A house that’s just a little bit too clean
beds that are always made
several empty bottles of beer and wine
walls that appear to trap anyone who comes near.

A mother sitting upright, wide awake at 4 in the morning
an anxious dog who paces in the kitchen all night
a weary father who feels older than he should
     and just wants to rest.
Several phones nearby just in case.

The youngest upstairs hiding in her room
        unable to understand.
The eldest moved away
    focusing her thoughts on anything else.
Empty pill bottles strewn around the house
     like christmas lights.
Air so thick breathing almost becomes impossible.

The middle child gone
    maybe in jail
    or the hospital
    or perfectly fine.

Kisses the needles left seen visibly on her arms.
Something eating away at her mind and her soul.

Empty promises of a better future
    swirl in circles with the ******
        in her black and blue veins.

What did you do to me.
You are like a drug to me.
I crave you so hard when you are not around.
I want more when I have enough.
Tell me what you did.

I keep saying that I’m going to stop using.
I’ve told my therapist and my friends,
but I start to get overwhelmed
and feel the need to relapse.

I make it one,
maybe two days,
before I’m chasing the high,
and ruining my life.

The longest I’ve lasted
was 25 hellish days.
But even after confessing,
I came back to my vice

for my addiction, i'd run a thousand miles
my addiction was very versatile;
sometimes found in a vial,
most of the times, juvenial
ALWAYS considered a lifestyle

I’m an addict
It’s obvious

It’s in the way I drink
Desperately pouring into my gut
To finally let a smile grace my lips
To mask my constant pain

It’s in the things I do at night
Phone in one hand
The other reaching down
Endlessly searching for another wave
Just one more moment of bliss
Before I go back to reality

It’s in the way I swallow my pills
Trying to will them to be stronger
Begging each extra tablet
To be just a little too much

It’s in the emptiness of my soul
The numbness of my heart
The agony in my head
And the recklessness of my spirit
I know it’s inside me
A few years and you’ll see
It’ll be quite obvious
I’m an addict

Shadow coveted by dancing demons dark
Yearning to reunite with hell
As quietness leaves its damning mark
Satan calls
He knows me well

Under the smooth canopy of night
While black air shelters evil
Red blinking eyes the solitary light
At depth of awakened upheaval

Do not fear the monsters plaguing sleep
Alive as you walk through the day
So you can ignore the wickedness deep
But there's no running away

Drugged on lust I found my way to love

He begs me to let him abuse himself
Until he realizes it ain’t fix itself

Bless.

He ain’t getting there yet
He ain’t letting me bet on a life together
He ain’t getting us set

Class!

Play your A-game on a lame day
Even if you feel taken for granted
You deserve your best self my darling
Even if he doesn’t.

That tight grab you feel in your heart when he turns into
a no man
He swears on his ***** to snooze you as well

Grab that grabs your heart
Let it be your saver
Give it a tight handshake
Pretend you are making it
Present your best face outfit
Play it baby play hard
Until your heart grows out of it.

Fresh

Here we go again.

My head’s so **** fuzzy
My skin is hot
Room spinning just enough
I’d take three more shots if I could
If you offer it, I’ll drink it
I’ve the makings of an addict
I know
But I’ll be fine
I’ll just keep drinking
You keep pretending it’s fine
It’ll be great
I’ll feel like living
You’ll think I’m fine
We’re good