I write to my content.
Making those tiny videos without shame.
Gaming at its finest and total conquest.
Watching what I wanted to.

Going for the morning walks with a pit Bull/terrier than never fails to protect me.
Sleeping more only to be awoken by a different nightmare.
Actually showered and cleansed from everything.

Then one message.
One call.
My world is turned upside down again and I’m lost again.
Hurt again.
Betrayed and wishing for it all to end.

Peace I will never be granted.
Clearness of thoughts will never be realized.
And my heart.
My precious heart has nothing left to give.

Dirt and grim cover my arms.
My hair filled with natural oils from my sweat.
Eyes have dark circles on their own accord.
Constant screaming echos in my mind.

Tears soil my pillow from the memories gone.
Constant writing of “why?”
Wishing for an answer but knowing I can’t get one.

Who knew one person could **** up your whole mental.
Thinking they could actually be there.
Never once thinking of any kind of betrayal.
Sike.

Music transports me to a different memory.
Stuck in the moment as the song plays.
Blissful moments now gone.
To the many more final goodbyes..

It’s the same thing.
Constant doubts, thinking the other lies, overthinking and assumptions.
The ingredients for a perfectly great breakup.
Again.
I don’t know how this is suppose to work.
Me hating myself, you being upset because of what I did, and
us never trusting.
Lots of work?
Oh yes, quiet a lot, but because love conquers all we’ll be okay.
Except we aren’t and we’ve argued

You called your parents, told them to get you.
I asked you to pack your stuff, my dad was coming to renew the room.
We argued over your assumptions,
By then i didn’t have it in me to care anymore.

I let you continue your behavior of throwing things like a child.
Temper tantrum’s and screams.
Didn’t know I was with a child.

So many false promises and failing to realize the situation at hand.
Now here I stay trying to clear my name of the lies you told to “save” yourself.

I never wanted to hate you,
But never did I expect you to **** my life the way you did.
I wish you’d stop lying.
Harassing me in the false pretenses you have.

Maybe one day you’ll grow up.
One day I hope you don’t scare them like you did me.
Maybe you’ll truly love them the way I loved you.

I will see you in court the next time we meet.
And I will be anything but sweet.

You threw me in jail,
And I couldn’t get a bail.
You betrayed the one person who loved you for everything you had,
Just wanted the better for you before it turned bad.

Which it did.
I have to fight three charges of the lies you told.
I hate you and myself.
No amount of talking can fix what is done.

So as I sit here making these poems and trying to push past what I feel,
I sit there from time to time a cry about what happened.
You think it’s over the girl you messaged.

If you could only see past that..

You were on one knee again.
I was about to say yes.
“Nunez!”

My eyes shoot open and I’m in my red jumpsuit.
I turn to look at the guard, he brought me the book I wanted.
Two nights ago that is.

The girls in my pod were joyous and full of life.
I just smiled when needed and tucked the book under my mat.
Then climbed in my cocoon to fall asleep again till court.

It was four o’clock when I read what happened.
Stabbing you and breaking your phone was the only intentions I had apparently.
Your real name pops up throughout the reading and I’m filled with rage, hurt and vengeance.

Instead I cry.
Screaming inside hoping someone notices.
My heart burned and crumbled.
All because I wanted you to leave and you couldn’t, wouldn’t.

I’m stuck with felonies to fight while you get to run around free.
I hope you never see me again and I to you.
Everyone was right.

I shouldn’t have went back.

I stood over you, blinding you with the flash of my polaroid camera.
Writing "my best friend" on every one in black ink.
Feeling the rumble of your voice on my cheek
when you talked about your childhood on rainy days.
Now this is all I have left.
Memories like quicksand,
slipping through my hands.