I feel sick in my soul
Sour aftertaste of my inner thoughts
Chase it down with some Heineken
Then sleep till morning breath

As you guzzle down your emotions,
forcibly silencing yourself,
You’re actually drowning an addiction;
Rather than your sorrows.
the liquid that easily slides down your throat,
is engulfing you in its depressively, thick brew.
Your eyes are noticeably bloodshot,
while mine are hidden behind hands and muffled tears.

I couldn’t possibly die today
I haven’t given Dr. Itoh his keys back
Or read the book he told me to
I have not smelled the November sunflowers
Or gone to that concert
That plays in the beginning of October
Live reggae
I could live a little longer for that
I still owe Kevin ramen
And I still owe my sister a visit
In her hometown
Next month
To see the stars far away from city lights
I could stay another month
For the stars
And my sister
I haven’t shared my novel
Or poems
I think someone might like them
And if not, at least
Someone could understand
Where it went wrong
Someone could understand why
I drink for my happiness
And sleep for my sanity

you are the eighth cigarette from my pack of marlboro lights i lit at 10:34pm
you are the fifth shot of whiskey i drink at a saturday night, alone
you are the chest and liver pains i no longer feel the sunday after
you are my metaphor for stockholm syndrome

you are the reason that i know how to type properly at midnight as the world around me spins ever-so fast
you are the reason why i mastered the art of scrolling through instagram without liking your post from six months ago
you are the reason every episode i had becomes less painful than before
you are the reason i no longer feel any pain from before
because i know you still keep me captive in you

it may be the mild psychosis caused by the eighth whiskey last weekend talking but i know you
you always come back for me
you always know how to keep me wanting more
you know just how to lure me back
even if you don't do anything
i keep running back to you

but now, as i puff the last cigarette and drink the remaining drops from my bottle of whiskey
i realize now that you are my stockholm syndrome

To the bright-eyed girl who didn't understand a thing
Not because she didn't care,
But because she didn't need to

Instead of perfume,
her mother covered herself in whiskey.
Instead of cologne,
her dad wore *****.

And it wasn't a tragedy,
it was simply normal.

Until she realized that ****** fists and slamming doors
had no place in a home.
And that maybe
just maybe
her house was never really a home.

Because ignorance is bliss.
And if you don't understand
that some things are right
and some are wrong
everything is still just okay

To the bright-eyed girl who didn't know
that her childhood was ripped away
until it was too late

I wanna fall over and roll around,
In all the broken pieces of myself,
I want to feel that pain all over again,
So I know not to let you in again,
Because you broke my heart once,
You broke my heart twice,
And now it'd be shame on me,
If I let you in to see,
All the shattered pieces you left,
Before you got up and left,
Me here to rot for eternity,
In the pain of your indecency,

Because I got high on you,
And now that my fix is gone,
I'd do anything for another hit,
Even shatter my already broken heart,

So have mercry on my bruised soul,
And stay away like you should,
Please don't answer my pleading messages,
To come back to me, cause I can't learn my lesson,
That once your heart is broke once,
Then your heart is broken twice,
Well then it's my fault,
That I can't seem to get enough,
Be the person I need you to be,
That you could have been,
But weren't because we're both so selfish,
So let's take our love, and shelf it,

Because I got high on you,
And now that my fix is gone,
I'd do anything for another hit,
Even shatter my already broken heart.

Tastes good, doesn't it?
The fire burns your throat
as you chug a shot down.
The taste ain't sweet,
but the feeling sure is.
The drunker you get,
the higher you float.

"Can life always feel this good?"
The answer's no,
but you refuse to accept it.

With Closed eyes and a grim face
Imposed lies paint a dim place
Dark and hollow with nothing around
Go ahead and scream you'll never be found
Keep going further down to your dismay
This ***** just beginning for sure it's just may
Etch up a symbol a portrait of hope
Catch up be nimble, forget about the *****
Hear the voices screaming in the night
Wake up you're dreaming, but everything's not alright
Blur out her memory one drink should do
Slur down what went wrong better yet make it two
Dig deeper into a false sense of relief
Tell yourself it didn't happen, I mean it's your own belief
Go on another liquor drenched ******
Talking to shadows, trying not to remember
You said you loved her, when was that? December.
4 years is a long time to be near
4 beers is a song, a chime to be clear
A melody to sooth and erase
But still you find yourself leading this chase?
**** if only you could forget her face
Close your eyes and drift off into sadness
Hearing the voices call in the madness
Still you'll sit just all alone
This darkness now is your "humble abode"
With no way out you soon decide
Contemplating the thought of suicide
The reality of all that was lost
All comes clear but at what cost
Now all thoughts and ambitions are tossed
Trapped in the dim dark place you come to know
You'll never get out you'll never just go
To forget her would be the key
To forget her is the lesson you see
There's no fixing or mending
No wishing or commending
It's just you and your thoughts in the dim to be