"

My ears hear static
The sirens so loud
I open my mouth to scream
But the words won't come out

My stomach knotted
The falling sensation won't stop
Nausea fills my chest
I try and take a deep breath

As all my warning signs go off

the goldfish swim in circles
casting shadows on my skin
the ripples in the water refract the sun's rays
my eyes burn

i exhale
                                             up
                                         up
and bubbles of air float up

my hand drifts towards the surface
the cool air meets my fingertips
goosebumps kiss my skin

i twirl my hand and the water dances through my fingers
the goldfish disappear
like they always do
my hand begins to sink

i close my eyes

and release
one
final
breath