It’s going to be a good Christmas day
I wake up and say

As I rise from my bed
My eyes become to dread

The ugly sight I see
For what could cause this misery

A candle still on fire
It burns in tune with desire

A tree knocked down
With ornaments on the ground

The house is so empty
For what spirits could lift me

Leaks all through the ceiling
Who else could lose this much feeling

The sun that burns low
What used to be home has lost its glow

A table set for one
For visitors there will be none

And when I sleep tonight
I wish to dream of something bright

Force feeding on two doses of clozapine.
Doc reclines in his chair;
I am restrained in mine.

"I am feeling fine, now,
feeling fine."

"It is time."
Doc persists," admit it for them...
you know what you did;
you know it was all real."

A film reel rewinds inside somewhere
adjacent to my cerebellum;
Front row seats to my favorite show-
I know not what to tell him?

It was all what I dreamt up on one of my.
Usual Sundays.
Savoring what lovely sensations-
'some' would insinuate are a sin.
It was me this time playing doctor,
operating on my imaginary friend.

This one pretends she does not like the licking
of a blade against her skin.
And when I decide to cut too deep
her safe word is always 'grin.'  

But Doc: that was just how we liked to play?
She had been longing for a violent death:
            I dreamt her up that way.

...

Before I could say what fun I had with the others.., teary-eyed on the other side of reinforced glass, resides my many made-up friend's mothers...

(Was it those two pills from before?)
In my final minutes ..
I have regained lucidity.
On death row for defiling those things
I thought only I could see.
A needle in my arm:
my death will serve as an apology.

...

I writhe, and before I black out, the lithe figure
of an old imaginary friend.. but if you WERE actually real..

A decade ago- I remember a incorporeal, corrupted, entity I allowed to fill my soul.

In place of the hole where apathy used to be.
The yearning for suicide was all mine;
Homicide was your wish-you resided within.
Broke my will and reality down day by day
by simply posing as my only friend.
Control/Desire imprisoned me.

Rewired my mind.
breaking me down into insanity.
but I am fighting now:
Thrashing with all the life left still inside of me.

She grins as I go.

musing to herself.
         She takes me below.

" I had high hopes for this plaything...
  my next toy is actually EAGER to ****. "


...For someone who wanted to be dead,
you had such a hard time keeping still.

-

Truth doesn't care what you think
Truth will hunt you down quietly
Truth is often cold and bleak
Truth knows it'll catch up eventually

Lies are just secrets nobody can keep
Lies break you down unapologetically
Lies are not solely used by the morally weak
Lies devour the whole soul entirely

Truth is hidden by the lies we seek,
the falsehoods we speak
Lies don't stay hidden naturally,
falling apart gradually, at times, instantly
Truth turns to lie with a simple tweak,
a false win streak, don't peek
Lies will always be part of humanity, but how much of that statement is tragedy?
So maybe the lies aren't as bad as we think...what do you think?
Be honest now, don't lie to me

©2023

I have no idea what I'm doin', I put my foot in the race but definitely not a shoe in to win
I've heard gettin' to the end and then dyin' is now, somehow, considered a win
But I guess only if you pick and stick with the correct doctrine of religion and only abide by their sin
Who's got it right then? We'll probably never know, not because the truth is hidden or missin' but because there's far to many cooks in the kitchen
And yes, that's pretty bleak but if true you're gonna have to explain it better then cause I can't seem to comprehend
What it seems to me to be is I'm in way over my head so it's gone over my head, I followed a liaison when I should have led
You said this is the land of the free but how can that be when most our time breathin' is contractually given'
Sometimes it's even been forcibly taken by some giant corporation backing a corrupt politician
You find yourself, either figuratively or physically, buildin' your very own coffin
And unbeknownst to you it's a Trojan horse disguised as detailed preparation to ***** out precaution
There will be a moment when they move on and you're no longer a part of the equation
We never really were starting from way back when, born into a lifetime ban from their utopian creation
We have never been given adequate time for livin'. Why is this acceptable and deemed okay to begin with even?
Why are more of you not seethin' mad? This would most definitely be a justifiable reason.
But we're just keepin' it goin' like this day after day, season after season
Just a cog in the machine till the day our vital signs begin to weaken and your heart stops beatin
Can't feel the pulse we're seekin', no animated heart blinkin' in the corner of the screen, that's when reality sets in
When the life line on the heart monitor stops peekin', and triggers the flat line death siren
Then through all the cryin' you hear someone attemptin' to comfort someone else by sayin'
"Who could have possibly predicted this mess we're in?"
Uhhhhh, me, I can.
I could have told you what's about to happen, where it's comin' from and when
Matter of fact I did put out a warnin' but you said I was just a mad man ramblin' on 'bout nothin'
But I know it to be truth so I'll bet it all, my life's a risky buy in but I'm all in
In a moment of heated confrontation always beware the calm man smilin', tryin' to ignore the situation around him while thinkin'
"What's one more murderous sin?" A question type justification got you askin' while knowin' you're in to deep to ever come out again as the same person
The devil in my eyes got 'em peralized with fear, stone cold frozen
Got others quakin' in their boots, Michael J Fox type shakin', twitchin' like pan fried bacon
Got you sweatin' and fidgetin' so go get your spinner to hold your attention or at the very least be a distraction
Grown-ups are takin' so get to walkin', take your childish ways elsewhere before it's a problem

Okay, where was I?
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©2020