The worst about losing you wasn't the moment it was over,
It were all these nights I lay awake, scared you'd leave.
It were all these hugs and kisses in the awareness they could be the last ones.
It were all these tears I silently shed when I felt you falling out of love with me.
It were all these conversations that made me realize we have nothing to say anymore.
The worst about losing you was being right by your side, knowing there was nothing I could do to make you stay.

It's okay, you don't always have to smile
It's okay to cry for a little while
Sometimes life can be hard
But it's okay, you don't have to play all of it's parts

It's okay, don't be scared to let it go
Cause soon you'll find your own glow
Yes, there will come the time when you'll find it
And soon all your tears and fears will be wort it.

I sat in silence
anxiously deciding
certainly overreacting
a sudden desire to change
flooded my heart with courage

their voices startled me
my mind failed to be calm
with each beat after beat coming so quickly
but soon their laughter filled me with ease
and I could find myself finally at peace

When I say “I feel sick”
what I really want to tell you
is I am sick of fearing     sick
of fearing living but what
do I do if I fear dying too?
Where is my home
if not the ground or under it?

You say “we all feel like you”
but I am standing in a room
there is a subtle bang
and I am the only one fleeting
I am the only one but I am
one of many hosts this illness inhibits
so why do I feel so lonely?

Loneliness promises      safety
has been      distorted
thoughts now occupy me so
i am sorry i cancel plans &
cry in concerts &
make excuses &
leave early &
silence myself
but the thoughts are loud
and I am aching (everywhere)

I am at war with my mind

at the outset of self foundation
i am bewildered into self containment
for nothing i see is me
and what i am now
lay naked and reluctant
to seek the unattainable goal
contentment
which is in itself
confusion

1...
I try my best to breathe and count to ten.
          2...
I'm trying everything so I can feel again.
                     3...
The shaking comes and I can't seem to stop it.
                               4...
All of my thoughts are just telling me to commit.
                                         5...
I'm trying my best to see the beauty in life.
                                                    6...
But all I can focus on is the glistening knife.
                                                              7.­..
My thoughts become empty as I reach for my heart.
                                                          ­               8...
My head is clear and I'm no longer falling apart.
                                                                ­                   9...
I'm no longer afraid of death, I welcome it with open arms.
                                                           ­                                 10...
Now I don't even have to worry about the silent alarms.