I’ve been told since day one “what you’re doing will leave permanent damage.”
But, I’m stuck neck deep into an addiction I’ve tried but can’t manage.
I know my will to live is tough, but my cravings are tougher.
They say; “the brain needs 8 hours of sleep every night to recover.”
But, I’m up binging for days in a row saying “**** it” while overdosing.
I lit another cigarette, nothing hit like being high and chain smoking.
I lose all of my self-control and I take more until I think I'm dying.
Until I’m sick and shivering and there is no point denying.
That I’m delusional and paranoid. It won’t take too long until I'm hallucinating.
Until I can't recognize myself or the world, and I get stuck dissociating.
I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, I meet her eyes and I freeze.
Her skin is gray, with tired eyes. She crumbles and her breathing cease.
Stuck inside a body she can't beat, wanting to get free.
My eyes tear up and my heart stops when I realize she is me.

Amphetamines in the dark.
Sitting here, heart pounding.
All bite and no bark.
My shame compounding.

I’ve been up for days.
Heart beating, chest thumping.
I navigate the haze.
My internal engine pumping.

Amphetamines in the dark.
I haven’t had this energy in years.
All started by a spark.
It will only end in tears.

Lights haven’t looked like this
Since I was in my teens
Messing around with my hood rat friends
*** and amphetamines

I took a handful of Blue Dolphins
That were thirteen bucks a pop
If we bought ‘em in bulk, I guess
As we did more often than not

Or maybe a few of the triple stacks
Red something-or-others, I think
They didn’t work on me this time around
‘Cause I threw ‘em up in the sink

Now I am in my thirties
And my scripts **** with my brain
I know I am speeding my ***** off
But at least I feel like old times again

Something would come of it yet
The last *******-wild, cosmic amphetamine eyes
Howled down the eastern hills
To the city’s beckoning lights

Tramps and harlots light fire from their palms
Blown pupils dark in love sick, longing eyes
Growing with the wild, restless wind
In lustful, glamorous disguise

And there the angel of the evening
Sat upon the sultry heat
As troubadours gaze into the mirror
She pours them pills in restless fleets

And as the city settles
And the western wind starts to blow
The dizzy euphoria sinks away
As their vision starts to close

So dawn breaks the singing night
The buzzing high leaves the blood
The poets and painters
Let their stream of consciousness flood

Torn rhymes cover the wall
Where artists and addicts have met
Where splattered tunes had brayed
Something came of it yet.

Have you been
sleeping in my bed
Have you been
sleeping in my bed
because I found
the traces
of your skin
the traces of your skin
Have you been sleeping in my head
because I found
the traces of your thoughts
trailing through my skull
with a warrant for my sanity
crushing my soul
with a warrant for my sanity
on a one man police force
trying to stop me
from breaking through your skin
and injecting myself
an IV of pain and amphetamine
muscle relaxers and a single tiny
white pill
to break through your thoughts
and find my place
to settle down
and sleep.