I watch men I do not know.
How they smile,
twitch,
scratch-
how the ***** steel bristles
cut through their cheeks and chins;
their tatoos
dull blue and grey
on sweat washed arms.
How they rub their hands,
push back their hair,
adjust their collars,
breath,
laugh,
belch.
I am looking for someone
I never knew.
I am looking for my father.
If he were near, I could not
let him pass by unseen, unfelt.

Meeting him,
I do not know what I would say.
hello
or
do you know me?
Maybe I would say nothing.
Maybe I would just sit and stare,
like a soldier,
seeing his own arm
****** and torn in the road,
wondering why the fingers don't move
when he tries to make a fist.

You are the drunk father at a ballet recital,

Who falls off the stage after shaking everyone's hands.

You are the body that brightens my life.

You do your best to stay away
From any feelings, any hoping
Your caution wouldn’t let you stay
In front of me with your heart open

And even those friends that you have
Can never say they really know you
Cause you make sure to keep yourself
On lock, where no one will disturb you

It’s tough to go through life alone
Relying only on your strength
But then in times when no one’s there
You’re thankful for avoiding pain
Their absence could have caused your heart

This doubtful freedom, lonely freedom
Somehow encourages to fight
Against uncertainties & fears
And dreadful thoughts you have in mind

Wake up, open your eyes & see
All slippy roads that lead to trouble
All broken parts of what could be
A dream of yours, a dream of being happy
With someone else - it never meant to happen

Your cold blood’s never been a weakness.

It’s air you breath under the water
When others drown and reach the bottom
It’s sound you hear when you are stranded
And search for path that brings you home

It’s wind that comes in early morning
And clears your head from all the doubting
It’s only thing that heals your trauma
And helps to fight the dark inside

A broken heart is not an option
It’s dead end that’s prescribed for us
Don’t let a flash of your emotions
Trick you to think it’s gonna last

Don’t give a chance for other people
To sneak in your soul when you’re weak
Stand up for what you’re believing
Stand up against their empty dreams

16-12-2017

thy soul - abandoned
heartache dwells
and
enwreathed by woe

'tis one who loved
nor one who lost

thy mind becomes enthralled
by ones greatest loss
Sanity;