i have everything i could have ever wanted..

so why won’t this aching feeling go away?
why do i still drag my feet along?

when the bridge i am walking on is made of solid gold?

Selmhem Naise

Remember the movie
"Terminator"--
the first one?
Sarah was being hunted
and Kyle was sent back
in time
to protect her from
the machine-made Terminator

  whose only purpose in life was to end hers.

How was he to know that
when he entered into her world;
    he was going to fall so deeply?
And without his entrance
into her life--  he
would have no reason
to come across time for her--
the fruit of their love
would have never been born--

the very reason
for the very reason  of the killer's mission.

To try to figure out
and understand
where this perpetual cycle
of love began,  would
bog the mind--

      all that can be done
      is acceptance
      or rejection
           of that love.


      Yeah, but what a love it was--
      Kyle came across time for her.

The cold hands of January
grasp at February’s promise,
the warmth of March
always just out of reach.

You rub my shoulders,
kiss away the ache
as April continues her rain
over gentle, submissive May.

We sing the song of the whippoorwill,
its haunting anthem spilling
out across the valley floor
when June gives in to July

and August crowns the summer sky.
September will leave
when the colors bleed,
October betrayed by the coming frost.

What will you do
when November comes,
when ice and pain
move in to claim my breath?

Comfort me.
Smile with me.
Lie to me.
Tell me there is no December.

i can remember the pain,
but unlike most other pain
i can't feel its touch.

i can remember how it felt,
the smooth yet knife-like edge
slicing open my dense skin.

i can remember that feeling,
i yearn for it to come back
and haunt me.

i can remember the sweet release,
the deep incision
and i want it back.

yet i cannot remember how it felt,
i cannot feel the cold glass
that was once there.

but i want it back.

there’s a vacancy where you used to be
this empty space consumes me

time is an illusion and it eluded us
because you’re invisible, you see

i reach out with words that pierce the air
yet my hands can’t touch a thing

i don’t want to walk this path
only to trip and scrape my knees

even though i can get up on my own
my heart wishes you’d help me.