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Grey 23h
“I’m here for you”
That’s what everyone says.
Yet I can pour my heart out to everyone that says that.
But in the end,
No ones listening anyways
Im reaching out but no one actually means what they say
Sure people always say they’ll be there
But when It matters,
There’s no one around
And then they wonder why I’m so angry,
Why I’m so quiet,
Why I don’t care if a virus kills me
Why I smoke so much I hope I get cancer
Why I don’t sleep so my heart gives out of exhaustion
Why I don’t want to **** myself with the gun that sits on the dresser
Why I don’t want to **** myself by slicing up my wrists
Cuz if I **** myself in the usual suicidal tendencies.
I’m selfish.
So I’ll just slowly die of natural causes.
I want peace,
And I’m done fighting everyday
It’s not worth it
In the end, I’m alone again.
And everyone that says they ever cared or loved me
Watches me break and give up more and more every second
Right in front of their faces
Grey 1d
More and more I understand now,
How could you join me.
This vision I have of myself cannot be hindered
It’s been almost a full year that my destiny has been squandered
As a quote states,
“Love is the death of duty,
And Duty is the death of Love.”
After careful consideration and questioning my every step,
I fell in love too.
Now that love is gone
And once again, I can only hope that this decision of hers is the right one.
Maybe it is,
The danger of love is that your destiny is put on hold
And when you marry, that destiny is gone forever
And I see the real her now,
It’s dangerous, reckless.
A spiral down the rabbit hole.
Moon of my life, why do you hurt yourself so?
You’ve been hurt enough haven’t you?
One day I hope our paths cross again.
Don’t hurt yourself anymore.
For now I suppose this is goodbye,
And yet I’ll always be here for you.
Hoping, waiting.
Until then I’ll be trying to find my way back to who I was suppose to be.
I chose you,
Over who I could’ve been.
That’s the sacrifice that was well worth it, for you.
Grey 6d
Since you,
I’ve learned to hate myself.
To look in the mirror and see failure
Accepting that whatever I do, however hard I try
It’s still never enough
Since you,
I know I don’t deserve peace or solace
No matter how much I love or care about you,
In the end it doesn’t matter
No matter how many changes, steps I take to become a better person, a better partner
It never makes a single difference
Since you,
I’ve learned to hate myself.
There’s no more rambling on and on about nonsense
There’s no more hyper happy kid
There’s no more hope and no more dreams
Just the existence of a person who failed you
And that’s all I’ll ever be
Failure and a disappointment
Since you,
I broke, and you walked away scott free
And the ridiculous part of it all,
Is I still hope for our future
Grey 6d
I play the game she showed me,
I remember the laughs, that look she’d give me when I would die too quick
Seeing her smile and the the serious gamer face
I can’t play if someone’s playing her character
I tried, I called the other guy delyla and that was awkward
I try to tell everyone and her that it hurts too much
That’s how I know it’s real
So here I am again, 3 am and full of regret
Only that I didn’t try hard enough
That I didn’t work on myself quick enough for her to see how much I love her and care
Nothings the same anymore,
I can’t even take a smile for my friends and family
Everytime I try to, I break down again
Playing this game is the last connection I have to her,
And everyone sees me sick,
Broken,
Alone.
And no one gives a ****
They shouldn’t, I did this to myself
Put myself out there, tried but not hard enough
And now 3am.
Just another lonely soul with memories
Regret, and absolutely nothing else to do but wait and hope
It was real, it was different
And I lost her. She deserves better anyway...
Grey Nov 16
It’s strange,
Girl lives her whole life lost, but like a goldfish in the small glass bowl
The youngest out of all her cousins that are more so brothers and sisters
The endless screams, the repetitive punches and slaps
The shakes and the nightmares that left her in a cold sweat every single night
Most of it I don’t remember,
I just know everything that happened to a child gave birth to a more sinister darker hollow shell
Girl grows up, isolated and alone.
Not to protect herself, but everyone else that surrounded her
The screams and nightmares continue
It feels like a horror movie that she has no recollection of
But somehow was there.
Blackout, she purged every single trauma out of her mind trying to save herself the pain.
She knows the monster that was raised, the voices inside.
Girl turns 22 and transitions.
Rebirths to a new personality, a fresh start
A girl calls herself Joshua,
He’s learning everything new,
He found someone who says they love him
But do they really?
After years of survival, the girl he fell in love with expected him to easily love her
How could he?
He never knew what love was
He still doesn’t
All he knows is, sleep, eat, work and play the part
But he started feeling, she drew out humanity in this hollowed out shell
And he trusted her, because she said all the right words
He ran to her when she was broken, he waited up nights on end to make sure she was okay
He was always a phone call away
He was there,
But not how she wanted
And he’s the villain, she’s gone now
And he’s suppose to go back to being alone
What she didn’t know is that he’s okay
He’s used to people leaving when and only if he lets them in
And shows how broken he is, how nothing can fix him
He just needed someone to love him while he attempted to even begin to heal
But she taught him a valuable lesson...
Broken people don’t find love,
No one can truly love a broken person
Alone keeps you safe
And that emotions are a weakness
He’s a monster
He’s the one who hurt her
He’s the problem
He’s too much
Ironically...
Grey Nov 16
I fell in love with The Girl Who Played With Satan, she was the first love I’d experience.
She shared in as much darkness that lurks within, we both saw the inevitable truth of life.
We knew before we even said those three little words, that we wouldn’t last.
Our love was fleeting, young and temporary.
After our departure,
I found her in life,
The one who got away.
Prairie grass, black rich dirt and wide open sky
Our families were connected for longer than I knew
Her bubbly personality and the way she smiles
The brightness of her eyes and her love is beyond what I’ve ever known.
We parted from a relationship, knowing we still want to be in each other’s lives we stayed friends
She knows me better than most
And recently I fell in love.
A girl with golden pocket brown eyes.
She’s the biggest heartbreak and heartache.
The world was perfect and the future was bright,
She’s the one that I’d hoped it all would last
The one person I begged, cried and prayed to last
She was broken, but not enough to love me
Or to let me love her
The biggest regret,
She’s the one I opened up to without hesitation
Vulnerable and easy to hurt, easy to break
She was dangerous
I gave her the knife without hesitation, and she didn’t disappoint.
Now the one who got away still stays by my side.
After everything
Crazy isn’t it
Love, so simple
And yet fragile to some
But then there’s always one who stays.
Doesn’t have to be romantic,
Just true love
Grey Nov 15
Psychopaths and sociopaths
We were in short,
Joker found his Harley
My first love understood, she was as insane as I was.
We loved each other, understood *** was ****** and passionate
We listened to each other’s ramblings and set fires.
We took on our little world of high school,
She was just as dangerous as I was
Luci, my little Devil
We were the most twisted and yet somehow we made the broken pieces fit together
It all ended of course, we realized that our lives are taking different paths
She found someone new that showed her flowers
I only offered beauty in brokenness, the awe of the damnation in our souls
I saw the darkness in her eyes and she saw mine
But she found what she needed, and she left
I went on. Wrote poems and drove to our old spots
We were twisted but we saw each other’s darkest sides and dwelled in the night
First love
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